Good with Bad

Megan is currently sleeping on the couch next to me, recovering from a rough night and an even rougher visit with the doctor this morning. Somehow, she developed a bad ear infection over night, just like that! No cold symptoms, no coughing, or other signs. Just straight up, BAM ear infection. She fell asleep early last night, around 6:30 and we thought it was just because of a skipped nap. Little did we know...

That's the bad. The good news is that prior to the onset of this ear infection, yesterday Megan and I went on a crazy adventure to the Renaissance Festival! It was a last minute split decision, and I figured if it didn't go well, who cared. End result? Megan had a great time, and it went about as good as I could hope for. (i.e. she didn't break any $100 hand made glass statues).

As we first entered the "castle", we were greated by a fairy. She gave Megan a magical stone which I promptly put away for later.



From there we walked around for a bit, visited a petting zoo, and then Megan got to not only see a live elephant for the first time, but ride it as well! View from an elephant:



And:



Then we stopped for lunch, Megan LOVED the corn dog. We also had a rice crispy dessert and a blue slushy on the way out.



Then we did some more shopping. Megan got a pet dragon (not shown) which she named "Shrek". And this pretty crown:



Finally we visited the "Children's Realm" which was... not all that, but Megan did get to make her own magic wand.





We walked around for just a little bit more, and even though Megan was in a good mood (mostly riding on my shoulders), I could tell she was about ready to go.



So we grabbed the aformentioned blue slushy and headed out to the car. The morning fun must have been enough for my sleeping beauty. (or the ear infection was kicking in, one or the other).

Get over it, go out with someone else

I'm starting to understand the problem with my blog. It presents a single side of me. The side that doesn't get much play in the "real world". It's interpreted as negativity, but in reality, they are just my thoughts on life. I'm a brooder. I'm a questioner. It's just who I am, and in a lot of ways, it's something I enjoy. Telling me to "get over it" is akin to asking me to "stop asking questions with no answers." What fun is there in that?

Keara is of course right. Most people define thier standard of living (Y) as just whatever they make (Z) minus how much it costs to live (X). For some people, that result is often negative, whether by choice or by circumstance. The CEO making $250,000 a year but living way out of his means and up to his eye balls in debt or the single Mom working two jobs just to support her family. Point being, I realize the reality of my situation. My brother once said to me, "You have everything I want!" It was one of the hardest things to hear, wishing nothing but the same for him.

But my arguement isn't flawed. It was attempting to describe an ideal. That's why I said, "Ideally, X+Y=Z". But we all know in reality, that isn't the case. So the question is, how can each person work towards the ideal? Or in my case, feeling like I am already close to the ideal, how can I squeeze even more out of the marrow of life? I'd say that there is nothing wrong with constantly challenging yourself no matter what your situation might be. And ya, of course I realize how nice my situation is, that it even affords me the time to ponder shit that doesn't matter.

Maybe I could state my argument a different way, based on a different set of assumptions, that would make it seem much less flawed.

First assumption: We all have a finite amount of time in life (X).
Second assumption: Most people end up having to spend some amount of time doing things they'd rather not be doing (Y).
Finally, all the time left over (Z), is how we can spend time enjoying life.

In this equation, Z=X-Y. I'd ask myself the following question: How can I maximize Z? And I think that is a perfectly valid question, and although it might not have an answer, thinking about it might lead to changes that can be made in life to increase Z. Just take a look at me, how did I increase my Z? By becoming as absolutely healthy as I could. By running, exersizing, eating right, I have effectively maximized my X. Or as I like to think of it, I'm gonna live forever!

So why not continue thinking about other ways I might maximize Z by lowering Y?

The American Dream, or X + Y = Z

Okay so I opened this can o' worms, so I might as well keep it rolling. In part, because I honestly don't know how people interpret my posts and it's nice to get a glimpse of that, but also because sometimes it feels like I have all these thoughts about things no one ever wants to talk about. In our society, we are taught not to talk about how much we make (or don't make), or how much we save (or don't save), or how we make financial decisions for the future. Those conversations are only allowed with a financial advisor... who you are paying...

Back on topic. I don't think Steve is confused, and in fact he calls out two very important facts. First, for most people, Time = Money. And second, everyone has a definition of their standard of living. That right there is a worthwhile question. What is my definition of standard of living? (a question I'm currently pondering, aka, I don't have a full answer).

But for the sake of the following argument, let's make some assumptions. First, let's assume there is a minimum amount of money a family might need to survive day to day, X. Next, assume that most people define their standard of living as some value above X, namely Y (In other words, defining standard of living purely as a dollar amount greater than surviving pay check to pay check). Finally, there is the actual money earned by a family, Z.

Ideally, X + Y = Z. And in my life, right now I feel like that is the case. As Steve says, if I lower Z in order to "buy time", something else has to give. X or Y has to go down to compensate, which I seem unwilling to do. So what makes up X and Y? The easiest way to define them is to say that X makes up the basic necessities (shelter, food, clothing, transportation) and Y makes up "everything else".

Is it possible to lower both X and Y? Sure... X can be lowered in small amounts by smarter shopping, barging hunting, garage sailing, or good will. Or in large amounts by choice of shelter, both location and size. Am I willing to move to an unsafe neighborhood, in a run down house/apartment just to lower X? No, not really... But can I really afford to live in an affluent neighborhood like Apple Valley? Maybe not... As a side note, since I don't make car payments, my transportation portion of X is already minimized.

What about Z? Are there options for keeping Z constant? Sure... Two options that I can think of. First, I could make more money, and than work less keeping Z constant. Or Andrea could work as well, to compensate for the amount Z would go down by my working less. The reality is that Andrea would not be able to enter the work force making what I make now, thus would have to work somewhere around 2 to 3 times the hours that I give up to keep Z constant. (not to mention cost of day care, which would increase X) So I gain 10 hours and Andrea loses 20-30... that doesn't seem like a good trade off either.

Finally we come to Y. The hardest to define, because it encompasses everything from retirement saving, college funds (or any education expense), vacation planning, and yes, to even buying shit you don't need (shameless Fight Club quote). In most cases, when the value of Z goes down, Y is typically the first to go down with it. Now we have the crux of the problem. If I were in theory, able to lower Z by 25%, by lowering my hours to 30 (25% of 40), what would that cost me in terms of Y?

And now we've come full circle to the very first post that I made. Solving the problem of "what would that cost me in terms of Y"... is in fact, SOLVING THE WRONG PROBLEM! (aka, Dilbert) The REAL problem worth solving, is how do I keep Z constant but lower the amount of time required? (Or an even better, how do I increase Z while at the same time, decreasing to the amount of time required?) And to the source of my angst...

The fact that I don't think I'll ever have a million dollar idea, or find some way to work outside the system, or make the system work for me, or that my fear of the unknown keeps me working as hard as I can, because who knows when Z suddenly becomes 0?

Lastly, to one last point that Steve mentioned. Moving closer to work (or working closer to home) is in fact, a way to keep Z constant but lower the amount of time required, thus partially solving the better problem. And the truth is, it's something we've totally talked about and I believe will happen in time. (1-5 years maybe?) But obviously the timing right now is horrible, given the current state of the housing market.

(addition) Okay so since this might be the longest post I've ever made, I might as well extend it. I also wanted to point out something that is painfully obvious to Andrea when reading these posts, and that is the fact that my desire for more time is also somewhat motivated by selfish desires, as eluded to in my previous comment about "wanting it all". I want enough time to where I don't constantly feel like I have to choose who gets my freetime between myself, Andrea, and Megan. But that's a whole different equation. :-)

Sunday Sunday Sunday!

You pay for the whole seat, but you only need the EDGE! Of course by the time Sunday rolls around, the weekend effect has kicked in. The nice weather of course is helping, but damnit why does it have to be Monday tomorrow?

Did a long run on Saturday, 16 miles. Second time ever that I've run that distance. The cool thing was that I did it with my new heart rate monitor. I haven't actually had a working heart rate monitor since... I don't even remember. At least a year. It's pretty amazing how things have changed, check it out:



The red line is my average heart rate. I couldn't quite believe the results, but basically I did the entire run in the 140-150 range. That's much improved over the last time I was keeping an eye on my heart rate, when I was running in the 165+ range consistently. Basically, my heart is healthier then ever before, so that's some good news.

Anyway, I specifically wanted to answer Keara's question/comment on my previous post. She's always been a loyal reader so it's the least I could do. What is preventing me from changing jobs? The fact that I like what I do and that I'm good at it. There is no point to changing jobs... The grass is not greener somewhere else and there is no other job that would allow me to support and provide for my family in the way I do now. I don't want less (or the same!) hours for less money, and I don't want more hours for more money.

Basically, I'm not conveying the true source of my angst good enough. It's not my job that pisses me off, it's the fact that there is a system we all have to exist in which forces us to do things we might not otherwise enjoy in order to live/survive/get by. And that for most of us normal folk, that means "working" until we are able to retire.

There is no job I could get, no amount of pay I could receive, that would be more rewarding to me than spending more time with my family. I don't want a different job, I don't want more pay. I want more time. I want enough time to be able to spend lots of time with my daughter, and maybe even have a little left over for myself. Basically I want it all. I want to be able to be a great Dad but also enjoy the things I like.

What pisses me off, is knowing that 40-50 hours a week of my life until I retire, will be spent AWAY from my family, AWAY from the things I enjoy, because I'm not smart enough, creative enough, or lucky enough to be able to provide the basic needs of life (food, shelter, clothing, education) for my family in any way that would take less time per week.

I don't want to be happier at my job. I want to be happier at home, which implies actually being at home. You're not sounding naive at all. I'm just not explaining how much it bothers me that I only get to see Megan 3 hours a day. THAT is what pisses me off.

Existential Angst

Or... big words Shawn likes to use for no apparent reason. So the ladies of the house have all been asleep for the last hour, and I've just been killing time reading various blogs and articles on different philosophical concepts. I've come to two conclusions.

1) I'm an idiot.
2) People waste a lot of time blabbing on about the most idiotic things. (see conclusion #1)

Follow my logic on that one? Good. I'm basically mad at the world today, for no particular reason. Okay, maybe a few particular reasons here and there, but overall it all just adds up to a gigantic waste of emotion. Anger, the emotion I love to hate. That sounds like a great book title.

One thing I found very amusing, is reading a long, well thought out commentary on life, happiness, meaning and all the rest, where someone tries to use logic to counter depression. Only to have some one come along and say, "Brain chemistry can cause people to be depressed, and has nothing do to do with (insert any philosophical discussion on happiness here)"

Or as I like to call it, "Your argument is as pointless as (insert any philosophical discussion on the meaning of life)".

For a long time now, I've been pissed off at the things in life I can't control. Or more to the point, I've been silently pissed off about them. Why? Because, what's the point of getting mad about things you can't control? Leave it to Dilbert to get me thinking...


Somehow... in some strange way, the above Dilbert comic combined with reading bits and pieces of inane psychobabble from some stupid rich dude that wrote a book called "The 4-Hour Workweek", led me to one last conclusion:

Is the thing that is REALLY pissing me off the most, is that I'm just not smart enough to come up with an alternative to sitting in a cubical until I'm 62?

Pwned.

Wet Weekend

I never delivered on my aforementioned Cookie Adventure story. Let me sum up: Ran 15.5 miles with promise of "big cookie" at the end. Cookie at the end sucked. Proceeded to 3 stores to find the perfect "big cookie". (Found out Mrs. Fields no longer exists in the Mall). Whewww.

So this weekend proceeded to rain on pretty much everyone I'm sure, but we tried not to let it distract too much. Saturday morning I was able to get out at 7am before it was raining and do a nice run. After that we had planned on going to the Target Children's Book Festival at Three Rivers Park. We did this last year as well... This year, it had slightly more meaning to us, but the outcome was much the same. (except no rain last year) Megan was unfocused, just wanted to run around, and in the end the rain forced us into an early retreat. But we made the most of it.









Last night was a great D&D session, but it looks like we might not have another one like that for quite awhile. I had high hopes that the fall and winter would be the time when people would have less going on and would be able to get more time for gaming in, but it just doesn't seem that way. Work, football, vacations, you name it. Maybe I need to start looking for another back up hobby... Hey, what's that World of Warcraft icon doing on my desktop?

But seriously, I do start to miss my TV for the simple fact that I wouldn't mind buying a new gaming system. (XBOX 360 would probably be the console of choice). Just to have something to do those odd hours I have to spare on the week nights. Some nice solid single player gaming action. I think for the first time since we got rid of the TV (March 1st) I'm actually missing it from a movie/video game stand point. Only 6 months? Sad! Going to need a few more years without it most likely... But don't tell my Mom I said that.

Uhhh GPS... cool

Just did my first run with my fancy new GPS running watch. I don't know why I didn't get one before. 1800+ miles on my old watch, that gave me inconsistant results and only a small amount of information (distance)... to this:


Needless to say... that's only the tip of the iceberg in terms of information provided by the new watch. I'm totally hooked, wish I had got it in time for the 25k this past weekend.

I'll post more about that and maybe my insane Cookie Adventure later. I don't have a lot of time tonight so I'll just end with some new pictures.

Megan ready for her first day of school last week. Sounds like today went okay as well, however she didn't nap today after school so she was kind of grumpy tonight. (understatement?)



Just a cute picture of Megan with pigtails.

All right, all right...

Yes, I realize it's Saturday and I haven't posted in over a week. Sue me! No big reasons I haven't found the time to post, mainly just a lazy thing.

Labor day weekend... What did I do again? That's a lifetime ago. Let's see, Friday was the bachelor party, which went exactly as I expected. Fun and I got to talk D&D with my buddy most of the night. I also went ultra cheap and ended the night only spending $7 bucks for parking. Go me!

The rest of labor day weekend was spent running, biking, sitting around doing nothing, or hanging out in various places with Megan. Pretty typical stuff!

The big news for this week is that Megan started preschool. Tuesday night we had an open house where we met her teacher. For some unknown reason, she got a different teacher at the last minute, than the one we originally met. The open house was fine, if a bit unorganized. There were two classes worth of kids congregating in one room.

Thursday morning was the big day. I stayed home from work that morning to help see Megan off. The bus comes to the house around 8:20am to pick up Megan. She got on the bus with no problems. In fact, we woke her in the morning saying "The school bus is coming today!" and all she would say all morning was "school bus!" When the bus arrived, she got right on and gave both Andrea and I a kiss goodbye. She'll go to school now Tuesday/Thursdays from 8:30 to 11:30.

Not much else going on this weekend, except for a 25k run I am doing tomorrow. Although the weather today is just awesome, perfect running weather... I'm sitting here "resting" for the race. And what will I get instead? Probably cold and rain in the morning. Juuuust great.