Fake Choices

The week has gone by surprisingly fast. Normally the first week after a long weekend is really slow. I suppose looking forward to the Bob Seger concert last night helped - and also my D&D group is meeting this Saturday night, so looking forward to that also has the week going by quickly.

Tuesday morning Andrea took Megan to the eye doctor. The gist is, they determined that her vision is fine. She does have some form of "lazy eye". I am not sure if they can actually diagnose if it's Strabismus (wandering eye) or actual Amblyopia (lazy eye). Either way, the treatment for both is the same - eye patch time! Our first pass will be eye patch for 1 hour a day for 6 weeks. I've read that this can end up going on for months, even a year or more. I can only hope that it doesn't have to last that long...

Enough bad news! Tuesday night, my brother and I went to the Bob Seger concert. It was excellent!! Our seats were awesome, the music was great. The crowd was very diverse, although there were quite a few Seger look alikes... my Dad would have fit right in with that crowd. At one point someone lit up a joint down our row a bit... I heard the women behind me say, "It's like Where's Waldo. Where's the joint?" And then another woman standing next to Scott turned to him and asked, "Are you smoking pot?" He couldn't tell if she was asking in shock or because she wanted a hit. Too funny.

I started thinking today about the choices in our lives that aren't really choices. Like choosing to get up and goto work in the morning. You might moan when the alarm clock goes off and say to yourself how you wish you didn't have to goto work, but there is no choice. I started thinking about other fake choices we make. It occurred to me that exercising has become a fake choice for me. I've finally been doing it so long that it's no longer something I choose to do. It's just something I have to do, like going to work. This is good and bad. On the good side, it means I'll keep on doing it just like going to work. On the bad side, it means I really have ceased to get any real enjoyment from it anymore. It's just one line item on my daily list of obligations.

Jingle Rap - Megan Style

I apologize to my viewers that have problems watching my youtube posts, but I just HAD to share this one. If this doesn't get you into the Christmas spirit, I don't know what will!



In other news... I've decided it's that time again. I am going to start re-reading the entire Deverry series by Katharine Kerr, from start to finish. The main reason is, the next book in the series finally came out last June. Of course, I never bothered to pick it up, but I think now is the time!



I first started reading this series when I was 14, and it was some of the hardest reading I had ever done. This will be the 4th time re-reading the entire series, I do it every time she starts a new chapter with a few year break in between. This is by far, my favorite set of books I've ever read. Will see how long it takes this time... for now, it's going to be a slow start, but I know once I get to book 3 or 4 I won't be able to put them down.

Thanksgiving pictures

Thanksgiving was a smashing success this year, as we made the rounds to both Andrea's parents house and my Mom's house. Andrea called it "one of the best Thanksgiving's ever". Not quite sure what all qualified it as such! Here are some pictures from the day, obviously all about Megan!


Megan fell in love with this ball almost as soon as we got to the Bieraugel house. So much that we ended up bringing it home with us.


Still has that ball! (this was right before we left)


Playing around with Papa B.


Megan enjoyed her first piece of pumpkin pie. Maybe too much, because she ate the ENTIRE piece, and then got a little sick later.


All that fun and food makes for a tired little girl...


Megan got a new dress when we got to my Mom's house. This dress was hand made and won first prize in a fair. Very cool!


Another cute picture of her new dress.

That's all for now, I'll be doing a long run tomorrow to work off all the food and trying to enjoy the rest of my weekend. Some things have developed regarding my attempts to start Dungeons and Dragons again that have got me in a bad mood, but I'll try to shake that off with my run and see how things play out. Right now, it's not looking too good.

Weight Maintain Challenge

The gauntlet has been thrown down! Tonight, Andrea and I weighed in for our Holiday Challenge to maintain our weights until the new year. We will weigh in again (I assume) on Jan 1st. Our weights were as follows:

Andrea:

147 pounds

Shawn:

192.5 pounds

I was happy with my number, cause it was slightly above what I expected it to be, so it should be that much easier to maintain. My actual goal for the end of the year is to be 186. (I was 190.5 after my run tonight!) It MIGHT be possible to hit that weight before Jan 1st, but honestly - I've come to realize that just being 190 by the end of the year will be a big accomplishment.

I watched this news show that said for an average 170 pound man to "work off" the typical 3000 calorie Thanksgiving feast, he would have to run a 10 minute mile for 2 and half hours. My first thought was, "That's it?" Hell, I just ran an hour tonight at a 9min mile, and I'm going to be running another hour and half on Friday. I'm basically already done working off my Thanksgiving!

Seriously though, I'm wanting to get this stupid goal weight of 183 pounds DONE in the next few months. Ideally, no later then the end of February. I need to start focusing on different aspects of my health, but until I get this weight goal off my plate, I can't seem to get motivated to do anything else. It's just the way I get so focused on things that I decide to do. I am definitely a person that has to finish what I start. I guess that's why I've beaten almost every video game I've ever played....

I'll try to post some Thanksgiving pictures tomorrow or Friday. Have a happy Turkey Day everyone!

Pursuit of Happiness

Sunday afternoon and you know what that means. I find myself watching Football and blogging. I ran 10 miles this morning, it felt great. I'm very happy with my decision to go with the close gym. Being able to get there in 2 minutes is great.

So speaking of being happy, as the new year approaches I once again find myself thinking about the things that make me happy. I'm sure part of it is the fact that Andrea asked me just a few nights ago, "Are you really happy?" and I didn't immediately shout "Hell ya!" at the top of my lungs.

Not that I think CNN is an authority on happiness, but I stumbled across this article. The article itself does nothing to establish the actual definition of happiness, which in my opinion is required to answer the follow up question of "Am I happy?". But it did have some interesting facts.

First, it tries to establish that money can't buy happiness, past a certain level. How came up with the value of that level isn't described:

By and large, money buys happiness only for those who lack the basic needs. Once you pass an income of $50,000, more money doesn't buy much more happiness, Gilbert said.

So is that $50k per person, or like $50k for a family? A married couple? Regardless, I have to disagree. I don't think just being able to provide the basic needs is enough to make you happy. Unless my definition of happiness doesn't account for material things, which I don't think is possible.

The article then throws out a bunch of other arbitrary comparisons of who's happier. Married people are happier than singles, Republicans are happier than Democrats, and my person favorite, religious people are happier than those who aren't. Ohhhh kay... guess I'm doomed to never be happy!

The one thing that did stick out to me, was something that my brother has also mentioned that he has read or heard about in the past. That is, you get happier the older you get. The happiest group of men are 65 and older. The least happy? 18 to 29.

Let's think about that... 18 to 29 are men just starting there careers or just starting to look at the fact that they will be working for the next 30 years of there life. That can be VERY depressing. 65 year old men? Probably retired, kids are all grown up, not a care in the world. Gee, I wonder why they qualify as "happier".

I know that I am definitely happier than before. Happier than when I was 300 pounds. Happier than when I lived in Boise away from family, and happier than when I wasn't a father. But am I happy? No... simply because I have too many concerns and worries about the future. But at the same time, I really don't feel like waiting 35 years to be happy. There has to be a way to find happiness in the years leading up to retirement. Now to just figure out how to do that...

Corporate Speak

A survey of office workers found that the use of management jargon by bosses lowers employee morale. Workers said they were particularly depressed by the terms "getting one's ducks in a row" and "thinking outside the box."

My personal favorite is "touching base". That one just depresses me. I know there are other ones, but I can't think of any right now. Lets just say, I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday and that next week is only 3 days long.

Andrea and I are going to try a little challenge starting on the 22nd, the day before Thanksgiving. I don't know exactly what it's called, but something along the lines of the "Maintain Challenge." The gist is, we will both weigh in on the 22nd with the goal of maintaining that weight until Jan 1st. Little does Andrea know, that I have serious weight loss goals from now until then, so I don't think it will be that hard for me... Anyway, onto some pictures:


Megan sitting in her carseat inside. I can remember when she barely fit in there!


Megan and Uncle Scott playing around one night.


Cute, peaceful, sleeping Megan. Scott, if you're reading this, you will be happy to know that Megan is just like you - she loves to sleep on her stomach!

Back on the Wagon

Today I stared at a blank, white wall for 60 minutes. And it was the best 60 minutes of the day. You know why? Because I was running on a treadmill at the time! I went four straight days without exercise, and my body was screaming at me to do something. I haven't gone that long without exercising for quite awhile, so it felt damn good to run tonight. I finally picked a health club to sign up for, right near my house called Fitness 19. I think it's called that because the memberships are $19 bucks a month. But I actually went all out and splurged for the cheaper $9 dollar a month membership. I say splurged, because there was a higher up front-cost. But in the long run, I just couldn't pass up $9 bucks a month for a place that I DRIVE by every day to work. It doesn't get much more convenient then that.

Not much else is knew, this week is looking to be pretty uneventful. I did goto Jim's house for his birthday party tonight. We played some poker and I lost $10 bucks. Actually technically speaking I only lost $8 bucks because that's all I had in my wallet at the time. So I guess I owe Jim $2 dollars that he spotted me... Ya, I'll remember that... Suuuure.

Maybe tomorrow I'll get to bed early... ya... tomorrow will be the night... Definitely.

Nightmares

Picture this: You spend 6 hours coming up with a story. You make up characters, good and evil. You give them stories, back grounds, motivations and goals. You weave this tale and try to come up with "loose" connections for your players so they can feel like they are a big part of the story. So they can feel like THEY are directing the story, and the story isn't direction them. You create dialog between characters in an attempt to "hint" them in the right direction. Sure, I delivered the dialog horribly but I tried. And after all this work to try and make the players feel "involved", I still get a "Well that's not my characters problem, lets keep going."

I probably shouldn't post right now, seeing as I'm in a very cranky mood and tired as hell having only got around 4 hours of sleep last night. We were up playing Dungeons and Dragons until 4am this morning. I don't even know if my brain was actually functioning for the last 2 hours, but that's half the fun isn't it?

I'd love to say the session was a smashing success and everyone had an awesome time, but as always that wasn't the case. I really thought I had prepared well this time. I had cool little mysterious things for each player to be worried about, I had a main plot thread that started with a cool cinematic large scale battle. I had important NPCs (non-player characters) with vague but important quests. Even an unknown bad guy! All these elements I tried to throw in and it still didn't work. The dialog was choppy, the plot was too straight forward, and my attempts to give the characters motivation was lacking. There was bickering, slow progress, and once again arguments about the definition of good and evil. Oh the joys of Dungeons and Dragons.

Perhaps like a lot of things in life, my dreams of the perfect Dungeons and Dragons session is just a pipe dream and actually a nightmare. But I can't give up yet... for where there is a will, there is a way! Somehow the princess must be rescued, the forces of evil brought to justice, and the heroes will reap the rewards!

Unseasonably Warm

Not that I'm complaining, but 71 degrees!? It's got to be some kind of record. Actually I just checked, according to kstp.com, the record temperature is 77 degrees - however, weather.com states the temp right now as 77 degrees! Either way, it's warm out, and I'll be taking advantage of it.

Dungeons and Dragons is coming together nicely for this weekend, perhaps too nicely. I'm slated to have 5 players there now, 1 that is totally new. I wasn't quite expecting that many, in fact, I had kind of hoped for a smaller group of just 3 players. I'm afraid it will become too much with that many players. We'll see how it goes, I still have a goal of making a fun fast-paced adventure.

It's kind of sad, it's only the first week in November, and I'm already thinking about the New Year. Just trying to think about what types of goals I want set for myself this next year. One new goal is vacation planning. I've always been horrible at vacation planning in the sense that, I just don't plan any for myself. 90% of the vacations Andrea and I have gone on, are some place that Andrea wanted to go. Anything else I've done is usually travel related to some kind of video game conference or convention, and those don't really count.

I want to do something big for our 10 year anniversary, which is 3 years out. What that is yet, I don't know. What I do know, is that I need to start planning for it now or it's just not going to happen. I figure as long as I can set the wheels in motion early, I'll be able to figure out what it is I want to do...

As for a Megan update, not much to report. She still hasn't decided to start walking yet and doesn't have much more in the vocab department. Although it has seemed like she has been more vocal lately. I guess the biggest thing is she has really started to get upset when I leave now. If I see her in the morning before work, or after I get home from work and leave the room. This may seem like a "Well ya DUH" type thing to other parents, but it's my first time experiencing what feels like real "attachment", so BACK OFF! It's still new to me. :-)

Remember Remember the Fifth of November

Pretty ironic to put in "V for Vendetta" this morning, only to realize today actually IS the 5th of November. For those that don't know, the movie starts out with the popular Guy Fawkes rhyme.

Last night I went to the Wild hockey game, which we ended up losing. 8 straight home game wins, and they had to lose the one I went to. Figures, the last game I went to they also lost. At least it was a high scoring game (3-4) so it was somewhat exciting. Prior to the game was a minor reunion of sorts. I went to dinner with 3 former college classmates. And on another ironic note, one is a former co-worker and one is a current co-worker. Small world I guess?

Today there are things I know I should do, mainly get my ass outside and run. But I know I'm not going to, because I'm tired and lazy.

Blog update: I would have been INSANE not to take advantage of the weather today. Thankfully that part of me that makes "good" decisions got my ass off the couch and outside for a great 6 mile run. For sure the best decision ever, I hope the rest of the week is this nice.

I was 192 (190 after my run!!) on the scale this morning, which I realize is a "fake" weight, but it's low enough that I'm not motivated to put in that extra effort. On the plus side, I will make up for it this week with this crazy heat wave we are going to have. I'll get outside for runs every night!

Earlier this week, I had the following horoscope:

You're getting serious about where you're going and need guidelines for weeding out the weak. Here's one -- the chief hallmark of a mature being is one who accepts total responsibility for his or her own state.

It has been awhile since I had a horoscope that struck a cord with me, but this one did. Responsibility is such a strange and powerful word. Every day we make choices, and in the end, we are responsible for those choices. And the only person we have to blame or praise for those choices is ourselves. Yet even knowing this, we make bad choices. That is what is so interesting to me. That a rational, logical, intelligent person will make bad decisions.

As far as I've come, I still make bad decisions. Granted, they are fewer and farther between, but they still happen. What this horoscope made me realize, that it's okay to make bad decisions, as long as I take responsibility for them. In the past, I ignored my bad decisions. I completely denied that I was even making bad decisions, and that was my problem. I know now that it's important to embrace the choices I make, good or bad, and acknowledge and learn from them both.

I just wished it wasn't so damn hard to always make the "good" choices!!!!!

There it is

Today we finally had Megan's 1 year check up. It was delayed because our doctor called in sick for our original appointment. Let's just say, it could have been worse? She was 24 pounds and 32 inches today, which puts her in the 90% and 97% percentiles respectively. So she is definitely still a big girl! She had two shots, and she cried but only for a very short time. The worse part was when we had to get her finger pricked for a blood sample. That just sucked!

We also pointed out to the doctor something we've been worried about for awhile now - Megan's lazy eye. Her right eye wanders when she is looking at things far away, or when it is really bright. At first we figured it would just go away, but it hasn't. I find out later that I guess my Mom also had something like that, and had to wear a patch over one eye when she was little. I have a feeling Megan will have to do the same. Here is an example of what I am talking about, we actually brought this picture to the doctor to show her.



Right away the doctor said we should get her in to see an optometrist. I just can't see Megan being okay with a patch over her eye, she would just rip it right off! I guess we will see what happens...

If you've read this far, you get to know the coolest part of our doctor visit. Megan took her first steps! Right there in the little room, Megan took 2 or 3 unassisted steps towards me. It was just awesome! Of course, I can't get her to duplicate it now for the life of me, but she definitely did it. Best part was Andrea was also right there to see it. So now I never have to worry about missing her first steps.