Slow Start

I'm reminded quickly that writing blog posts takes real time. And I'm still not quite sure how I want to approach this. Light hearted sugar coated posts about my day to day life kind of bore me. I simply don't like writing about what I do on an average day, because 95% of the time it's the same thing. That brings me back to what I used to post about: goals, purpose, motivations, and my general musings on what makes me tick. I suppose I should start there.

This year is already half over and I feel like I've spent the whole time unfocused and underperforming. Even my big work project, which technically I "achieved" this year, was marred by a slew of negative factors. And my brain has a hard time remembering anything positive, all I focus on is the negative.

In my health, I can't come up with any goals. For so long now I've been focused on either losing weight or some new running goal. That all peaked last year with my marathon goal and this year has just been "run because I have to". This makes me just do the bare minimum really, and as a direct result I'm up 15 pounds and feeling "lazy" all the time. Yeah, I run, but it definitely does not feel the same as training.

At home I've been struggling with finding patience with my kids, Megan specifically. I'm sure she doesn't do it on purpose, but she is so good at pushing my buttons. She knows what sets me off and does exactly that. I don't know if it's just her personality or if I'm failing to give her enough attention or what. I'm not wanting a perfectly compliant kid, but it would be nice to get past this feeling that she is going to defy me 99% of the time.

Whew, I'm starting to remember why I liked blogging. It forces me to think about all the specific things in my life that I want to change and sometimes just by getting the specifics figured out I can make the changes I want to make. I can't solve a problem and I can't fix something that is bothering me if I don't have it clearly identified.