Megan is a great kid. Most of the time, she is very well behaved. And by most of the time, I mean damn near 90% of the time or more. She struggles with the things most kids do her age: transitions (leaving something she is enjoying) and times when she is tired.
The hard part is that the "problem times" seem OVERLY difficult. When she has made up her mind to misbehave or not listen to us, she takes it to the N-th degree. At grocery stores it might be running away or throwing things out of the grocery cart. Or running away when leaving the YMCA. At home it's usually physical in nature (hitting/throwing). Being given a timeout just means more running away and hiding under tables. Telling her to stop doing something always just makes it worse. The word "Don't" might as well be "Do that some more." It's getting exhausting, for everyone. Andrea fears for her ability to take both girls out in public alone if she can't control Megan. I feel like I'm contributing to the problem because when faced with an out of control Megan, either in public or at home, I'll simply pick her up or physically remove her from the situation. That is not something Andrea can effectively do now as Megan is older and bigger.
The worst part about it all, is the constant wondering. Are we doing something wrong as parents? Is Megan just going through a "phase"? Should we be reacting differently to her outbursts? Does she need more discipline? Less discipline? Stricter timeouts? Should I not cave to her demands for a yogurt at 10pm because I know if she gets it, she will go to bed right after with a hug and a kiss good night? (and I can't even go into the alternative of if I were to say "No, it's bed time.") Is it possible maybe I just have a spoiled child? Am I too much of a people pleaser?
The constant self doubts are dragging on our family life to be certain. If there was any time in my life I needed serious advice, suggestions, or any thoughts from people who have been through the 4 year old stage, now would be that time. Post a comment, send me an email, or hell, god forbid, call me in person. I've even joined the 20th century, and have a cell phone now, I'll give you the number.
2 comments:
Grocery shopping can be a hassle with children along. Do you shop Cub or Rainbow? They give a free cookie to kids under 12. Usually when we do that and get the kids in a car cart, it's a lot easier. Or, have you had her walk with you through the store and help you?
When you're getting ready to leave somewhere, do you give her a time warning? ("Okay Megan, we have 10 more minutes to play, and then it's time to go.") If not, give that a whirl. You could even set the alarm on your cell phone and when she hears it go off she knows it's time. Anywho, just thought I'd throw some ideas out there for you. Remember, it gets easier...you just have to stand your ground. Good luck guys!
I'm reluctant to suggest anything since I don't really know Megan. I agree with what Jen said, giving time warnings. I do that with my kids and it is very helpful. But go beyond just saying, "we leave in 10 minutes" let her know when there are 5 minutes left and 2 minutes left. Another thing I do with my kids is tell them what I expect. "I expect you to be well behaved and that means no running around, no running away from me, no throwing things, no screaming," etc. whatever your issue is. I also tell my kids that when I tell them it is time to go I don't want any arguements, it is time to go and that is that. These things have helped me a lot with both my kids and Luke is now 4. If you want some parenting book recommendations let me know, I've read a lot and find some very helpful.
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