Thursday, June 30, 2011

Focus

Okay, three posts in one month. Not exactly the stellar rebirth I was hoping for. Free time is precious these days, especially in the summer time. I like to spend at least a few hours with the family and girls when I get home from work, and that time tends to be outside or doing something fun. After that, I like to end my evenings with World of Warcraft. Not much time in between for worthwhile blog posts.

I realized that the year is already half over, and I feel like I haven't "accomplished" anything. I can hardly even count work accomplishments, despite the fact that my big "project" did get released with much praise. There were a slew of issues that I'm still trying to clean up 3 months later. The whole experience left a sour taste in my mouth.

Health/running wise, obviously last year I had my marathon which, yes was an awesome accomplishment. It was something I worked very hard all year for, and in the end, achieved a goal I set for myself. But this year? I got nothing. I've been struggling with what I eat, and running just the bare minimum to get by. I need something new. I need a new focus.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Slow Start

I'm reminded quickly that writing blog posts takes real time. And I'm still not quite sure how I want to approach this. Light hearted sugar coated posts about my day to day life kind of bore me. I simply don't like writing about what I do on an average day, because 95% of the time it's the same thing. That brings me back to what I used to post about: goals, purpose, motivations, and my general musings on what makes me tick. I suppose I should start there.

This year is already half over and I feel like I've spent the whole time unfocused and underperforming. Even my big work project, which technically I "achieved" this year, was marred by a slew of negative factors. And my brain has a hard time remembering anything positive, all I focus on is the negative.

In my health, I can't come up with any goals. For so long now I've been focused on either losing weight or some new running goal. That all peaked last year with my marathon goal and this year has just been "run because I have to". This makes me just do the bare minimum really, and as a direct result I'm up 15 pounds and feeling "lazy" all the time. Yeah, I run, but it definitely does not feel the same as training.

At home I've been struggling with finding patience with my kids, Megan specifically. I'm sure she doesn't do it on purpose, but she is so good at pushing my buttons. She knows what sets me off and does exactly that. I don't know if it's just her personality or if I'm failing to give her enough attention or what. I'm not wanting a perfectly compliant kid, but it would be nice to get past this feeling that she is going to defy me 99% of the time.

Whew, I'm starting to remember why I liked blogging. It forces me to think about all the specific things in my life that I want to change and sometimes just by getting the specifics figured out I can make the changes I want to make. I can't solve a problem and I can't fix something that is bothering me if I don't have it clearly identified.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Change

Exactly 6 years ago today, I started blogging. It was even a Saturday, just like today. I started my blog for a variety of reasons, but over time, things changed. My audience changed, I was aware of who was reading my blog. I started censoring my posts in ways that ultimately irked me. I wasn't blogging for me anymore, which is the main reason I started in the first place.

So I stopped. I took a few months off. But I am in need of a change. So I thought on the anniversary of my first blog, why not start up again? Get back to the basics and focus on the important stuff, like change.

Change is hardest for me when I have no reason to change. When life is chugging right along and everything is in order. Having kids was the biggest reason I ever had to bring about change, which ended up being a catalyst for so much more. But now that boat has sailed, I find change coming harder.

The things I want to change are subtle. Like trying to not get angry with Megan so much when she does crazy things like pour a bottle of olive oil all over the counter. Or subtle changes to my eating and exercise habits. They are changes that from an outside perspective, no one would even know about. But at the same time, they are changes that are important to me and that I need and want to make.

So on the eve of my 35 birthday, I'm making a few long term commitments to my self. A series of changes that only I know about, but that I want to make. I'm calling it my 5-year plan. My hopes are that it gets me where I want to be when I hit what I assume will be a next big mile stone, the dreaded FOUR-OH. That mid life crisis is looming out there, I just know it.

To go along with these changes, my blog has changed as well. The new title hopefully reflecting that change, along with the "back to the basics" layout. Time to focus on the important stuff.

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Monday, November 15, 2010

Dead Blog

I haven't given up on my blog or anything, but the motivation is definitely lacking these days. There isn't much new going on and I'm not going to spend all my time blogging about work. I already think about work too much, I don't need to be doing it on my free time at home either.

On some positive notes, Casey is growing up fast. She has hit many milestones that I've neglected to talk much about. In short, she is becoming quite a handful. Getting into things, climbing things, and generally doing all sorts of cool stuff on her own. Most nights I get to come home to her running to me screaming "Daddy!", as we proceed to have a fun laid back evening. There are still challenging moments between her and Megan, but for the most part they have a lot of fun playing together. In short bursts at least.

Megan in the meantime is learning new stuff every day and having a great time at her preschool that she started this fall. She can count to 6 in Spanish! Last weekend she got to bring home one of the school pets for the weekend, Rosey the guinea pig. Everyone had fun taking care of her and holding or petting her.


The first snow this weekend was a bit of a shock, but the realization that I'm done running outside for the year is finally starting to sink in. It didn't help that just last week I was running outside all week in 50-60 degree weather. It sort of made me forget that it's actually the middle of November. After spinning out and doing a complete 360 on the road this weekend driving to the gym, I was quickly reminded that it is in fact, winter.