Dark Moods

With October right around the corner, my self diagnosed minor case of Seasonal Affective Disorder seems to be kicking in. Funny thing is, it hit me in April too, I just had too much stuff going on to realize it at the time. I like to think that it has a lot to do with being trapped inside for a few months with no running, but who knows. Maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep.

I was watching Megan and our neighbors kids jumping on the trampoline tonight, and my neighbor comes over and asks, "Is everything okay?". I assumed he was referring to the kids, and of course, everything was fine. But perhaps he just happened to notice me in one of my brooding states (and if he reads this, maybe he'll let me know which it was ☺).

We also had another conversation, which for various reasons, included him asking me what I thought the purpose of life was. At first I was taken a little off guard. It's not too often someone goes there. In fact, I honestly can't recall the last time someone just straight up asked me that. I tried to articulate an answer, but that's tough to do in 60 seconds, and his youngest was crying for Daddy to come inside. Fast food philosophy, deep thoughts in a minute or less or you're next question is free! Oh the challenges of parenting.

It did get me thinking though, about how much I missed discussing/thinking about deeper things, and how nice it would be to just have long talks about those things in life that you don't talk about much. Am I alone in my peers, not having a defined purpose? Am I weird for thinking the "search for purpose" is something that should never stop until the day you die? Do all 30 somethings around me have it all figured out, with a clearly defined since of purpose, that somehow I passed up because of my life choices and life views?

I was also reminded that at one point, I had high hopes that my blog would be an outlet for deep thought. I've attempted to from time to time, but it always either comes out wrong, negative, or as rants. There has got to be a middle ground where I can still "vent" about things that piss me off, but also share other things I think about from time to time. Maybe I'll work on that for October...