Your Plan Sucks

Apathy. That word I love to hate. Or do I hate to love? It's come up before on my blog, and I couldn't help but spend some time reading this post from two years ago. Are things different now? Has my outlook changed at all? In a lot of ways, it hasn't. There are a lot of truths to be found.

I also found it interesting to be reminded what it was like to post my honest thoughts. No sugar coating, no censoring. Just raw brain dump, take it or leave it. I should go back to that, because it's what I always wanted my blog to be. Why not share the realities of me? If people disagree with me or think I'm full of ..it, then why would they want to waste time knowing me anyway?

So... back to apathy. Is apathy itself, inherently good or bad? That is what I've been thinking about lately. I think that by today's definition, apathy gets a bad rap. It's defined more as a negative emotion, bordering on depression and a general lack of concern for ones well being.

I have none of that, yet I consider myself very apathetic. Oddly enough, one of the more common definitions of apathy is "absence of emotion". So how can apathy be both an emotion and the absence of emotion? I think the apathy I feel, is the general lack of concern for things that... don't concern me. Or even more broadly, a lack of concern for the things that... are the way they are.

What it seems to come down to is this: Everything in my life I feel like I can control, I've taken control of. I've poured every ounce of energy I can into bringing about the most positive changes I could come up with in all aspects of my life that I seemed to have control over. So what does that leave me with? All the shit that just is what it is, and will always be. And THAT'S what I'm apathetic about.

Am I making all the right choices? Am I living life the best way possible? Who knows... it's not like there is any one answer to those questions, and the fact is, no one ever talks about those questions anyway. So I'll I have is my own thoughts, my own questions, and my own answers.