Apathy. That word I love to hate. Or do I hate to love? It's come up before on my blog, and I couldn't help but spend some time reading this post from two years ago. Are things different now? Has my outlook changed at all? In a lot of ways, it hasn't. There are a lot of truths to be found.
I also found it interesting to be reminded what it was like to post my honest thoughts. No sugar coating, no censoring. Just raw brain dump, take it or leave it. I should go back to that, because it's what I always wanted my blog to be. Why not share the realities of me? If people disagree with me or think I'm full of ..it, then why would they want to waste time knowing me anyway?
So... back to apathy. Is apathy itself, inherently good or bad? That is what I've been thinking about lately. I think that by today's definition, apathy gets a bad rap. It's defined more as a negative emotion, bordering on depression and a general lack of concern for ones well being.
I have none of that, yet I consider myself very apathetic. Oddly enough, one of the more common definitions of apathy is "absence of emotion". So how can apathy be both an emotion and the absence of emotion? I think the apathy I feel, is the general lack of concern for things that... don't concern me. Or even more broadly, a lack of concern for the things that... are the way they are.
What it seems to come down to is this: Everything in my life I feel like I can control, I've taken control of. I've poured every ounce of energy I can into bringing about the most positive changes I could come up with in all aspects of my life that I seemed to have control over. So what does that leave me with? All the shit that just is what it is, and will always be. And THAT'S what I'm apathetic about.
Am I making all the right choices? Am I living life the best way possible? Who knows... it's not like there is any one answer to those questions, and the fact is, no one ever talks about those questions anyway. So I'll I have is my own thoughts, my own questions, and my own answers.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Weekend Warrior
Honestly, I do wish I could blog more then once a week, but time just escapes me. Between my nightly runs, other activities, and my own need to just relax a bit each night, I can't seem to find the time.
Work is definitely not helping matters either. I'm not stressed out about it, which is an odd feeling for a change. I've come to the realization that I have absolutely no interest in dealing with the shit that rolls down hill anymore. Let it come, I can brush it off, dodge it, ignore it. Doesn't matter to me.
So this morning I did a 10k run, Heart of the Summer 10k. It's an easy run around Lake Nokomis a few times, but being this time of year, it's usually hot and humid. Today was no exception, but the day did start out on a cool note (63 degrees). I decided to go ahead and try to run a fast pace, and I think I was able to get another PR. (waiting for official results). Somewhere around 15 seconds faster then my last 10k. Not too shabby!
I then ran a little more after the 10k, for about another 30 minutes. Then I headed over to pay my Grandparents a visit, since I was only about a mile away from them. (Hi Grandma and Grandpa!!!!!). They have a lap top now, and although my Grandma hasn't touched it yet, my Grandpa has my blog book marked.
So on that note, a few more pictures for them and everyone else. These were taken today.
Just eating lunch:
Mom and Megan:
Work is definitely not helping matters either. I'm not stressed out about it, which is an odd feeling for a change. I've come to the realization that I have absolutely no interest in dealing with the shit that rolls down hill anymore. Let it come, I can brush it off, dodge it, ignore it. Doesn't matter to me.
So this morning I did a 10k run, Heart of the Summer 10k. It's an easy run around Lake Nokomis a few times, but being this time of year, it's usually hot and humid. Today was no exception, but the day did start out on a cool note (63 degrees). I decided to go ahead and try to run a fast pace, and I think I was able to get another PR. (waiting for official results). Somewhere around 15 seconds faster then my last 10k. Not too shabby!
I then ran a little more after the 10k, for about another 30 minutes. Then I headed over to pay my Grandparents a visit, since I was only about a mile away from them. (Hi Grandma and Grandpa!!!!!). They have a lap top now, and although my Grandma hasn't touched it yet, my Grandpa has my blog book marked.
So on that note, a few more pictures for them and everyone else. These were taken today.
Just eating lunch:
Mom and Megan:
Friday, July 18, 2008
Tried (tired?) and Failed
Here it is, 10:21pm at night. I attempted to do some work but my brain is simply done. It occurred to me I've been up since 4:30am, so I'm sure that's part of the problem. So instead of attempting to post anything regarding a coherent thought, here are some pictures I've been wanting to share.
A recent trip to the zoo, where Megan got some better quality bear time.
And more...
Just Megan.
Us messing around.
Last weekend, before our adventure.
A recent trip to the zoo, where Megan got some better quality bear time.
And more...
Just Megan.
Us messing around.
Last weekend, before our adventure.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Old and New
Still two words Megan likes to use, and she definitely understands the concepts behind them. Recently she wore a "new" pair of shoes, and she put the two words together, "new shoes". That's not exactly what this post is about...
17 years ago when my father passed away, one of my uncles planted a pine tree in our front yard in his memory. I remember it well, barely 4 feet tall. The sad news is that the recent storms in our area knocked the now 25 foot tree right over.
It was pretty sad to hear about the news that the tree had fallen over. Later we learned that the roots had already started to rot, and so that is most likely why it fell over so easily. Still, I know my Mom probably had some tears over it even if she didn't admit to me.
But it's funny how life works. There are two sides to everything. And with the death of that tree brings the birth of a new one. This one planted by Grandma and Papa B, one for each of their grand kids. The same day that we saw the downed tree we also saw the new tree.
It didn't even dawn on me the significance of the two events until I uploaded the pictures from my camera. As I started going through them, and I saw these pictures back to back, it was like something clicked. One of those moments that can't help but feel more than just random coincidence. What are the odds that on the same day, I would happen to see both trees, one fallen and one new, both having been planted for someone I love and care about?
I'm not saying I had some kind of spiritual epiphany, but I have to admit the feeling was hard to rule out as pure chance. And to be completely honest, deep down, it just felt good to think that maybe Dad just needed a change of scenery, and wanted to be a part of "Megan's Tree".
17 years ago when my father passed away, one of my uncles planted a pine tree in our front yard in his memory. I remember it well, barely 4 feet tall. The sad news is that the recent storms in our area knocked the now 25 foot tree right over.
It was pretty sad to hear about the news that the tree had fallen over. Later we learned that the roots had already started to rot, and so that is most likely why it fell over so easily. Still, I know my Mom probably had some tears over it even if she didn't admit to me.
But it's funny how life works. There are two sides to everything. And with the death of that tree brings the birth of a new one. This one planted by Grandma and Papa B, one for each of their grand kids. The same day that we saw the downed tree we also saw the new tree.
It didn't even dawn on me the significance of the two events until I uploaded the pictures from my camera. As I started going through them, and I saw these pictures back to back, it was like something clicked. One of those moments that can't help but feel more than just random coincidence. What are the odds that on the same day, I would happen to see both trees, one fallen and one new, both having been planted for someone I love and care about?
I'm not saying I had some kind of spiritual epiphany, but I have to admit the feeling was hard to rule out as pure chance. And to be completely honest, deep down, it just felt good to think that maybe Dad just needed a change of scenery, and wanted to be a part of "Megan's Tree".
Sunday, July 06, 2008
One... Two... Five!
Yes, I quoted Shakespeare, yes there is such a thing as realistic fantasy, and yes, my D&D session went great, thanks for asking! I was using the term "realistic fantasy" to actually mean "non-contrived fantasy". That is to say, a world and an adventure that doesn't feel forced and unnatural. An adventure that takes the players on the path I want them to be on, but because they want to be on that path as well. Not just because the DM said so.
Anyway... enough about that. We are squeezing as much fun as we can into this weekend. Friday we tried to do the Apple Valley parade, but once again the heat and time of day just ruined it. Seriously, who plans a parade for the hottest part of the day in the hottest part of the year? It should be mandatory that all July 4th parades start at 9am.
We recovered, and followed up with a morning at the Waterpark on Saturday. It was great, Megan and I went down our first water slide together. (her first ever) We went down at least 6 or 7 times, and she loved it. By the end, I had her at the top yelling "Ready! Go!" and we would shoot down.
Today we visited the Children's Museum, and it was MUCH better than the last time we went. We got there right at opening, 9am. We had the entire place to ourselves for the first 30 minutes and then even after that, it never got crowded. We did colors, words, and all sorts of fun stuff. The new exhibit was Once Upon a Time, Exploring the World of Fairy Tales. Megan dressed up with fairy wings, climbed up the magic beanstalk (attached to a slide), and road in Cinderella's carriage! She also said a new word after all her fun, "Princess"! We were very excited about that.
Even with all that fun going on, I was able to get some time and see Hancock this weekend which I enjoyed, and Andrea went out with a friend of hers to celebrate a birthday. And the best part? The weekend isn't even over yet!
Tonight we'll go out for dinner for my brothers birthday which was last week, and then tomorrow we have Zoo plans. Although we went to the Zoo just a few weeks ago, it was so packed that I'd love to go back and enjoy the bears and new stuff with less crowds. Similar to this mornings 9am plan, tomorrow we will hit the Zoo right at opening time.
Anyway... enough about that. We are squeezing as much fun as we can into this weekend. Friday we tried to do the Apple Valley parade, but once again the heat and time of day just ruined it. Seriously, who plans a parade for the hottest part of the day in the hottest part of the year? It should be mandatory that all July 4th parades start at 9am.
We recovered, and followed up with a morning at the Waterpark on Saturday. It was great, Megan and I went down our first water slide together. (her first ever) We went down at least 6 or 7 times, and she loved it. By the end, I had her at the top yelling "Ready! Go!" and we would shoot down.
Today we visited the Children's Museum, and it was MUCH better than the last time we went. We got there right at opening, 9am. We had the entire place to ourselves for the first 30 minutes and then even after that, it never got crowded. We did colors, words, and all sorts of fun stuff. The new exhibit was Once Upon a Time, Exploring the World of Fairy Tales. Megan dressed up with fairy wings, climbed up the magic beanstalk (attached to a slide), and road in Cinderella's carriage! She also said a new word after all her fun, "Princess"! We were very excited about that.
Even with all that fun going on, I was able to get some time and see Hancock this weekend which I enjoyed, and Andrea went out with a friend of hers to celebrate a birthday. And the best part? The weekend isn't even over yet!
Tonight we'll go out for dinner for my brothers birthday which was last week, and then tomorrow we have Zoo plans. Although we went to the Zoo just a few weeks ago, it was so packed that I'd love to go back and enjoy the bears and new stuff with less crowds. Similar to this mornings 9am plan, tomorrow we will hit the Zoo right at opening time.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Almost There
The week flew by just like I knew it would. Work has taken on an almost comedic value. The cool thing this time around, is that this project is just so huge, that when the shits hits the fan, there won't be any one person or reason. Just the obvious facts that management tried to cram too much work into too short a time.
Tomorrow night is the kick off session for the new 4th Edition D&D campaign. I've got high hopes even though I'm slightly under prepared. From past experiences, I doubt this will be much of an issue because odds are they won't even get through half of what I have planned. I've also started rethinking some aspects of how I've run games in the past, and the parts that always seemed "flawed". One main aspect that has always bothered me in my adventures? "Quest Givers"
In typical adventure video game, a "Quest Giver" is the guy you talk to in order to start the adventure. He'll have some lengthy dialog, lament on how he can't take care of the problem himself, and ask you to go rescue the princess, save the town, find the missing children, etc, etc. It's all very straight forward and actually quite lame. In a realistic fantasy world, Heroes don't get handed quests. Heroes aren't created by checking the "Adventure Want Ads". So how do heroes come about? The best place to look is your favorite fantasy novel.
Heroes are made by being put in circumstances way beyond their control. That's my approach to this new campaign. No fancy person asking for help (Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope). No town leader looking for adventurers to help with a local monster problem. This time... the adventure itself will make the heroes. And the players will be put in situations where they have to be heroic just to survive.
To quote William Shakespeare:
Tomorrow night is the kick off session for the new 4th Edition D&D campaign. I've got high hopes even though I'm slightly under prepared. From past experiences, I doubt this will be much of an issue because odds are they won't even get through half of what I have planned. I've also started rethinking some aspects of how I've run games in the past, and the parts that always seemed "flawed". One main aspect that has always bothered me in my adventures? "Quest Givers"
In typical adventure video game, a "Quest Giver" is the guy you talk to in order to start the adventure. He'll have some lengthy dialog, lament on how he can't take care of the problem himself, and ask you to go rescue the princess, save the town, find the missing children, etc, etc. It's all very straight forward and actually quite lame. In a realistic fantasy world, Heroes don't get handed quests. Heroes aren't created by checking the "Adventure Want Ads". So how do heroes come about? The best place to look is your favorite fantasy novel.
Heroes are made by being put in circumstances way beyond their control. That's my approach to this new campaign. No fancy person asking for help (Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope). No town leader looking for adventurers to help with a local monster problem. This time... the adventure itself will make the heroes. And the players will be put in situations where they have to be heroic just to survive.
To quote William Shakespeare:
"Be not afraid of greatness; some are born great, some achieve greatness, and others have greatness thrust upon them."
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