What Day Is It?

I forgot how quickly you get disoriented from the rest of the world when you stop going to work. Not that I mind, Megan has no concept of weekends, why should I!? This first week has been going great. Megan is handling the change very well, although I honestly don't have a lot of things to compare against. Her general attitude is happy to see Casey, concerned for her well being, and loves to hold and touch her. In car rides, if Casey cries, Megan is the first to say "It's okay Casey!" I think the hardest part will be getting Megan to understand why she can't be physical with Casey at first.

I've managed to get two runs in this week, which has been great. Sleep wise, I seem to be okay, and Casey seems to sleep very well so far. Maybe too well, as Andrea has started to wake her for feedings instead of waiting for Casey. This will help Andrea as well as Casey regulate feeding patterns. But for the most part, we both feel "normal" in terms of rested, and that's a big change from our previous sleep deprivation and not leaving the house for 4 days.

Casey's post-birth time is overall much more relaxing and enjoyable, then stressful and tiresome. I've been kind of more hands off, both because my role right now is to manage Megan during the day, but also to let Andrea roll with the feedings. I know this sounds "lazy" on my part, but I do think I was a bit too intrusive with Megan. I realize now the importance of these early weeks for Andrea and Casey to find their "groove" with a routine.

We've also been getting meals all this week from the Apple Valley MOMS Club. That has been so great, so thank you so much everyone. Last night, in a rare occurrence, we even got to enjoy a quiet evening meal with just the two of us. Casey and Megan were both napping. A small calm in the excitement of this week, it was just awesome.

A few more pics for today:

Megan being her silly self.


Megan just loves to hold baby Casey.


As promised, a few pictures of Andrea as well.


More of the three gals.

Quick Pics

Casey and Andrea are napping for a bit (Megan is pretend napping), so sneaking a quick second to get these pictures up. I realize there are none of Andrea yet, that happened more by accident. Hopefully more pictures or more of my blabbing later in the week.

Casey, a few hours old.


Close up, no flash.


Our first visitors, Andrea's parents were watching Megan since Sunday.


Grandma B and Casey.


Just Megan being happy... if only that was how she ACTUALLY has behaved over the last 48 hours...


Me and my two daughters, isn't Megan photogenic?


Megan and Casey close up, no flash.


And finally, back home today...

The Adventure Redux

I'm running on borrowed time right now, having slept maybe 2 hours out of the last 36. My brain isn't firing on any cylinders for the most part. I should be in bed but I needed to unwind with some food. I forgot my camera at the hospital so I'll just keep this short:

Name: Casey Gayle Anderson
Born: May 25th 2009. 2:55pm
Weight: 9 lbs 1 oz (wow...)
Length: 21 inches (same as Megan!)

The short version: inducement still took a long time. Although overall shorter time span than Megan, in most ways (physically and emotionally), this delivery was tougher. They say that every birth is unique, and that I believe now. But the whole "second child is easier" is not always true.

In the end, everyone is doing great and baby and Mom are both in as good a shape as can be expected. By the time I left the hospital with Megan, Andrea was officially unhooked from all equipment and IVs. Hopefully she will manage to get some sleep over the next 12 hours, it felt pretty selfish coming home with Megan. We'll head back up tomorrow after Megan's preschool. More to follow!

First Hot Run

Tonight I did a normal run outside, 7.25 miles. I didn't bother to look at the temp before I left, because I didn't really care. With the last few cold / windy evenings, I've been wussing out and running inside more than I'd like. I ran at near normal pace, and didn't quite realize how hot my body was getting until I stopped once to tie my shoe and could just feel heat radiating from inside out. On the way home the radio weather guy said it was pushing 93 degrees. I figured it was mid 80s, didn't quite realize it was that hot. Oops! Lesson learned, first hot run of the summer out of the way, I'll have to be smarter in the coming days.

Everything with Casey is going as planned, which is to say, nothing new is happening. Andrea is still feeling good but with no signs of going into labor. The next Doctor visit is Friday afternoon. I will start my leave from work on Thursday and will go along for that visit. If everything is "looking normal" on Friday, we will most likely get an inducement scheduled for the following week.

So what will we do with our time between now and then? More movies! We already have babysitting lined up for Thursday afternoon, since Terminator actually comes out on a Thursday instead of Friday. WHOOT! Other than that, we don't have anything else planned but to relax and make sure Andrea doesn't have to go out in this heat much more this week. She spent a good hour with Megan outside today, and that was hard enough.

I might sign up for a half marathon for the end of the month, but a) it seems kind of selfish and b) the timing probably won't work. It's on May 30th, so if our inducement is scheduled for Thur or Friday that week, it probably wouldn't work to do a half marathon the next day. Yes, I'm a tad insane to even be considering it, but I wouldn't be me if I wasn't.

The Waiting Game

With the weekend behind us, and the "due date" over with, time to look to the next few days. As I suspected, the weekend was a pretty normal one for us. Saturday afternoon we even got another movie in, and saw Star Trek, which was awesome. I liked the cast they put together to play the various roles. I hope they make another movie with that group.

Saturday night Andrea even made it over to St. Paul for a going away party. Her old college roommate is moving to Las Vegas for awhile. Megan and I decided to have our own date, and we went to Red Robin together. She had a good time and afterwards we went to a park, where she made friends with a nice girl her age named Emma. Emma taught Megan how to climb all the way up the slides... I let it go this time cause they were having so much fun.

So tomorrow I will head in to work as normal, which is actually a good thing. Couple more loose ends I can tie up, and hand off a last few items. I'm definitely not very optimistic about where things are going at work, but none of that is within my control. We got one of those "oh shit the economy DOES suck" emails from the CEO recently. Sponsoring of corporate teams was among the various "cost cutting measures". That's right, no more free runs for me! Every time I make the mistake of reading a news paper or actually listening to the news, I'm damn glad I have a job, and I'm going to hold on to it until they drag me away kicking and screaming. I never thought one of the best side effects of not owning a TV would be how much easier it is to ignore hearing about all that shit that just pisses me off. Blinders for the win.

Casey: The Prequel

Since this year is all about the prequel movies, I figured why not have a little Casey prequel. As we lead into the last few days before official "due date", we find ourselves in pretty much the same situation as last time. The biggest difference is that Andrea is feeling much better. Much less stress, no worries about blood pressure, a picture of good health. So what next?

I know that we don't want to end up in the same boat as last time, spending 40 hours in the hospital hooked up to machines pumping drugs into Andrea that have no effects. Not that our experience was horrible last time, but we've learned what we do and don't want to happen. Andrea's next visit will be with her doctor, on Tuesday of next week (due date +2), and we will determine our options at that point. My guess is that nothing big will occur over the weekend. As a reminder, Megan's official "due date" was Sept 28th. We had our first attempt at induction 4 days later, and Megan was born on Oct 9th (due date +11). If we have the same thing happen this time, Casey won't be here until May 28th!

In the meantime, my World of Warcraft account is now expired as of last Saturday. It was a fun last hurrah these last 5 months, but time to put it away again. I'm giving serious thoughts to a new gaming PC sometime late this year or early next year, on the cusp of the Windows 7 release, which rumors are saying is being pushed for a "Christmas" type launch. This Alienware lasted well for 5 years, and although yes, older and a tad outdated, is still a nice PC. But it would be nice to have a new top end system for some newer gaming, including Starcraft 2, Diablo 3, and some of the new RPGs slated for the later half of this year.

And work is going swimmingly, and it would seem that rising above the crap is working out for me, as my bosses send "kudos" emails to each other about my recent "excellent efforts" and "stepping up" to get things done on time and without issues.

For those of you keeping score at home (and you know who you are), that is an example of how you can be a cog in a machine, but you can still choose to make a difference.

Quick note: I also wanted to say congrats to my former college roomie Adam & wife Pilar on the recent birth of thier first baby girl!!

Unbelievable Luck

What a crazy night. Crazy week really. On the verge of our pending arrival, trying to wrap things up at work, and keep my head above water. Tonight was all sorts of awesome. First, I'll start with my stuff, since, hey, its my blog! Tonight was the Twin Cities 1-miler, which I again ran this year in the hopes that it would give me a spot in the Twin Cities 10-miler. My time last year was 5:51. This year, I was shooting for 5:45. I came REAL close:



Still very happy about that, being able to beat last years time. And it definitely wasn't as painful, and I might have been able to go a bit harder. The real factor was the wind (sucked hard) and oddly, I think bad air. Everyone around me was coughing very hard at the finish line, and it down right hurt the lungs. I didn't have any of that last year. Maybe downtown isn't the best place to have an event like that?

Meanwhile, while I was running this silly (yes silly!) event, Andrea and Val (sister-in-law who is also expecting) were attending an new Mothers event that we got a random invite to. We honestly don't know how or why we got this invite, we only assumed it was through my work and/or insurance. Some type of work perk? Anyway, long story short, it was totally free, they had lots of things for new Moms to look at, get samples of, free appetizers and a non-alcoholic drink contest. (local bartenders trying to make the best tasting virgin drink) In addition to all that, they had lots of door prizes, a high end stroller, and a grand prize of a BRAND new crib.

So I walk in to the event just as things are wrapping up. What is the first thing I hear as I walk in? They are calling Andrea's name for a prize! No way! And so I go and sit down, and it turns out Val had also already won something! How awesome is that? But wait!

They then did the final drawing for the grand prize, and who should win? Andrea!! We couldn't believe it! Andrea was in such disbelief, she didn't even realize it was her number that was called. We are going to get a BRAND new crib from Becker Furniture! (minor drive up north, but way worth it!)

And a big thank you to my brother who made this all possible by baby sitting Megan tonight, YOU ROCK BRO!!

One of those days

I know I promised to stay positive around here, but I can't help myself. The last couple of days have felt like... Well, the best description is a quote from the movie Dogma. I'll let the picture speak for me.



Here's a fun truth: there is always going to be negative forces coming at you. Someone will always have a differing opinion. Someone will always think you are wrong. Someone will always try to make themselves feel more important/better/powerful than you. Why? Because by and large, people are typically motivated by protecting their own self interests.

Are there exceptions to that statement? Of course. There are tons of people that are nice, honest, and don't always think about themselves first. Am I one of those people? Meh, jury is still out on that one.

So when I have those days, like recent events this week at work, how should I react? Should I strike back and fight fire with fire? Should I "rise" above the shit and pretend like it doesn't bother me? Or do I honestly stop for a moment and look at it for what it is: fake negativity.

See, work is just work. Despite anything else that has changed for me over the years, I still view work as simply a means to an end. People are going to come to work, and do whatever they do, based on their own personal motivations. Maybe they sit and browse web sites in their cube, maybe they work hard, or maybe they just suck at their job. Whatever it might be, it doesn't really matter in the end. Because a job is just a job.

It's ironic to hear myself say those words out loud, when I once heard them said to me, by a supervisor I had come to hate, when I informed him why I was quitting my first job. There is probably some deeper meaning there, but I don't have time to contemplate it. Megan is upstairs alone, getting into trouble I'm sure.

The Race that Never Was

4 years ago, I ran my first ever "race" event, at the insistence of a good friend. I ran that Get in Gear in 53:28. It's interesting to go back and read that post and think about my mind set at the time. Also to read how hard it was, and to think about how far I've come with running.

As I've said before, I had set a goal for myself this year of breaking the 45 minute mark. I knew I could do it, because my very last run last year (half marathon) was virtually at that pace. And sure enough, I was able to achieve and blow away my goal. Here were my split times:

1 - 6:58
2 - 6:50
3 - 6:51
4 - 6:54
5 - 6:57
6 - 7:00
.2 - 2:04

Total time: 43:38, average pace: 6:54 min/mile. A few weird things about the run this year. For starters, I started right up front this year. Meaning, I could see the elite runner start, see the tape lines, and also see all the weirdness that happens up there. You have this small group of runners that wish they were elites, pushing foward, trying to sneak in. Meanwhile, officials are trying to keep them back. In the end, a bunch snuck through and just started at the same time. Weird?

The other crazy thing that happened was as I passed each mile marker. The person calling out the times as I passed each marker, yelled the following: "7:01!" , "14:02!", "21:03!"... I don't think there was anyone at mile 4, but then sure enough, at mile 5: "35:05!".

Needless to say, there is a sad thing about this entire event. I run the best 10k in my life, probably my first ever personal record that won't be an "easy" one to beat, and what happens? My official time is not posted on the web site. All results are in, and I'm not on them. What is that about? I signed up the day after the race opened. My bib number was 160, and I was wearing my damn chip. No official time. Is there a refund? I want my money back.

Where did April go?

Just a combination of factors making this month fly by, work being the biggest factor. For whatever reason, it's hardly bothering me that much. Maybe it's just the bigger thoughts about baby Casey arriving any day now that are keeping me occupied. We haven't done a whole lot of planning, but I guess we figure we know what to expect this time around, so we aren't worried. As long as Andrea gets her hospital bags ready to go and we have a solid plan for what to do with Megan, I think we will be fine.

I've been enjoying the weather, the outdoor running season has begun full swing. Been running some fast paces lately in preperation for the Get in Gear 10k this weekend. I'm hoping the good weather of this week holds out long enough to last through Saturday morning.

Megan has been doing awesome, enjoying school and all the other activities Andrea plans for her. She started swimming lessons a few weeks ago, which she has really enjoyed. She needs to work on putting her face under water, but follows other directions well.

Looking forward to the start of the summer movie season with X-men coming up soon. Here is the full list of movies I'm dying to see in 2009:

May 1st: X-Men Origins: Wolverine
May 8th: Star Trek
May 21st: Terminator Salvation
June 24th: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
July 15th: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Aug 7th: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

There are a few comedies this year I'd also like to see, but they end up lower on the priority list. The above list are the ones I will see for sure, no matter what, even if Casey is born that weekend! (the 3 in May) Although this list might not compare to 2007, The Year of the Movie, it's still good list.

Adventures in Viruses

For a long time, I've prided myself on my lack of ever getting a computer virus. Not that it's super common to get one, but I've never purchased anti virus software or gone out of my way to setup personal firewalls, etc. The most I've ever done is run Spybot, which apparently has been good enough. Until now.

I came home Thursday night and sat down to launch World of Warcraft only to be presented with a very strange error message. Couple googles later, and I was already in panic mode. Few more checks and it was clear I had a pretty bad virus. Task Manager disabled, registry editing disabled, and generally negative behavior on most applications.

I'm no hacker expert, nor am I that versed in manual combat of viruses. I tried a few things, eventually found ways to get into both my task manager and registry. Both were pretty fruitless efforts. This virus was very strong and keeping itself alive, and keeping me from doing anything that might even give me a chance. It completely destroyed the Safe Boot portion of the registry, so that wasn't even an option. (I tried a manual restore of the Safe Boot registry, and it worked... but the virus was resident even in Safe Boot)

I ended up buying Norton Antivirus, which I sort of wish I hadn't. It was a giant waste of time, (and money?) as this virus laughed at Norton. Eventually Norton was detecting it's own files as infected. It was quite clear I only had one option left: Reformat.

So, 48 hours and 2 reformats later, I'm finally back up and running. World of Warcraft is currently at about 50% installed. The experience was interesting, especially when I ended up in a Norton Antivirus chatroom with some random dude from India, who then proceeded to say they could fix all my virus problems for the low low fee of $99.99. Yeah, I passed on that.

After all was said and done, we really only lost ONE thing, and it's my fault for not backing it up. Andrea had been recording our spending habits for the past year and a half on this one excel file. In my haste of backing things up the first night, it was the one big thing I missed. Hopefully it won't dissuade her from keeping it going in the future, as I think it was very useful for us.

Blog titles are overrated

When I mentioned not having any cold symptoms, I had no idea that the next time I would be posting is after just starting to get over those symptoms. Basically the day after my last post I finally got sick. I don't know why I thought I might avoid it. I'll blame wishful thinking.

So last week was sort of tough. I'm not gonna whine about it, just state the facts. I had to put in over 50 hours of work, which was basically working until 9-10pm Tue-Thur. Nothing really more to say about it, other then, well, it was tough. Andrea and Megan were real troopers and both helped to make the hours I had to work from home bareable. Despite the fact that they were buying pizza and/or subs every night for people on-site, I never stuck around for that and worked the extra hours from home.

As if the added work hours weren't enough to keep me busy last week, I was also attempting to get ready for a Dungeons and Dragons session as well. Somehow I found some time to do that, although not a lot. The session was a lot of fun, but I'm getting a little worried that the system is too combat oriented. That isn't actually a bad thing if everyone enjoys that aspect of gaming, and for the most part it seems like everyone does. As long as I weave an interesting story around the combat sessions, people have a good time. So that's all that matters really.

Coming up this week are hopefully my first series of outdoor runs (aside from the silly 30 degree race in March). I have to prep for this years Get In Gear 10k. I have a serious goal of hitting the 45 minute mark, which I feel short of last year by 17 seconds. I know 17 seconds doesn't sound like a lot, but at that pace, it is huge. I'll keep everyone posted on that, and in the meantime, hope for some good weather on April 25th!

Didn't win the lottery... but!

Apparently there is an appliance virus going around our neighborhood. Last night our neighbors called us up to ask if they could cook a couple frozen pizzas in our oven, because theirs wasn't working. I said sure, if we could come over and dry a load of laundry! Never thought I'd be swapping appliance use.

The good news however, is that today the dryer repair guy came and was able to fix our dryer for free under the service plan we have! Almost as good as winning the lottery. But seriously, it's good to finally have all the appliances working again.

The weekend was pretty mellow like I thought it would be. The coolest thing was just a visit to the Zoo Megan and I did. We visited the Farm Babies, which honestly was just a visit to the Farm Animals. We did see one baby cow, but Megan was too busy playing on the tractor to notice. She did like the baby chicks, and said those were her favorite.

Megan and Andrea are still getting over some pretty bad colds they got after coming back from vacation. It's been a rough week during the nights with Megan. Her inability to breath causes her to wake herself up and subsequently, us. Last night was the worst, as she had such a bad coughing fit she ended up throwing up in her bed. Hopefully they are on the up swing, as of now I have no real symptoms. Will I dodge this bullet?

Astronomical Odds

I know I promised no more negativity, but I just have to share this one. The night before we left on vacation, our washer blew up. Water coming out the bottom and all over the place. I even faked my handy man skills to verify it wasn't anything "simple" like a busted or leaking hose.

Long story short we replaced the washer last week after we got back from vacation. I'm 90% sure that the appliances we have are the originals that came when the house was built in 93, which would put the washer around 16 years old. That's actually typical life for a cheap washer. But then what happens? 2 days later, our dryer dies as well. The inside part stopped rotating.

What are the odds that both appliances just decide to break within a few days of each other? I don't know the exact percentages, but it has to be pretty small. Needless to say, I bought a couple lottery tickets today.

We do actually have some coverage on our dryer, so we will have someone come look at it on Monday (for free) and see if it is "fixable" for cheap. If it isn't (which I suspect it won't be) we already have another purchase lined up. Just lots more motivation to live here for a bunch more years, which became our plan sometime earlier this year anyway.

One funny thing about this whole thing was when I was cleaning the area under the washer before the new one arrived. I'm sweeping it up and I notice an item of clothing behind the dryer. I figured it was just something that had fallen back behind there, so I sweep it out only to discover it was a pair of women's underwear that definitely did not belong to Andrea. How long had that been there? Too funny.

Pictures from Wi Dells

Considering we didn't really do much this weekend, Sunday ended up having enough distractions that I didn't get a chance to go through pictures. Finally got around to it this evening.

Since our weekend was mostly about Grandma and Megan, figured I'd start with a post of the two of them.



Megan checking out the cow with 6 legs. This was at Ripley's Believe it Or Not attraction. I've been at one before so I sort of knew what I was getting into.



Another picture from Ripley's.



After Ripley's we went to this very cheesy... I don't even know what to call it. It wasn't a fun house, it wasn't a scary house... Just a weird collection of things with a very weird tour guide. My brother and I tried to make the best of it.



The third day, Megan and I spent a lot of time at the dry park. (sadly, no pictures of the pool areas turned out due to humidity). We had a great time climbing around and going down all the slides.



More climbing action.



Enjoying a cold drink after an morning of climbing.



Random shots while walking around the hotel. We bumped into the hotel mascot.



And a nice fireplace... random, yes. Good picture, yes.



Last night at the hotel, Megan reading a book with Grandma.



The interesting aspect of this last picture is what happened yesterday. Megan is skilled enough to know how to turn on my digital camera and look through pictures on it (when in view mode) or take pictures with it (when in camera mode). Yesterday, she scrolled through the pictures and saw the above picture. She says, "Grandma and me reading Puff Puff, Toot Toot." It was interesting to me that Megan remembered the exact book she was reading with Grandma a full 5 days earlier from the picture of the event. Or did she recogonize the book and just state what she was seeing? It could be either or... Interesting!

Back to the Basics

Here we are, 2 1/2 weeks since my last post. It was by choice, no complaining this time. In this world of Twitter, Facebook, MySpace and all the rest, blogging will soon be just another lost art form. Nothing lasts forever.

Blogging can be as easy or as difficult as I feel like making it. Like a lot of things, it's just how you approach it. Sometimes I just need a new approach to see things for what they are. My blog is like that... It's been a place for me to share different things at different times. What I share and how much I share always seems to change over time.

So here we go, back to the basics of what this blog started as. A place to share interesting tid bits about my life that others might be interested in. I can't promise things won't change, but at least for awhile, I can promise a few things. No more bullshit posts, no more negativity, no more ramblings about things that piss me off.

I thought I'd start off with the big news of the last 2 weeks. We finally came to decide on a name for the new baby! That name is Casey Gayle Anderson. Interesting how it all worked out really, but aren't names always like that? We talked briefly about spelling variations, but Andrea likes the traditional the best.

The other big stuff recently was our family spring break vacation to Wisconsin Dells last week. It was from Sunday to Wed. It was fun for the most part, with usual family interactions plus a little extra for good measure. The important part is the Megan had a blast at all the water parks and a huge climbing indoor play park. I have 75 pictures to go through, I'll post some of the better ones tomorrow.

I blog. A a dog licks himself.

Coming up on 4 years of this silly blog, makes me wonder why I've kept it going so long. At first it was for me, then it was to post pictures of Megan, then it was to bitch. But for the most part it's always been for me. My own little exaggerated sense of self-importance. The truth is, I blog for the same reason a dog licks himself. Sad? Maybe.

This week isn't getting any better. Work sucks, but no longer do I feel there is anyone to blame. I can finally see the machine for what it is. No one is at fault for being a part of the machine, it's how we all collect a pay check. Be a part of the system, don't fight it. (please, no comments about how I can choose to do something else, change jobs, find meaning in a job, etc.) Still, some days it feels like I'm the only one motivated to do better work simply because I like income. And because of the fact that I want to make a product that sells well, the customers like, and that helps generate more revenue, (so I have more chance at increased income) I'm the bad guy for pointing out obvious bad things. Yeah! Go me! I'm a team player!

I'm not even going to get started about the weather... I signed up for this stupid 10 mile run this weekend, and it's like 5 below out side. Why did I sign up? For the free T-shirt... Hey wait, I just picked up the shirt today. Why run in the cold? Motivation is slowly slipping away.

Aside from that, last Sunday was awesome. It was probably the best day I've had in quite some time. It wasn't without it's down sides as well, but whatever. I enjoyed Watchmen VERY much, and need to see it again. It was the best movie I have seen in quite some time. Anyone that doesn't like it should read the comic, then see it again. If you still don't like the movie, then you probably just don't like the story (or the comic).

Here's a new one. Megan just fell asleep in my arms while writing this post. Did I just bore her to sleep? Quite possibly... It's 7:30pm, or technically 6:30pm prior to day lights savings. Somehow I have this odd feeling that putting her in her bed to sleep right now is going to be an all time back fire. Who needs sleep anyway, it's overrated. See you at 2am Megan!

And the week shall prevail

The good: Ran 3 days in a row this week with no pains, and by the third day, I'd say I am 100%. Good to feel better finally, especially since I ended up signing up for a 10 mile race for next week. At first I wasn't going to do it, being this early in the year, but it's paid for by my work. Too hard for me to pass up a free run and T-shirt.

The bad: The dark cloud that formed at the end of Feb has yet to pass. Is it that time already? It's usually around once every 6 months. Looking back I think I made a full year this time. It's hard to talk opening and honestly about all the things that have me down right now. Such a mixture of many things, most of which are too private to post about here.

I think that is part of the main reason I haven't been posting much in general. Why bother blogging if I can't really share? I mean, my day to day life is far from exciting. Down right boring for the most part. And I'm certianly not clever enough to come up with interesting whitty blogs about observations on life. (especially when most of those observations are of the negative type)

So where does that leave me? Not sure... Somewhere between trying to enjoy my time with Andrea and Megan, gaming with one of my old best friends from years ago, spending time with my brother and sister in law to see Watchmen this weekend (just finished the novel).

In the end, maybe it is simply just the next phase of my life looming over me that has me brooding about the future again. I'm excited of course, but at the same time seeing the crest of the wave. Am I ready for it to hit? Am I going to be able to ride it, stay on top, and not get buried? Will my current situation hold out long enough to support the ones that need it the most?

The unknowns. They always get to me, because in my mind, it's best to consider all the negative outcomes first. If you assume bad things will always happen, then even the most mundane of good things can seem like the best thing in the whole world.

Snow way!

The last thing I would have expected today was 10 inches of snow. But that's MN for ya. People were bailing ship pretty fast at work, everyone rushing to work from home. I jumped on that band wagon quick and left at 2pm. Decided to skip my run and just come straight home. On the way home I saw 4 cars in the ditch, and one car directly behind me that spun out and almost turned completely around. He stayed on the road and no one behind him hit him, but for a split second I thought he was gonna side swipe my rear end.

My run yesterday started out very positive. Initially, no pain, felt pretty much like a normal run like I had hoped. 2 miles in, and my muscle just spasm'ed again and it felt the same as over the weekend. Sore, but I could run on it, so I finished out 6 more miles. Not recovered yet apparently. Maybe the forced day off today is a good thing.

Andrea's birthday is this weekend, I don't really know what we are doing yet. Maybe she's waiting for me to figure something out, but that probably won't happen. (Hint: Andrea, you should just plan something or tell me what you want to do!) She is going out with a friend tomorrow night, but other then that we have no plans this weekend. Might be a video gaming, running, generally sloth filled weekend.

Sarah: the song I posted recently is by "Over the Rhine", and its called "The Poopsmith Song". Here is an amazon link, you can find lots more from there:

The Poopsmith Song

Phyiscal recovery, mental recovery

I'm running again, but it wasn't without some serious pain. Last week, I had to take the entire week off. I was able to manage some elliptical. It just hurt too much to run. (no, it wasn't my friends fault, he shouldn't feel bad). Not being able to run put me in a generally bad mood all last week.

This weekend I managed 8 miles on Saturday, with two short runs (5.25 and 6 miles) on Sunday/Monday. Saturday I popped a few Ibuprofen prior to the run, and I think that helped. But that was the only day I did that, the others I could manage. Tonight was a rest day and tomorrow I'm hoping is the real start of normal feeling runs. It will probably still pinch a little bit, but it doesn't feel anywhere near like it did last week. Lesson learned? No back lifting without serious care.

So the physical side is healing, but the funk that kicked in has yet to pass. I've been trying very hard to ignore the head lines these days, but it gets harder by the minute. The world at large just seems to suck, and you watch and listen as it sucks the soul out of the people you love and care about. At what point do you just throw your hands up and yell, "Fuck it!"

Fuck Circuit City and $4.7 million dollar executive bonuses for the "Wind Down Incentive and Retention Plan".

Fuck Merrill Lynch Executive Bonus Investigation

Fuck Cash4Gold and it's entire stupid scam.

Fuck the society that continues to convince people that they need to buy more shit, and a free market economy based on credit and money that doesn't really exist.

Fuck the government and it's screwing of hard working, honest people, due to the fuck tard mistakes of banks, people with bad credit, and idiots that buy things they can't afford.

Fuck a system that is going to make us all poorer, as inflation rises, our money becomes worthless, our retirements accounts zero out, and our social security money simply vanish.

Fuck my new mortage loan bank for trying to screw me out of $46.38 for a simple error they easily could have just handled or contacted me about.

Most of all, fuck me for being a poorly informed, non useful contributor to all the negativity out there. As if there isn't enough all ready.

Weakend

Saturday morning I attempted to do some weight lifting. I think I pulled a muscle in my lower back doing squats. Oops. It's not actually my back, it's that lower back upper butt muscle area. I didn't say anything to my friend who I was lifting with, but he'll read this and find out anyway. I'd say the odds of me continuing to do more lifting are about 50/50 right now. I lifted again today, only because running hurt too much. Sigh. I'm so weak, it's pathetic!

Saturday night we went to a dance. Not really sure what to think/say about that. I was uncomfortable and generally just tried to get through the two hours. I felt bad that I disliked it so much, because it's the kind of thing that Andrea enjoys. But what can you do? It's not easy to just flip a switch on your personality like that. Well, unless you have like 6 drinks first. But it wasn't that kind of dance.

Got Dungeons and Dragons coming up this weekend. Somewhat ready for it, but need to do some more thinking this week. If things go well, my players will be entering the 3rd chapter of my epic story. (5 chapters total). They will be level 4 starting this session, and I'm hoping this storyline takes them to level 10. If things go well, that might be towards the end of this year. That would be pretty damn impressive, and be the longest campaign to date.

My brother recorded parts of our last session with this fancy surround sound microphone he bought. Maybe I'll get some of the audio from him or get him to record our next session. Then post some highlights, and people can hear how dorky we get while playing. Wouldn't that be cool?

V-day? D-day?

Just under the wire! So this week, I got sick again. I had maybe 3 days of feeling good and it hit me hard again. I think I was starting to get it over the New Ulm weekend, and then BAM. I don't know what I did to deserve this. Do I need to be more paranoid about germs at work? Do I need to carry a little bottle of hand sanitizer around with me?

Thursday this week, we had a "release party" for work. That is where they do something special for everyone that put in all the hard work to "release" the new version of software. It was a bowling party, at the exact same place we had one last year. Lack of creativity anyone? But hey, 2 hours bowling beats 2 hours at work right?

We were supposed to bowl one game normally, and then one game using the "Fun Rules". The rules were things like, bowl with your other hand. Bowl between your legs. Bowl sitting down. Spin twice during your approach. Step 7 times during your approach. Etc etc. This was all fine, but not something I wanted to do. I actually enjoy attempting to bowl.

So here is what I did. The lane next to us was completely empty because the entire team didn't show up. So I bowled "fun" frames in that lane, doing the silly crap they wanted us to do. And then bowled normally in my own lane. I did better my second game with a double strike and a bunch of spares. After it was over, I left right away.

Turns out while I was gone, I got a prize for "Highest Score in the Fun game." Which was based off my score from bowling normally... Who said cheaters never win?

When, Not If

One post a week a dull blog doth make! I'll remedy it.. really I will. About as soon as I fix my bad eating habits too. Psshaa! Ya right!

This weekend was fun and relaxing. A nice drive down to New Ulm and visit with the in-laws. Megan was happy to have us disappear and spend the rest of weekend with Grandma and Papa B. Andrea and I just messed around downtown New Ulm, the hotel, and then dinner. Somewhere in between we watched some TV, the last half of "Balls of Fury", parts of Aliens vs. Predator, and did some reading. (I worked on D&D)

Dinner was at our usual spot: The Lamplighter. I would highly recommend this place to anyone who finds themselves visiting New Ulm. Is it the best quality food in the world? Probably not. But damn do they have the best waffle fries & fry sauce. All I ate last night were fries, fries, and more fries. I threw in some chicken fingers to round it off, but honestly, I could have just been satisfied with the fries.

I want to eat better, but I can't. For probably the last 6-8 months I've been wanting to "eat less junk, and only eat the things my body needs." Basically, stop eating things for pleasure. For the first 2 years of my changing habits, somehow, I found the will power to do exactly that. But somewhere along the way I lost that. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why, and it finally dawned on me: reason & consequence.

When I first started changing, there was a reason for eating different. That reason was to lose weight. So every time I was offered a cookie or had an opportunity to eat free candy, it was easy for my brain to go "eat that, and you'll undo all of today." Bam, done, easy decision. The decision was reinforced by the reason, due to the consequences of the action.

But now, with the fact that I don't need to lose weight, and with how much I run each night, eating badly doesn't really have much impact. Sure, if I eat REALLY badly a few days in a row I might see a few extra pounds on the scale, but then I just run it off and a few days later come back down. I bounce between 183-188 on the scale, and during extremes, 180-190. I.e. after a high mileage week, or after a high calorie weekend.

The reason to eat right is gone, replaced with simply the fact that, "It's better to eat healthy." And the consequences are gone, replaced with the fact that I run off most excess calories. So I guess the search for motivation to change eating habits will continue...

Super Bowl

About 20 minutes before we head over to my brothers house to watch the super bowl. I've hardly followed any football this year, or any sports for that matter. Watching sports has never been on my top 10 list of things to do, but it is fun watching with other people who do really get into it. Today is a prime example, I didn't even know who the second team playing was (Steelers), and mainly it's just an excuse to spend a few hours with my brother.

Last night Grandma Gayle babysat Megan while Andrea and I had dinner and saw a movie. We went with "Taken" which was enjoyable. I'd give it a 6 out of 10. The worst part of the movie was the previews - Non stop horrible movies coming out, this year might be a dry spell. Thankfully there are a few good ones...

Next weekend Andrea and I are going to head to New Ulm for an overnight, again with free babysitting for Megan. Trying to get as much in before the new baby arrives, and Andrea wanted to take a few days before she's 8 months pregnant and can't enjoy things like that. I still can't believe she went to Ren Fest with me, sitting on hard benches all day, while 8 months pregnant. Was I just that clueless?

Anyway, time to cut this short. As always, I think I need to make more time for my blog. Maybe... but I've said that a thousand times before.

My Gift

It's been a fast month. I had a lot of preparing to do last week for a Dungeons and Dragons session on Jan 17th. The session itself was a mixture of awesome and odd. The important thing is that everyone had fun even though I wasn't fully prepped. The plot is starting to unfold and the next few sessions are all about "discovery". In terms of a movie, it's that middle section where you start to learn some facts but not everything is fully revelaed yet.

Work is just work, I haven't been giving it much thought recently. Next few weeks will be interesting as we get through review time, and I let my higher ups know that I will be taking the 4 weeks off in May/June. So far only one person I trust knows about the coming baby.

In the meantime, I'm trying to survive the cold weather with as much indoor running as I can handle. It's tough, so far the longest distance I've been able to manage is 12 miles, on Jan 1st. I haven't been able to do that again. That long on a treadmill just drives you nuts.

So on to the real reason for this post. Sometimes in life, you come across something you just have to share. This is one of those times. Not gonna say what it is, but just listen to the whole thing. Then, imagine Megan dancing around in a circle singing along. My gift to you is hopefully a smile.

Cold

Simply cold. On the radio this morning, they said it hadn't been this cold since 2004. In 2004, Andrea was working the late shift at Target collections, coming home at 11pm at night. I remember it because her car ended up breaking down somewhere right off the highway, and I had to pick her up in my Mom's truck. Now I know why she hated that commute so much... I think I might have been a bit insensitive about it at the time, seeing as how I wasn't even working...

Aside from the cold, this week is going well, I heard that my Mom and sister-in-law survived lay offs, so that's got to count for something. Watching unemployment rise, more companies disapearing, and the economy generally sucking is just a great way to stay positive. At some point you just have to shut your brain off to all of it, try to "do your best job" and just try to be ready for when the shit hits the fan. Nothing lasts forever.

I recently started thinking again about a topic that comes back to me every now and then, and that being my choice of worker drone status in life. I'm positive I've mentioned this quote before, but I can't find it in a quick search. It's from Ralph Waldo Emerson. Here's the short version:

The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who also knows why will always be his boss.

In the limited 10+ years I've been working, I've always been in the role of the man who knows how. I know how the system works, I know how to make improvments, and I know how to build it, maintain it, or fix it. I can start to see the importance of the why, the value in the why, but I still can't seem to make that leap to caring about the why.

Who gives a rats ass why some company is willing to pay some other company millions of dollars for services, technologies, or software products? Is the "why" important when the "business" asks for certian features? When a boss comes and asks you to do something, do you ask him "why"? No... so why ask why?

I think the answer lies in the full quote from Mr. Emerson, that being ambition. Do I have ambitions to be something other than a worker drone? Maybe... but figuring out what that means is the hard part. Maybe for me, it simply means having a goal of one day being my own boss?

Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it. The man who knows how will always have a job. The man who also knows why will always be his boss. As to methods there may be a million and then some, but principles are few. The man who grasps principles can successfully select his own methods. The man who tries methods, ignoring principles, is sure to have trouble.

Silly Resolutioners, Go Home

It's not that I'm against new years resolutions. I have a slew of them this year. Probably more this year than any previous year. This year they are a set of very specific things for very specific people for very specific reasons. Yes, I'm being vague because everyone of them is not for sharing.

But every year, it's the same damn thing at the gym. Jan 1st starts and all of a sudden, no parking spots at the gym. Lines for the treadmills. A slew of people walking... on my treadmills. Yeah, MY treadmills damnit. I'll come right out and admit it, I get straight up pissed off when I see 12 people all just walking on a treadmill. I'm happy you are trying to get healthy, but go walk around the mall or something.

Sigh... I'm falling over to the dark side I think.

I'm supposed to have a Dungeons and Dragons session next Saturday, and I haven't even started preparing. The holidays and all that really distracted. I was afraid when I added WoW back into the mix last month that it might cut into my D&D time, and sure enough, it has. I knew all along that if I wanted to do both hobbies, I'd have to prioritize my free time to split between the two. Time to hit the books and come up with some story lines... Go go creativity!

In the meantime, sounds like the end of this week is just going to dump tons of snow on us. That will be tons of fun for my commute. I think I'll just have to go in at like 5am on Friday so that I can leave at 3pm. Sounds like a good plan...

New Blarg Year

I made the mistake of reading the newspaper this morning. If there was anymore doom and gloom in there, you'd think I wrote some of the articles. From layoffs to bad economies and all the rest. What a way to ring in the new year!

Andrea and I were slated to do a dinner at the Palomino downtown on New Years Eve, but due to some unforeseen circumstances, were unable to go. Those same circumstances prevented my Mom from even being able to attend Christmas day with her family, but she is on the way to recovery now so that is good news.

Instead, I entered 2009 with a nasty cold. Seriously. 5 days of vacation, and I'm sick for more then half of it. I wasn't sick all year, and now this? Screw you karma, what the F#@* did I do to deserve that? I ended the year with 17 hours of unused sick time, that's how not-sick I was this year. Blarg.

There has got to be something positive to talk about, but it's hard to come up with anything the Sunday before going back to work, and the start of remainder of the winter grind. Those first months of the year are the longest, with no sunlight, crappy driving, and no days off until Easter.

Oh hey, wait. I just remembered the positive thing I was supposed to post about. Thankfully, the memory of it just erased all the above negativity. Sweet how that works.

WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER GIRL!!! (90% rule applies).

I'll be straight up honest and say I'm excited to have another girl. From already having all girl stuff to the pure fact that hey, I've done all my learning so far as a parent with a girl, so maybe a small percentage of it will apply the second time around. We haven't talked names yet, and I'm not sure if we will go straight back to the final "cut" list before, or if we will start fresh. I know personally, I will want to go back through and make a few new lists, but I already know that a some of my favorites from before are still going to be back.

So that's all for now, here's to making it through 2009 with positive results. Positive attitudes... maybe?

Beyond Cold

Just a few days left until Christmas and we got a crap load of snow and cold weather dropped on us. At least it waited until the weekend. Commute times have been horrible lately, taking as much as an hour or more. So far nothing has topped last years record of a 2 hour commute.

This last week has been full of ups and downs leading up to Christmas. From work, to family, to Megan, to me. I'm glad I ended up taking as much time off as I did, I can use the break. Just 4 working days for me left this year. (2 sets of Monday/Tuesday). This weekend we mostly just stayed inside, although we did get out today to do some shopping and over to my Mom's. I'm blogging from her computer now while everyone else is watching Shrek with Megan.

Christmas Eve we will be heading to the Anderson's in the evening. Seeing everyone will be great. There have been a number of bad things that have happened to pretty much everyone on that side of the family, so hopefully this will be a time to forget all that and just remember the good times. I think back on my life and how, no matter what else, Christmas Eve and Christmas day were always there. Always a time to see family, always a time to enjoy food, company, and for the kids, lots of gifts. I think about the future too and how much I want to hold on to that as long as I can, and perhaps, if needed, begin my own family traditions that Megan gets to grow up with year after year.

Speaking of that, Christmas morning will be just such a tradition. For the last few years we've decided to claim Christmas morning as the one "small" family thing we do. I love to make a big breakfast for everyone, something my Dad used to do from time to time. I can't recall if he did it every single Christmas morning, but it was something he is remembered for today. I like to think about him while I'm cooking for everyone. This year, Andrea's parents will also be making the drive up to spend the morning with us. Long story short, it means our Christmas time driving this year is going to be greatly reduced. Can't complain about that!

Probably won't get to post again until after Christmas, so I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful week. Stay safe and stay warm!!

Merry Christmas!

Seriously Slacking

Not enough posts make Shawn a dull blogger. Yes, I start out every post bitching about how I don't post enough. Tough, suck it up and deal with it. Somewhere right around Thanksgiving, I decided to start playing World of Warcraft again, which I had quit back in April. This time, I'm not going to get into any of the competitive aspects, it's purely going to be what it should have been all along: a night time hobby to pass some time. I'm going to miss the extra hours of sleep, but whatever. I've been sleeping too much as it is.

Anyway, that was a really long story to explain why I'm not blogging as much.

Last Monday, I came home to an awesome surprise. Out of no where, Megan sang her entire ABC's song to me! She had recently started singing the whole "Twinkle Twinkle" song as well, even to the point where she wouldn't want you to sing along with her sometimes. "No Daddy, I do it!" It was a joy to come home and hear her belt out the whole ABCs.

Not everything is going so well, I am still struggling with her physicality and dissobediance. Sure, it might just be normal 3 year old behavior, but it sure doesn't make it any easier. When I have no good comparisons to draw from, I just assume Megan is a little hellion. Punching and kicking me if I take away something, throwing toys at me if I don't do what she wants immediately when she wants it. Every night is excitement!

I've been thinking hard about my New Years resolutions, and finally came to some realizations. (don't I always?) For starters, I decided resolutions are usually by definition, somewhat selfish. I've decide this year that I'm going to make my resolutions in a slightly different way. One for myself, and all others for someone else. I'm sure this makes no sense, but again, whatever! I'll be the first to admit my brain hasn't been firing on all cylinders lately.

I Do It

This week was easier than last week despite the fact that it was a full week instead of 3 days. December is always a slow time for software development. One interesting thing did occur this week. It's one of those things that once again, I better not post about. Let's just say, I've officially lost all faith that the business has any clue what it's doing. Long story, but you're going to have to ask me in person.

In other news, Megan's Independence is hitting all new levels. I've always had this feeling she had more "independent" traits than normal kids. Positive things like never going through a separation phase when we left her places. And negative things like not listening to her parents. Either way, I think it's all starting to make sense. Meaning, I'm starting to see her personality emerging as a whole. Doesn't make it any less challenging, but at least I might be able to start focusing on the way her personality influences her actions. And if I'm lucky, maybe start to focus on how to guide her actions based on her personality. Make sense? Good.

Basically the last 2-3 weeks has begun the "I do it!" phase. Megan has to do EVERYTHING her self. And she will let us know. And then she will smack us or run away if we try to help. From putting clothes on, to pouring juice, to putting the toothpaste on her toothbrush. You name it, "I DO IT!". She won't even let me help her with the computer these day!

Yesterday we had a very nice visit with Santa Clause. Megan said she was going to ask Santa for party hats and candy for Christmas. And sure enough when we got there, she asked for party hats (she had party hats for her birthday party back in October). This may sound weird, but we saw Santa Clause at our realators office, Edina Realty. We had also gone there for Halloween to do jumpers and get a free pumpkin. I have to say, our realtors are very nice. After arriving, they gave us a big popcorn tin, a nice fleece blanket, and a stuffed Santa for Megan.

Megan and Santa:


Megan picked out what face painting she wanted. She choose Rudolph.


Not quite sure what to think about her expression, but I'm glad I captured it.


Checking herself out in a mirror after it was all done.

To Climb a Mountain

Thank you everyone for the congrats and well wishes. Also a big congrats to Adam & Pilar! I hope you guys are both doing very well. Plenty of time for more baby news later, so back to "me" things.

I finally finished reading Why We Hate Us. It was a struggle to get through the middle section, as it got very boring and almost rant-like as the author went on and on about politics, news media, and our obsessions with fake crap (like celebrities). But in the end, he finally brought it together. Honestly though, from a pure philosophical point of view, I would have rather just read the first two chapters and the last chapter.

His final thoughts really got me thinking, which is exactly what I had hoped would happen all along. It was the reason I got the damn book, because I felt like I identified in some way with what he was trying to say. He basically said that introspection is not the path to happiness. He drew an analogy that attempting to find happiness through introspection is akin to "climbing a difficult mountain simply because you want the picture on the office wall; you either won't make it to the top or the experience will be hollow and unimportant."

That struck a nerve with me. I'm not saying it's got me doing a 180 on how I think about things, but it does have me reflecting on decisions in a different light. The other core idea he presents is authenticity, and making decisions for authentic reasons. I have often stated out loud how I hate "fake" people, but how authentic am I?

Here is the core passage that I enjoyed tonight, I just wanted to share it in it's entirety:

For our purposes, trying "to climb a mountain to prove how big you are" is similar to trying to find your true self or worldly status to solve your life's problems. This is a doomed venture not just because it is selfish but because it's looking for happiness in all the wrong places. This is frustrating because society seems to promise that you can get to the summit of Mount Self going solo. But you can't. You can only climb. So much of our well-intentioned, high-toned modern soul searching is like an internal version of striving for material success, believing that you can get to the top of Mount Happy and Healthy, displaying yourself to the world in a way that will bring instant stature, respect, and love; that acquiring something - even something "spiritual" - can be an enduring part of your happiness and worth, be it a flat-screen television, fancy job title, tattoo, gun, tenured professorship, great body, wealth, fame, blond hair, a bigger house than your neighbor's, or a well-received book. It's like the hedonistic treadmill. Someone will always have a bigger television, car, bass boat, job and house, or a better book. So "you almost never make it," as Pirsig* said. If those are the goals you seek, you will "have to prove yourself again and again in some other way, and again and again and again."* You'll worry about being exposed.

So if you want to climb Mount Authenticity, think about the climb, about making decisions for authentic reasons. Those will, in turn, be unselfish decisions. Think about climbing well and being a good climbing partner to others. Don't fixate on the summit.

*Items are from Robert Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance which he quotes a lot.

M.I.A.

Nothing like the holidays to pull me away from any time to blog. Even now Megan is pulling at my arm and pissed that I want a few minutes to myself. I swear, last week was the longest short week I've ever had. It was like the 3 day work week that would never end. Thankfully it finally did, and I've been able to forget about work for a few days.

Thanksgiving was uneventful this year as we did our standard day of driving. First to New Ulm to Andrea's parents house for an early meal followed up with a drive back to my Mom's house for an evening meal. I decided this year to give up pie and for the most part succeeded, although I did sneak a few bites at my Mom's house because one of my aunts had made a bunch of home made pies. Normally we just have an army of Baker's Square pies.

Last night I took two of my friends out for a birthday dinner. They both have birthdays this week. It was a great visit, like it usually is. It's simply amazing how much can change in a single year (the last time we were all together). Combined, we all had some pretty major life events this year. Here's to hoping we can find more time to get together in 2009.

So speaking of change and 2009, I'm at that point where I'm thinking about the new year and things I want to change/do better/improve. Not sure where I'll end up, but I have a few ideas cooking. Some honestly too private to share, others that I'll probably post about. One way or another, I have this premonition that 2009 is going to be a very pivotal year (and not just for me).

The big news for me and 2009 is that Andrea and I are expecting our second child, due to arrive around May. I know it's kind of odd to just mention this for the first time at the end here, as opposed to an entire post devoted to the news. I'm sure those will come eventually! The important part: everyone is healthy and Andrea is doing great. She seems to be through the rougher morning sickness parts and she heard the baby's heartbeat earlier this month.

That's all for now, but expect more news in the coming weeks and of course, my yearly rambling about goals or, dare I say, my new years resolutions.

1am wake up call

You may recall at the beginning of the month I was mentioning having tough sleeping times at night. Well, it's 1am and I'm having another one. We went to bed around 9pm with Megan sleeping in our bed. She was having a rough night so we just decided to lay down. Fast forward to 12:30am and Andrea asked if I would move Megan down to her bed. It didn't go so well and by the end of it I was wide awake. After tossing and turning for 30 minutes, I decided to just get out of bed.

Oddly, work isn't the main thing keeping me up at this point. Oh, don't get me wrong. It's contributing no doubt. Today I stood up in front of a room full of CEOs, CIOs, CFOs, COOs, VPs, and directors (15-20 total?). Nerve wracking? Just a little bit. I survived, and now have one more life experience in my back pocket to draw from. Should I need to do it again, I'll probably do an even better job of it. Thankfully, my portion was a mere 10 minutes.

No, the thing keeping me up tonight is... drum roll... my hobby! Yes, sadly my one remaining form of entertainment, Dungeons and Dragons, is keeping me up. My mind is running through scenarios, ideas, plot lines, and all the rest. Added to that are my struggles with getting people together, and my constant thoughts of "Oh jeez, I should just give this all up." I've basically forced the guys I play with to give me more feedback that they actually enjoy playing enough to keep going. Because without that feedback, it just felt like I was forcing them to play for my own amusement.

We will be "playing" Saturday night. I put the quotes around playing, because honestly, I don't even know how much playing we will actually do. My brother won't be there, so that's one short already. Another guy is most likely working late, and hasn't got back to me with a specific time. So that leaves only 3 others... Not that we CAN'T run the session with 3 players and me, but it just makes it much more difficult. Not to mention, the whole continuity thing of "Oh and now that Neal is here, his guy magically comes walking in from around the corner."

I've also been putting together an "Adventure Website" for my own personal fun. I'd say in total, it was around 10 hours of work, so not too bad all things considered. The hardest part was finding a good starting template. I think I spent a whole hour searching google and finding something simple that I liked. The end result is sort of neat, and I thought it would be a fun way to track the adventure over time. And give the "storyline" more life, so the players could look back and review "Okay, what the heck happened 4 weeks ago at the last session?".

Shawn's crazy "I have too much time on my hands" AD&D Web site

Now I suppose, I'll try to go get some sleep. Gotta work in 4 hours!

Why I Need a Life

Okay maybe "life" is a bit much. More like, "why I need other things in my life besides work". That was just too long for a blog title. Work has been dragging on me lately. 10 hour days, end of the year type of crap, new stuff going out soon, etc. Same story really, only this time, it's almost anti climactic. I'm just too jaded.

I had this long post made up, and at the last minute decided it was just too much about work. Call me paranoid I guess. You hear about the whole "Oh my gawd, don't blog about work or you will get fired" crap. I guess I buy into that. It's sad really, because it's a pretty funny story. If you ever talk to me in person sometime, have me tell you the "The 50,000th bug" story.

I ran into my old physics teacher at the gym last night. It was fun seeing him, I suppose he was surprised I remembered his full name. He said he remembered me, although I just assumed he was being nice. But then again, if there was any teacher I had that would actually be able to remember students from 14 years ago, it would be Mr. Michels. We chatted for a bit, and I told him how over the years I always love to tell people the model rocket story.


The model rocket experiment involved launching a rocket and determining the height it reached using a known distance on the ground and a measured angle. Simple trigonometry. I had my normal rocket for the experiment, and also one of the smallest rockets you could buy, typically called "The Mosquito". I painted it all black, because that was cool. This rocket could only fit the smallest possible engine, size A.

After the experiment, I launched my Mosquito. It basically disappeared the moment it launched. It was too small to follow... Well, that was fun. Later on, someone ended up finding it in the field and brought it back to me. Mr. Michels had an idea. Let's tape the largest possible engine (size D) around it and then launch it! Hell ya, that sounds like a great idea!

The result? Just a little too much engine. It launched so fast, it got stuck on the wire of the launch pad, which fell over, and then shot straight off along the ground into some nearby woods. Mr. Michels looked around, and goes: "Don't tell anyone about that!"

When I mentioned to him that I loved to tell that story, he said that he still tells it in his classroom too! I'm sure his version is a little toned down, but it was fun to hear him say that. He also said that they had a new group simply called "The Rockets". They have competitions where they have to launch a rocket with an egg and altimeter inside, and reach an exact height of 750 feet. Then the rocket has to land within 45 seconds. Apparently the AVHS team has made it to nationals 4 times.

Googled up some links:
AVHS Rocket Team
Rocket Team seeks rarified air of national title (Sept 2007)

Hold on Tight

It's 11:11pm and I should be sleeping. But work is no fun, and I'd rather blog a response to Scooter, about this book I'm reading. A small part of me wonders if I'm just intellectually starved. Like when you eat that first bite of cottage cheese after a 10 mile run. Cottage cheese tastes "okay" by itself, but after a long run without breakfast? It tastes DIVINE!

I agree that we are better off than before. The point Meyers was trying to make is that our material well-being, health, and safety aren't proportionate to our psychic or emotional well-being. That's the part that I agreed with, and have tried to touch on in the past in my whiny sort of way. (then Keara comes in and tells me to count my blessings)

So now we are right back to the same question about happiness. How can one be unhappy given all the blessings mentioned above? (material well-being, health, and safety) And this author, in a long, drawn out, round about way tries to tackle that question. Not directly, but with small tid-bits here and there that I'm slowly trying to digest.

Sadly, the books focus is not a question on happiness, but of why Americans are discontent (his main beef it seems, is with media). Still, I find myself connecting to a lot of different things he has to say, especially a section on "Broadband Babies", referring to those born after the turn of the century, in the range of the 2020 college grads. It's hard not to think about that part in context of Megan, growing up in this age.

The problem with the book is that it is seriously ALL over the place. It's like a long stream of consciousness with not enough organization. It's an enjoyable read, but an odd mix of deep philosophical concepts with light anecdotal stories. But when he starts quoting my favorite philosopher (Søren Kierkegaard), I can't help but read on.

Truthiness

The other day, I was reading one of Andrea's magazines. I couldn't tell you the name of it without going upstairs to check it. The Week maybe? The important part is that somewhere in the magazine, I read the following quote from Mark Twain, which I think I've read before:

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

I then read an interesting story at the end of the magazine, which ended up being an excerpt from a book. Combined with the quote above, I decided to get my hands on this book: Why We Hate Us. Luckily, it was readily available at the Library.

In the second page of the preface, the author states, "I make no claims to originality..." A man after my own heart! I was hooked. About every other page of this book has some thought or idea I'd love to take and make a blog post about. (and in some small ways, have tried to)

Needless to say, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what Dick Meyer has to say about American culture, values, and why we hate us. I even agree with how he clearly states look, there are tons of people so bad off in society they don't have the luxury of the kinds of things I think (worry?) about. As he puts it, "They can't afford to indulge in social self-loathing."

But I can. And for no other reason then why a dog licks himself.

At one point, he quotes the book The Progress Paradox which basically states how all measurements of typical "standard of living" have increased since the end of World War II. "... just about every objective indicator of social welfare has trended upward on a pretty much uninterrupted basis for two generations."

What's the opposite of that? Just this:

But graphs would lose their skyward direction when the topics turn to the inner self. The trend line for happiness has been flat for fifty years. The trend line is negative for the number of people who consider themselves "very happy," that percentage gradually declining since the 1940s.

Am I looking to a very specific place to find validation of my own beliefs and thoughts about what happiness means? Maybe... But maybe that's exactly what *I* needed to be happier. Just confirmation that other people out there believe what I do. That see the fake, bullshit, and materialistic aspects of our culture for what they are. And that it's okay to hate the system you are part of.

On the last page of the preface, he also states, "I don't have answers." That sums it up right there. I never said I had answers either, or did I ever think there were any. But not having any answers shouldn't stop one from asking the questions or engaging in intellectual discourse about the things that, quite frankly, "make me hate us."

Sure Happy It's Thursday

Note: Blog title last used Thursday, March 02, 2006

Just to prove my unoriginality, I even copy from myself. Neat huh? Apparently that is the first time I had ever posted about work... weird. One of the things about work is that you can typically drone on for long periods of time, discussing in vague terms problems, struggles, communication issues, things that aren't being done well by management, etc. But the truth is, all that stuff is just bull shit rambling about things that have no meaning. (something I excel at)

In the 10 plus years that I've worked at the bottom of the ladder in my cube farm, the reality I've come to see is this: the people at the bottom doing all the work don't have enough power to make any decent change and the people at the top making all the decisions don't understand enough about how things really are to make good decisions.

In the end, people seem to just float along, some causing positive waves, some causing negative waves, but for the most part, just going along for the ride. And in the end, hoping that the ship doesn't sink so they can keep getting a paycheck. It isn't that people don't want to do a "good job" or "work hard", it's just that when the ship is so large, doing anything to change the course is pretty much impossible.

The cool part about being at the bottom of the ladder is this: if an iceberg is coming, you are usually the first one to see it way before anyone else. Not that I see any on the horizon right now, but I have my predictions. And in my experience, my predictions tend to turn out correct more often than I would like.

Case of the... oh who am I kidding

The weather today erased any Monday blahs. I couldn't BELIEVE how nice it was outside for another late season outdoor run. I also got out on Sunday at the last minute. I drove ALL the way to the gym before even realizing how nice out it was, and changing my indoor plans to outdoor. 3 days and 24 miles later...

It's amazing how my brain works. I had my standard "wake up at 2am for no reason" again last night, only this time it was different. For starters, it was Sunday, so by this time I had forgotten about any lingering problems/issues/lame crap at work. Added to that was the fact that we had made our decisions about our refinancing. End result? The 2am wake up was just a blip, as I drifted back to sleep almost immediately. Ahhhh was it nice.

I didn't post anything about Halloween yet, but we had a lot of fun Friday night. We made plans to go around with our neighbors, and their kids. Andrea was working with Megan part of the day, going over what we would do. Mainly we just wanted her to focus on saying the Trick or Treat and Thank you's. The first picture is actually from the previous weekend, when Megan was at my Mom's house on Saturday night. She wanted me to share that... The one after is the night of Halloween.





The night started out quite funny, because our neighbors arrived and lo and behold... Their daughter was also a Unicorn! We hadn't talked at all about what our kids were going to dress up as, so it was a surprise to everyone to see the girls dressed the same. Too funny!



The weather was great, the kids had a great time, Megan did well for the most part. She got tired eventually, which was understandable. That costume she had was very warm and heavy. I overdosed heavily on candy all weekend, but what else is new. There is a reason I don't buy candy, cause I can't stop eating it.

Well that's all for now. If I want to get more than 1 post up a week, I can't go on forever. Gotta save something to drone on about later this week.

Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me

Did you know that phrase originated from the Simpsons? Me either... This whole only blogging on Saturday crap has to end soon. I'll see what I can do about that, and try my best to get more crazy thoughts up during the week as well.

Turns out Andrea and I both couldn't sleep from 2am-4am this morning. We've both had trouble sleeping lately, from the Megan coming into the bedroom incidents, to stress, to everything else in between. Usually for me during the week I wake up and start thinking about work and CANNOT SHUT OFF MY BRAIN. Eventually I just have to use, I guess what you might call, focusing exercises. I have to basically concentrate on thinking about nothing. Trust me, it's not fun.

Last night for my 2am tossing and turning, I got into my usual thinking (worrying?) about the future, finances, work, and all that. You see, Andrea and I are on the brink of refinancing. We locked in a very decent rate of 5.875% on a 30 year fixed, along with a secondary interest only loan at U.S. Prime+1. That means the secondary will start (and have a floor) of 5%, due to recent cuts that have the current U.S. Prime at 4%. Needless to say, it's a decent set of loans.

The bad news, and the part that makes the decision harder is that we had the official appraisal, and it wasn't pretty. Our home value came back at $1,000 more than we paid for it. That's it. 0.13% value increase over 4 years! I'm trying to look at it in a positive way, and think, we'll at least in this worst period of home value, my home was able to maintain?

Overall, any refinance has associated fees and taxes, so there will be some costs associated with it, which in effect, cause us to "take a step back" in terms of overall loan debt. And with the home value what it is, our second mortgage is not going to go away any time soon, which was the whole goal of the refinancing to a 30 year fixed. (only have 1 mortgage) So if we go through with this refinance... it's going to have obvious long term implications. But not refinancing now could lead to even worse situations in 3 years, when our 7/1 ARM expires.

Hands down, the biggest impact is this: If we go forward with this refinance, we are basically in effect saying, Yes, we are going to live in this house for the next 5 years at a minimum. I have no doubts that we can make that work, and that ultimately, it is probably the better decision right now in our life (to stay put). And the truth is, back when all the home market shit hit the fan, I knew right then I would be unable to move for a long time. So it's not like this is some big surprise.

Now, if only gas could stay at $2.06 for the next 5-10 years... Maybe the commute wouldn't hurt so bad.