New Years Approaches

With the new year right around the corner, I find myself struggling with my fitness. Truth be told, this last month has been pretty hard. I knew all along that things would get harder the more weight I lost - I expected that, but that doesn't make it any easier when you see your weight creep back up simply because you eat a "little" extra. Okay, so maybe it wasn't a little. Christmas was pretty bad with all the treats, and since then it's been a constant struggle. Let's review...

Ate one half of a 480 calorie cookie. (yes, a SINGLE cookie at 480). Box of chocolate covered cherries - Garbage. Egg nog... damn you egg nog. Tastes so good! 3, 4 glasses? Box of left over assorted chocolates... okay so I ate like 9 of them probably (180 calories per 3!) Ugh. The rest made it to the garbage. Pez... don't even get me started about Pez! At least its only 35 calories per pez package. And of course, a big bowl of ice cream last night. Uuuugggghh.

Out of the last 4 weeks, my weight has actually gone up twice, to where I'm basically at the same point I was at the start of December. I know this might sound hard to believe, but this is the first time that has happened since I started losing weight 6 months ago. (I had 2 weeks of zero weight loss, but never any actual gain).

I'm pretty sure I know what I need to do to stop this silly up and down weight gain and get back on track. I need to get more workouts in (hell, I'd like to go every day but that's not realistic) and I need to keep my calorie intake lower. The times I've been most successful is keeping my calories per day down below 1500. But as anyone that has ever counted calories knows, that is not that easy. Especially when you get to the end of the day.

I know I should probably just relax. Weight isn't the only measure of health. In fact, I'm pretty damn sure my heart is the strongest it's ever been in my whole life right now. Cardio workouts that used to push my heart rate to 160-170 bpm now get up to a steady 150. Did I hit my weight goal for the end of the year? Yes. Am I consistently getting exercise? Yes. Am I eating right, controlling portion sizes and avoiding high calorie snacks? Somewhat... but there is room for improvement. Should I stop obsessing over a few pounds up and down here and there? Yes, as long I don't lose sight of the long term goal.

Probably the best thing I could do right now for my motivation would be to get my ass into the doctor and get some more blood tests so I can compare my current numbers to last year and see what sort of changes have occurred inside my body as well as outside. Besides, that's what is more important anyway.

Christmas through photos

Enjoy!


My brother Scott, Megan, Mom and Me.


The evil part of Christmas. I wasn't able to resist!


Grandma Ruby, Scott & Megan


Family chilling downstairs.


Family chilling upstairs.


My cousin Chloe and Andrea.


Papa and Megan.


Megan's cousin Brenden and Megan.


The Bieraugel Clan.


The McMorrow Clan.


Scott and Megan (again!).


Mom and John talking to Megan. She seems interested!


Couple cousins playing some gamecube (Mario Kart).


It's a long time christmas tradition to play some Ping Pong. Check out that awesome action shot.

Merry Christmas!

3 hours of Christmas left and I thought I'd get a quick post out. I'm beat, it's been a long two days. As I mentioned, last night we hosted Christmas Eve at our house. It was nice and WOW crazy, but in a good way. This morning we started out early at 10am, heading to Lafayette (small town north of New Ulm). Megan slept the whole way for that first trip, so that was great. From there we headed east over to Cannon Falls, once again Megan slept the entire way except for the last 6 miles. We really lucked out! Then back home by 8pm tonight. I'm exhausted and all I did was eat and drive it seems like.

I got my usual set of Best Buy gift cards and I'm thinking I might break down and buy an MP3 player. Yes, I know, your probably wondering why I don't own one yet. Truth is, I'm not a huge music person. I mean, I like music but mainly I just like to listen to it while I'm at work. Recently, I've kinda been thinking it would be fun/nice to have music to listen to while I work out. You can only handle so much Back Street Boys and Britney Spears over the gyms loud speakers.

Lastly, I lost my Fantasy Football game this weekend. It was a close game (within a few points) up until a very crucial game for both me and my opponent. That was the Seattle-Indianapolis game. I had Hasselbeck as QB and my opponent had Shaun Alexander as RB. Although Hasselbeck had a good game, Alexander had an even better game. In fact, one of Hasselbeck's TD throws was to Alexander (thus negating the TD). I made a good run and overall, I'm pretty happy to get second place in my first ever attempt at Fantasy Football.

Tomorrow I'll post a purely photo diary of the entire Christmas weekend. Check back for that!

Heading into Christmas

Had a quiet week this week, Monday I called in sick due to my cold. It was at the peak and I just didn't feel like going into work. It seems that Megan has still not got any cold. Pretty happy about that, she is sleeping good this week. One night she even slept as many as 8 hours over night. Then 3 quick days at work before heading into the 4 day Christmas weekend.

I've been doing pretty good with my fitness the last week, even though I ate way to much food at my company dinner on Thursday, I've managed to drop a few more pounds. I can smell my first goal just barely around the corner. The goal of going from "Obese" to "Overweight" on the BMI scale. So close! I bet it will happen sometime towards the end of January or early Feb.

A new development in my fitness is that my brother has decided to join Lifetime, and we've already gone together once. I like to think that a small part of his motivation is my change in health, and he told me that it was (in not so many words). To think that my lifestyle changes could reverberate out and have an effect on more then just myself, well that's pretty cool.

Tomorrow Andrea and I are hosting Christmas eve at our house. It will be the first time a lot of my relatives have been to our house, so that will be really cool. I think our house is big enough for the amount of guests we are having. I'll take some pictures and post them up later this weekend.

And last, this weekend I head into the Championship game of our Fantasy Football league. Is there a chance I could actually win the whole thing? Maybe... stranger things have happened. The end of the football season gets all messed up as teams don't play starters or switch things around because the last few games don't matter. (for some teams). I'll post an update on Sunday on how it looks!

Self Control

I really should be posting about how I won fantasy football this weekend, and will now be in the championship game this week. Perhaps I will post about that later in the week. Instead, I want to post about something else. Maybe I'll call this my year in review post. Andrea commented about how my posts are always "me, me, me" and "I, I, I". Well too bad, this is my blog! You don't have to read it!

When I look at my life in terms of changes that I have gone through or experienced, this year has probably contained the highest number/most significant ones ever. The big one of course, becoming a father. Aside from that, lets look at some of the other things that happened this year:

This year, I have:

• Had no alcohol for the whole year
• Given up my main past time of the last 5 years (Everquest)
• Stopped eating fast food (cept for Subway 6 inch turkeys!)
• Started exercising in a very serious way
• Completely changed my eating habits, including tons of calorie counting
• Managed to lose enough weight that people actually notice!

Every one of these things has taken a lot of effort, determination and most of all, self control. So why can't I shake this sinking feeling that at any moment, all this self control I have built up over the last year could come crumbling down?

There have been many times this year where a Friday night rolls around and I get a hankering for a screwdriver. Or the many times the opportunity for "all you can eat" has come up. Not to mention free alcohol at various functions. Even tomorrow night will be open bar night at my company's Christmas dinner. Sure, I'll have no problem not drinking because I'm still in my year of no booze. But what about when that ends?

I think that is what scares me. My inability to enjoy things in moderation. I'd like to think that all the changes and things I've accomplished this year will give me sufficient motivation to not fall back into my old habits. I honestly won't know until the time comes. I'm going to try and enjoy all the things I like in the coming year in moderation, whatever it might be. Video games, alcohol, food, what have you. But if I find that "moderation in all things" once again doesn't work for me, I'll have to stick to my all or nothing attitude and just cut those things out for good.

Fantasy Football, Playoff style

The playoffs have begun! With some last minute changes to my team, I honestly wasn't expecting to win any games during the play-offs. I just don't have enough of those "key" players that have consistent solid performance. Most of my wins have come off of flukes like, a Defense player getting an fumble recover for a TD or one particular receiver getting 3 TDs.

Going into Sunday, the same thing is happening, but I honestly feel like I might have a chance to pull out a win. The reason? Tiki Barber. He must have had the game of his life last night. 220 yards, 2 TDs. The guy was worth 40 points!! But then I have E. Kennison for a WR - he was worth 0 points due to a lost fumble. Still, with a 40 point head start from one player, I definitely have a shot.

Position	Player
QB	M. Hasselbeck
WR	D. Driver
WR	E. Kennison
WR	B. Engram
RB	D. Foster
RB	T. Barber
TE	L. Smith
WR/RB	Ke. Johnson
K	S. Graham
DEF	Carolina
D	D. Sharper
D	Do. Edwards

And as a side note, Megan's first visit with Santa:

Oh crap, COLDS!

Tonight I had a horrible work out experience. And at the same time, the best. I was doing treadmill, which I only do about once every 4th or 5th work out. After my 5 minute warm up, I went to start my running pace and instead hit the wrong buttons and cleared out my display. Okay, no big deal, I'll just start running and go for 5 minutes less. So I start running and got into the "zone". That place where you feel great and you think your body can go forever. Well apparently I was a little too deep into the zone, because I wasn't paying attention to where my body was. All of a sudden, my hand swings up and slams the emergency stop button. Before I realized what happened, I looked down and all my stats had disappeared! I had no clue how far/long I had run. Bleh. SUCK!

So I did the only thing I could, I ran. And I just kept running. I ran until my body didn't think it could run anymore. And then I reminded it who's boss, and kept running. When I finally had to stop, I jacked the speed up and sprinted out the last 2 minutes. It was GREAT! Sure, I might have hurt myself but damnit, it felt too good to stop.

Back to the topic of todays post, Andrea has a cold. I might also have caught it, I'm not 100% sure yet. You know what that means! There is a chance Megan might get it. UUUUGGGGHHH. With how healthy she has been the last 2 months, I'm really not looking forward to her first cold. Obviously we can't protect her from germs forever, but I really wanted to delay as long as possible. Speaking of protecting her from germs, today was her 2 month check up and she got 3 vaccination shots. They weren't as bad as we thought they might be. Megan cried, but only a little. She didn't seem to notice too much.

Aside from my fitness achievements, I've also made a few other achievements this week. First off, it looks like I'm going to be in my Fantasy Football playoffs. How? I have no clue. I had Culpepper for half the season! Trust me, it's not like I had a strong place. I barely pulled out a 4th place spot. My record is tied with 3 other people, and I only just barely have a few more points then my brother for the 4th place spot. I feel kind of bad beating my brother out for the playoffs when he is the one that invited me to the league in the first place.

In addition, and probably the most impressive achievement this week... I finished Ninja Gaiden Black on MASTER NINJA MODE. Fear my ninja skillz. For they are great. Too bad most people will never understand just how hard Master Ninja is, but I will always know. Here is a quote that I originally read about it: (Team Ninja refers to the creators of the Game)

... the game also allows you to try the "Master Ninja" difficulty setting, which will be nearly impossible for most players. According to Tecmo, only one member of Team Ninja has been able to beat the game at this difficulty level, and they figure that there will only be about 1,000 people worldwide who can pull it off.

Could I be the only person in Minnesota to rule the Master Ninja? Quite possibly!

Happy Baby

It occurred to me I haven't updated on our attempts to put Megan in the crib over night, so I thought I would report on that. Basically, it has gone very well. Andrea started her on a "routine" that we do every night. It involves a changing, a feeding and a swaddling. I was resistant of the swaddling at first, but after seeing how well Megan seems to sleep when swaddled, I've changed my mind. Sometimes we play a little baby music in the background to help put her to sleep, she seems to like that. Twice this week, Megan has slept for up to 5 hours a night. (rare, but it does happen) According to Andrea, that was long enough to declare her first "sleep through the night".

I keep thinking I will come home some night and Megan will have somehow changed, gotten to some new "phase" of baby-ness. Like all of a sudden she will be grabbing objects more or she will know that her hands exist. I realized today it's not like that. It's all so gradual that you don't even notice it. I keep expecting her to "look different" as she grows up, but it's not like that. She looks like Megan, and will always look like Megan. Whether she is 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years, she will always look just like she is supposed to.

It sounds dumb, I know but when your only experience watching a baby grow up is through your friends children, you have this notion in your mind that as they grow up they change. Because that's what your perception of it is, when you see a child every 3-4 months, each time you see them they have changed. But it's totally different from the parents perspective. Whatever the case, I just can't get enough of her smiles, that's for damn sure.

Where is all my time?

I know, I know, I should really post more. Not just for everyone that wants to see pictures of Megan, but for myself too. One of the whole reasons I started a blog was to post all those crazy thoughts I have during a typical day. Right now I'm still getting used to the work schedule. With only 4 or 5 hours a night free when I get home, blogging is pretty far from my mind. I'm not about to start blogging at work, thats for sure.

Right now I'm just struggling trying to find balance. Balance of where and how I spend those few precious hours each week day night. I personally don't want to live for the weekends. I don't want Saturday/Sunday to be the only days I actually enjoy life. Thankfully Andi is encouraging my workout time during the week, even though I'm sure she'd love to have me home as early as possible every night.

I think I'm going to cut this post short and try to organize some thoughts for tomorrow. Maybe I'll post about how I'm going to be in my Fantasy Football playoffs or how I'm almost done with Ninja Gaiden on MASTER NINJA!

Triple X

In roman numerals, that's 30! Couple of my good friends turned 30 this past weekend. That means one thing - I must be turning 30 soon! I was always the youngest of my friends in school, that happens with a June birthday. When most of my friends were driving their junior year, I didn't get my license until my senior year. Same thing happened in college - when all my friends were going out to the bars their junior year, I couldn't join until my senior year!

I'm glad we were all able to get together. I wish we had more time to just sit around and reminisce. It made me once again think about one of my favorite songs, which I have quoted before on my blog:

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

I hope that I can take another picture like this one, 30 years from now.

On the Megan front, we survived the first week of me at work and Andrea handling Megan over nights and days. A saving grace for Andrea was the Baby Bjorn infant carrier. I guess walking around the house with Megan in the carrier keeps her happy. Andi says the house is going to be very clean because of it.
Andrea is working very hard on studying Megans habits, eating and sleeping habits. She has kept a journal most of the week, writing down all the ins and outs. Eventually, the idea is to start putting her in the crib for a little bit at a time. Up until now, we haven't used the crib at all, so this will be a hard switch over but we realize it has to be done. More to report on that as it unfolds!

Where to begin

This first week going back to work was much harder then I thought it would be. And the sad part is, I had the easy job. No matter how much I try to rationalize the concept of working, I can't shake that feeling... that life is so much more then work. I think Office Space said it best:

Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to 8 different bosses drone on about mission statements.

I daydream sometimes about what life will be like for the "average" person in 100 years. 200 years? 500 years? At what point will the human race evolve beyond the mindless drones that we are today, beyond the concepts of consumerism and materialism. Will we even make it that far?

If I was a betting man, I'd put my money on No. If there is one thing I am sure of, its that the human race has a finite amount of time left. Only question is when. Maybe a few thousand years or maybe we'll last long enough to watch the sun engulf us. Whether we're destroyed by the environment like the dinosaurs or we find a way to destroy ourselves, our time will come.

So how far will we get? Will we last long enough to look back at today as "ancient history"? 20,000 years from now, when every thing that exists today is gone, built over hundreds of times, will archaeologists dig through our remains to try and uncover how we lived? Will they find some buried keyboard and wonder what it was used for?

During lunch at work one day, I posed a question to my fellow coworkers. If you could choose to live forever, as your current self, would you? They all immediately responded with a resounding, "No way!" So why was I the only one to say, "Hell yes!" To see the life and death of humanity would be well worth it in my book. Maybe living forever would actually allow someone to get a better perspective on the whole human experience.