I'm starting to understand the problem with my blog. It presents a single side of me. The side that doesn't get much play in the "real world". It's interpreted as negativity, but in reality, they are just my thoughts on life. I'm a brooder. I'm a questioner. It's just who I am, and in a lot of ways, it's something I enjoy. Telling me to "get over it" is akin to asking me to "stop asking questions with no answers." What fun is there in that?
Keara is of course right. Most people define thier standard of living (Y) as just whatever they make (Z) minus how much it costs to live (X). For some people, that result is often negative, whether by choice or by circumstance. The CEO making $250,000 a year but living way out of his means and up to his eye balls in debt or the single Mom working two jobs just to support her family. Point being, I realize the reality of my situation. My brother once said to me, "You have everything I want!" It was one of the hardest things to hear, wishing nothing but the same for him.
But my arguement isn't flawed. It was attempting to describe an ideal. That's why I said, "Ideally, X+Y=Z". But we all know in reality, that isn't the case. So the question is, how can each person work towards the ideal? Or in my case, feeling like I am already close to the ideal, how can I squeeze even more out of the marrow of life? I'd say that there is nothing wrong with constantly challenging yourself no matter what your situation might be. And ya, of course I realize how nice my situation is, that it even affords me the time to ponder shit that doesn't matter.
Maybe I could state my argument a different way, based on a different set of assumptions, that would make it seem much less flawed.
First assumption: We all have a finite amount of time in life (X).
Second assumption: Most people end up having to spend some amount of time doing things they'd rather not be doing (Y).
Finally, all the time left over (Z), is how we can spend time enjoying life.
In this equation, Z=X-Y. I'd ask myself the following question: How can I maximize Z? And I think that is a perfectly valid question, and although it might not have an answer, thinking about it might lead to changes that can be made in life to increase Z. Just take a look at me, how did I increase my Z? By becoming as absolutely healthy as I could. By running, exersizing, eating right, I have effectively maximized my X. Or as I like to think of it, I'm gonna live forever!
So why not continue thinking about other ways I might maximize Z by lowering Y?
2 comments:
Sometimes I get the feeling that one of these days I'm going to hear about how you quit your job, bought a red sportscar and are driving around town covered in twinkie wrappers.
It is really too bad that you can't find any source of satisfaction or enjoyment in your job; Even a little bit. I realize that it is not, nor should it be, as important as your family, but it seems like it would make things at least a little more tolerable.
Originally, say a year ago, I think your posts came off more as bemused frustration with the realities of adult life and working for a living while trying to have a young family. Lately, they've struck me (at least) as less about "asking questions about how to maximize z" and more about railing against things without seriously considering changing things to improve the situation.
I assume that this all has to do with your natural tendency for extremes. But I'm not convinced that life is something that needs to be maximized. Maybe balance would be enough.
Sadly, it's time to let this train of thought derail, fall of the tracks, or otherwise crash and burn.
I did want to say thanks one more time to Keara and Steve for the thoughtful comments, and anyone else that has stuck through the last few days and not written me off as a total crack pot. I promise some more light hearted posts in the coming days, provided I can find the time!
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