10 years and 2 days

Andrea and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last Friday. After coming home from a horrible grocery shopping trip today, and now listening to Casey wail up a storm... you have to remind yourself, it's all worth it right?

Of course it is, but things aren't always peaches and cream. No day is without it's challenges. Andrea and I are under a lot of stress, perhaps more than we've ever dealt with and there are only minor signs of improvement as we survive the first 3 months with Casey. I say survive in the most literal of terms. If you asked me right now if I was up, down, happy, depressed, or anything in between, I'd respond with a blank stare. Those questions have no meaning when you are in survival mode. Interesting (or ironic?) how that works, isn't it?

Friday we dropped the girls off at Grandma Gayle's, who with some assistance, was nice enough to watch them for the majority of the day. Andrea and I enjoyed lunch at Houlihan's, and then a movie, District 9, which we both enjoyed a lot. After that, we hung out at Grandma's house to veg out for the rest of the evening and a Chinese food dinner. I've been trying to recover from all that overeating the rest of the weekend (approx. 25 miles running in 2 days).

As I previously mentioned, Saturday was the baby shower over at our place. Everything went great, and Andrea is happy it was so successful. The funny thing that happened was at the end. As guests were leaving, someone found a baby kitten hiding in our drive way. I didn't want the first thing to do with it, and my cousin walked it around the houses near us but couldn't find an owner. It had a collar with a bell on it, so it definitely belonged to someone.

Long story short, Megan found the cat again after we went outside. It looked so helpless, I decided to take it in with the hopes of finding the owners. If I couldn't, the cat was going to the humane society by 11am today. Plus, it gave Megan and I something to do yesterday afternoon, as we walked house to house asking if anyone had lost a cat (I brought a picture of the cat along). Turned out to belong to a nearby neighbor, they just weren't home yesterday. They stopped by this morning and took the cat home. Whewww, one less problem to deal with.



In other news, I was given a green light to buy a new computer, in part, as something to help me deal with my stress. The computer won't even arrive here for another week, and I've already bought a new game, with another one in my sights. More on that as it unfolds...

Minor Mistakes

Survived the short week. It wasn't so bad, although I did end up working from home a few hours each night, for a total of something like 38 hours in 4 days. I still stick by what I said before. I've decided I'm going to put my ideas out there, and make an honest effort to push something, anything, that might be considered an innovating idea. It's one of those situations where, what's the worse that could happen? Everyone laughs and says no, go back to your cube and fall in line like the good drone you are. And then I'll still have the last laugh, when it all comes to an end and I get to yell, "Told you so!". Oops!

In other news, I had been mentally prepping all week for a 25k (15.5 mile) race this Saturday, only to come to the realization that... It isn't this Saturday. It's 3 weekends from now, and isn't even ON a Saturday. Boy do I feel stupid. The funny part is that Saturday is my sister-in-laws baby shower, and I was sort of in the dog house all this month due to having scheduled a race on the same day. Everyone is happy now to find out I was wrong, but now I'm out a free excuse to get a long run in. Oops!

Tonight I picked up Megan from daycare, and mentioned to the teacher how I thought today was her last day. I thought our plan was to do it only for August. I even said as much, in a previous post, where I said "We will probably only do it for this month...". Turns out we are going through the month of Sept. So Megan was giving hugs out to her teacher and classmates like she'd never see them again. Yeah, I'll feel sorta silly when I pick her up next Tuesday. Oops!

Still, nothing made my day like what happened tonight. Megan, Andrea and I were reading/talking about the prayer that they say at school before meals and snacks. It's a simple 4 line prayer that Megan has mostly memorized, and it ends with "Thank you, God, for everything!". Interesting I thought, but no big deal. Then Andrea asks , "Megan, do you know God is?"

Megan: "I'm God!"

Priceless, I just about spit the pudding I was eating all over the place I laughed so hard. Funniest thing that happened all week!

Is it over yet?

Horribly long week. Right now, all the girls in the house, even Andrea are all taking an afternoon nap. I just got finished with a 5 mile bike ride / 5 mile run combo. Have a few minutes to myself, so figured it was about that time.

Why was this week so long you ask? Work mostly. This may sound arrogant, but I'm no dummy. I don't go through my day blissfully unaware of my surroundings. I pride myself on my attention to detail. This means that when push comes to shove, I know what needs to be done and I know what has to change in order for things to work. And I do that, ignoring consequences, ignoring what others might think, I get things done.

There is a flip side to being so in tune with what is going on around you. It means I'm also typically aware of impending shit storms. It seems so painfully obvious to me why things are going south at work, and also what it would really take to fix them. Sadly, it's also clear that nothing is ever going to change. The machine must roll on. Innovation is a dirty word. The idea of rewriting 10 year old software from the ground up in order to stay competitive, just isn't viewed as a sound investment. I'm gonna go ahead and say "bad idea" and in a few years, I'll look back and say "Told you so." The hard part will be convincing myself to stick with my long term plan, when I know things are just going to get worse before they get better.

On a totally different subject, my brother of all people, finally motivated me to do something I've been thinking I should do for quite some time. Ever since I removed the TV from my house, I've been wondering what the hell I'm going to do with my massive 230+ DVD collection. Well, I've decided. I'm selling the whole lot, minus a select few. Interested in buying a few movies? Here's the full list:

200+ DVD movies, most $2-$4

The funny part about putting this list of movies together, was the discovery that I actually had two completely unopened movies. I never even realized that. A friend of mine at work already has an order going, he said he was going to buy 20-30. I told him he could have first dibs, and the same would go for anyone else. (i.e. first come, first serve). And the special deal for family/friends is $1 dollar off every 2 movies you buy. Interested? Drop me an email or phone call.

Even my Dreams have Dreams

Last night I offered to do the overnight feedings. It was in part, my attempt to make up for a mix up earlier in the weekend where I got a little angry around 5am when I shouldn't have. And also to try and let Andrea get a good nights sleep, as she would have Megan home with her for the first time in two weeks.

The funny thing is, when my brain wakes up every 2 hours, I have the most insane dreams, because I am basically being woke up during REM periods. From what I remember, REM dreams are often much more intense, emotionally charged, and vivid then NREM (Non-REM).

In short, REM dreams come from a totally different part of the brain then NREM dreams: the limbic system. The limbic system is also referred to as the "center of emotions". As a result, REM dreams have certain characteristics that set them apart. In the past, I've had dreams of such emotional intensity that I will actually wake myself up crying.

Last night was no exception. The dreams I had were intensely emotional and to be honest, nothing that I could share with anyone except maybe a shrink. And since I'll never have one of those... Anyway, the crazy part was at one point in my dream, I "woke up" and thought, oh man, I have to write this stuff down, I could make a movie out of this (I used to keep a dream journal to assist in dream recall). So I'm going through the "dream" I just had in my head, trying to write down the strongest emotional details, which were quickly fading as dreams often do upon waking. Only then I realized, I was still dreaming. At that point things went from intense, to insane, as I slipped right back into the dream I was previously having, only now, I was fully lucid. (I know, try stay with me... but visit the Wiki links to understand the depths of my dreaming rabbit hole)

By morning, I had gone through such a roller coaster that I was in a weird place. The rational part of my brain tried to remind me that dreams are just super charged emotions played out in picture form. Your brain picks an emotion, juices it up, then picks a memory of something that you associate with that emotion. The two together combine in a way that cause people look for "meaning" in their dreams, where there is none to be found.

But on the other hand... for the first time in a long time, I started to wonder. How many emotions have I suppressed, repressed, or otherwise bottled up? Is it going to bite me in the end, or will be in control over the long haul? Strong emotions do strange things.

Did I mention that dreams fascinate me? Also, in case you didn't already know, Stephen Laberge is one of my hereos.

20 mile run that never was

This morning was interesting. Between Casey keeping me awake from midnight to 2am, and Megan coming up to our bedroom at 4:30am, when my alarm started going off at 5:20am, I actually stopped for a second to ask, "Why am I doing this again?"

Wait, let me go back. I haven't posted all this week because we had a semi emergency with Casey. On Wed night, she developed a really bad fever, 100.3 and above. Andi scheduled an appt. for the next afternoon, but ended up taking her to urgent care the next morning instead. Fever was up above 102, and it wasn't the standard ear infection. So they had to do a battery of tests to rule out all the serious things. They found nothing, so they gave her a standard shot of catch all antibiotics. She is doing better today, but her mood and night times are definitely not back to normal yet.

The second half of this week has been a bit rough, but we've survived. Meanwhile, I made plans to go out this morning and do new distance record: 20 miles. We got started by 6am and it was clear the humidity was going to be a factor, but overall, it was an enjoyable run. We did mostly 9:00s for the entire morning, which for me is a comfortable pace. The last 5 weeks, my long weekend runs in the 11-16 mile range have all been around 8:00-8:15 pace. The difference between 8s and 9s is significant. But even so, with the humidity this morning, 9s were plenty hard.

The funny part of the run, is that I paused my run at one water stop, only to forget to start it up again. The end result? My watch didn't even get to record my 20 mile run!! Check out this map:



Unless I suddenly sprouted wings or gained the ability to walk on water, I'm pretty sure I couldn't do that little straight line directly over the lake. That is where I paused and then restarted later. Oops... Oh well, just means I have to do it again sometime I guess!

Total distance: 20.43 miles (I think), total time: 3:07:44

Posting with a Purpose

One of the biggest roadblocks in posting on a more regular basis (aside from the time factor) is that often times I have nothing interesting to say, mention, or report on. What then, is the point? Let's be honest, I live a pretty routine life. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, I like routine.

If I wanted, I could blab on and on about work. The politics, the stupid games people play, and even my own dumb approaches to things. Even I find myself being quick to judge someone harshly or place blame incorrectly for why something might be broken, or why we so often find ourselves in situations where shit isn't done when it's supposed to be. Then I sit back and see, I'm just as much a part of the stupid game as everyone else. That realization itself frustrates the shit out of me. I want to be better. I want to make a difference. I want to have an idea that makes everyone go "oh shit, we need to pay that guy more." Is that wrong?

Yes, I'm somewhat coming full circle again. Not so much because I hate my job, or because I dislike what I do. No, not this time. I actually do enjoy, on some level, what I do. More importantly, there are a few fun people that I work with, and that's a huge plus. This time, it's more about the fact that I do wish I could have a million dollar idea (that isn't a lottery ticket) Hell, I'd settle for a $100k idea. Just to be able to say, hey, I had this idea, and it was worth something. The closest I've ever come, was my first job. Long story short, I came up with an idea that changed a part of the manufacturing process (via software I wrote), that resulted in less wasted product. At the time, I saw it as fixing a minor area where we were in essence, "throwing away good parts". Turns out, after one of the equipment engineers ran the numbers, I ended up creating a savings of around $30k every two weeks. I think my entire 5+ year career there was paid for in a few months with that idea. Too bad I couldn't just pocket that instead.

I don't know where I was going with this post, and so maybe it's best to just end on a random note. When I sat down to post tonight, I started with a totally different blog title and a totally different purpose. But now it's past 10pm, and I want to start running again in 7 hours, so I had better get some sleep. Maybe I'll post my thoughts on "moral flexibility" tomorrow...

You're Mom Dude!

Megan's latest catch phrase is quite amusing (blog title). Not quite sure why she put it together, but it makes me laugh. This weekend ended up being crazy full of everything. I'll sum up:

Friday night: Neighbors over for some of my apparently awesome homemade pizza.
Saturday: In-laws visit at noon, with Megan's two cousins. Andrea and I snuck away to see G.I. Joe (and it rocked).
Sunday: Drive down to Rochester to visit an old college roommate in town for a week, who also just had his first daughter 2 weeks before Casey was born. Drive all the way home to Grandma Gayle's house to celebrate her birthday with pizza and ice cream cake!

I even snuck in two runs, Friday night before company (on the mill) and Sunday morning. It was a tad humid this morning, but I got a solid 13.5 miles in. Next weekend might be the new distance record, more on that later. Just wanted to get some pics up from the weekend. And yes, my camera is dying slowly so some of these pictures suck hard.

The visitors on Saturday:


Just the family:


Casey checking out her uncle sporting a new beard:


Megan playing too:

Second thoughts

As I picked up Megan for the second time tonight, they handed me a slew of art projects she did today. This was one of them:



Ahhh, wait a second, what's that say?



Not quite sure what to think about that. Starting to wonder if we are getting our money's worth...

New Month

Had one of those, "Oh, it's August?" moments this weekend. Sorta snuck up on me. Casey is 10 weeks old today and so far, has got into a semi normal routine. She is usually sleeping by 8pm, with two over night feedings. One around 2-3am, and a second before dawn, at 5-6am. I think her daytime routine still varies a bit.

The weekend was fun, a mix of relaxing and busy. Saturday was just chilling for the most part, about all I did was an early morning bike ride with my neighbor. Sunday was go go go, as I did a 16 miler in the morning. A zoo visit with Megan after that. And then an afternoon date day with Andrea, as we saw the movie Funny People and did a real fast early dinner at Red Lobster.

This month also marks the start of something else new for us. We've signed Megan up for a week long school program. As Fancy Nancy would say, "full time school" is a fancy way of saying "daycare". Today was her first day, and she seemed to handle it just fine. We went with a brand new Primrose School location that just got built this summer. It's right on the way to-from work, and only a few miles from home. Having just been built, everything in it is brand spanking new, giving it even more of that "cool for the kids" factor. They even have computers in the preschool rooms. We will probably only do it for this month, for a few reasons. The main thing is that she will start up some other programs and ECFE classes again in the fall.

I uploaded 72 pictures from my camera today. The majority of that is because Megan now knows how to operate the camera. She will often run around with it when I don't realize it and just take random pictures all day. Or videos of me playing video games. Anyway, thought I'd get a few new ones up, as I haven't posted any pics in awhile.