As this week and month both come to a close, I'm reminded once again how fast it all seems to be flying by. Casey is 8 months old and is going to be walking soon. Megan is 4 going on 13. Every now and then she just sighs, looks up at me, rests her head in her hands and says, "It's hard to be a girl sometimes." It breaks my heart, but it is oh so cute. Just you wait!
The funny thing is, I predicted this back in July of last year. I knew things would start to speed up, and sure enough, they are. The scary thing is, recently I've been wondering if the routine is starting to get to me.
Right about now, I could go off on the deep end, like I often do. Like how lately I've been wondering if the systems we are a part of, are created by us on purpose. Are the concepts of work, making money, and all the rest a way of controlling ourselves? I mean, think of the alternatives?
What if people didn't need to work for a living. What if everything you ever needed to "survive" (food, clothes, shelter) for you're entire life was immediately provided the day you were born. What then? Would the world be a better place or a worse one?
After doing "work" that is meaningless for so long, it hardly even bothers me anymore. I can think back to the early years and remember how hard it was. I'd leave work going, "Is this it?" Unless something major occurs or some insane self employment opportunity/idea hits me out of no where (about as likely as winning the lotto), I'll probably be working at some random company doing some random computer/programming related thing for the rest of my career. I'll always be overworked, underpaid, and under appreciated for my efforts. Odds are high that I'll always be a grunt, or at best, the highest of the grunts. (which probably just amounts to more pressure, higher work load, and bigger expectations than the other grunts)
Can I deal with that? Yeah, probably. The problem is, I'm not 100% sure what the price is going to be. I get caught up in thinking what I do is hard or that I'm so much better at it, when in reality, a trained monkey can do what I do. I need to remind myself that more often, and remember that what goes on at work, good, bad, or whatever, will always be meaningless. And that's okay. Because work isn't where I find meaning.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Video Day
I haven't got any pictures or videos up since Christmas, so I figured it was about time. Casey has really started getting around this last month, climbing up on things, etc. It's hard to say if she will be walking before 1 year, maybe. Not much new on the Megan front, although she has started up swimming lessons again and is doing well. Swimming is something she definitely just enjoys, so we will probably keep that going.
Today is a day of errands and misc stuff, with a dinner date tonight with another couple. We are heading out to eat at Crave, at the Mall of America. I'm hoping our experience is not quite the same as Steve's, I wouldn't mind a mildly bad experience that included a free meal.
Anyway, on to the videos! First up, Megan and Casey speak into the Microphone:
And the second video, from a few nights ago. I was just changing Casey's diaper and she was just soooo giggly. I had to capture it.
Ahhh the sound of laughing babies. Maybe Casey will become an Internet craze and get 95 million hits like that one video. If the video doesn't put a smile on your face, I don't think anything could!
Today is a day of errands and misc stuff, with a dinner date tonight with another couple. We are heading out to eat at Crave, at the Mall of America. I'm hoping our experience is not quite the same as Steve's, I wouldn't mind a mildly bad experience that included a free meal.
Anyway, on to the videos! First up, Megan and Casey speak into the Microphone:
And the second video, from a few nights ago. I was just changing Casey's diaper and she was just soooo giggly. I had to capture it.
Ahhh the sound of laughing babies. Maybe Casey will become an Internet craze and get 95 million hits like that one video. If the video doesn't put a smile on your face, I don't think anything could!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
The Hard Questions
Megan is at the age where she asks a lot of questions. I'm never quite sure what depth of answer to give to her. On the one side, I don't want to go into so much detail that she stops listening and goes "oh". On the other, I don't want to over simplify things. So the other day when I was reading the newspaper article about Haiti, and Megan started asking questions, I decided to give her the most honest answers I could, shying away from actually mentioning death, dead people, etc. That ended up in a long series of questions, each more detailed then the next. Why did they get hurt? Who got hurt? Why does the earth shake? Who's going to help them? Why do they need water?
Those interactions are always tricky, because you never know what Megan might latch on to. For example, recently when one of my Mom's cat's died, I explained to Megan how Pepper died because he was old. This was followed by a week long asking of "Where is Pepper?" and "But I didn't want Pepper to die!" (with some sad crying as well).
Tonight was another one that has come up a few times, maybe a half dozen times total. Megan asked me, "Where is your Daddy?". That is a tough one. Tonight when she asked, I went with a new answer of "He is no longer with us." I don't think she caught on to what I meant by that, but I was just too afraid to use any form of the "D" word.
If I were to stop and think hard about the fact that my daughters will never know Papa Mike, it makes me pretty damn sad. That's probably why I try not to think about it. Hell, I even wish Andrea could have met him. Because despite his flaws, for he had his share, just like me, he was a kind, gentle, loving soul. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm sure he would have loved to be a Papa for three lovely girls after being a father of two unruly boys.
Maybe I'll have my Mom go through and collect some old pictures of Papa Mike and I'll get them scanned in for some permanent storage. And perhaps this year I'll try to share more stories of him with Megan next time the "hard" question comes up.
Those interactions are always tricky, because you never know what Megan might latch on to. For example, recently when one of my Mom's cat's died, I explained to Megan how Pepper died because he was old. This was followed by a week long asking of "Where is Pepper?" and "But I didn't want Pepper to die!" (with some sad crying as well).
Tonight was another one that has come up a few times, maybe a half dozen times total. Megan asked me, "Where is your Daddy?". That is a tough one. Tonight when she asked, I went with a new answer of "He is no longer with us." I don't think she caught on to what I meant by that, but I was just too afraid to use any form of the "D" word.
If I were to stop and think hard about the fact that my daughters will never know Papa Mike, it makes me pretty damn sad. That's probably why I try not to think about it. Hell, I even wish Andrea could have met him. Because despite his flaws, for he had his share, just like me, he was a kind, gentle, loving soul. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm sure he would have loved to be a Papa for three lovely girls after being a father of two unruly boys.
Maybe I'll have my Mom go through and collect some old pictures of Papa Mike and I'll get them scanned in for some permanent storage. And perhaps this year I'll try to share more stories of him with Megan next time the "hard" question comes up.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Little bit of everything
Best words to describe this weekend. Lots of little fun stuff that added up to a decent weekend. Saturday I saw Avatar for the second time, and it was still just as good. I did pay more attention to the whole "Dances With Wolves" comparison that everyone seems so keen on mentioning, and I guess I get it. Did the natives win in that one?
Came home, grabbed Megan and went out for a treat at Cold Stone Creamery. We got inside and Megan yells out, "Look at all those flavors!" The two teenage workers just laughed saying it was the cutest thing they had ever heard. I was like, "What's the big deal? There IS a lot of flavors."
Sunday I got a run in and then enjoyed the Vikings game like most other people this weekend. It would be cool to see them win the division next week, but I'm not going to invest too much concern over it.
In other entertainment news, I've started reading Katherine Kerr novels again. This time, I only went as far back as the start of the final "Act", which is the last 4 books in the series. Originally, as each new "Act" came out, I would go back and re-read the entire series. The first book was published in 1986, and I found them shortly after that in high school, probably either 89' or 90'. The reason I started reading them again recently is that the final book, 15th in the series, was published last November. I recalled it was possibly due out in 2009, but never realized it came out.
It's kinda weird to look back and think I've been reading this book series for the last 20 years. There are plenty of good fantasy novels out there, and lots of great writers and series. For some reason, this is the one I stuck with. I'm excited to see the conclusion, and at the same time, very sad. In some ways, this series is what led me to reading others throughout the years. I might find it hard to go looking for something new once it's all done. By far, these are my favorite books of all time. Every time I read them they get better.
Came home, grabbed Megan and went out for a treat at Cold Stone Creamery. We got inside and Megan yells out, "Look at all those flavors!" The two teenage workers just laughed saying it was the cutest thing they had ever heard. I was like, "What's the big deal? There IS a lot of flavors."
Sunday I got a run in and then enjoyed the Vikings game like most other people this weekend. It would be cool to see them win the division next week, but I'm not going to invest too much concern over it.
In other entertainment news, I've started reading Katherine Kerr novels again. This time, I only went as far back as the start of the final "Act", which is the last 4 books in the series. Originally, as each new "Act" came out, I would go back and re-read the entire series. The first book was published in 1986, and I found them shortly after that in high school, probably either 89' or 90'. The reason I started reading them again recently is that the final book, 15th in the series, was published last November. I recalled it was possibly due out in 2009, but never realized it came out.
It's kinda weird to look back and think I've been reading this book series for the last 20 years. There are plenty of good fantasy novels out there, and lots of great writers and series. For some reason, this is the one I stuck with. I'm excited to see the conclusion, and at the same time, very sad. In some ways, this series is what led me to reading others throughout the years. I might find it hard to go looking for something new once it's all done. By far, these are my favorite books of all time. Every time I read them they get better.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Megan Factor
Megan is a great kid. Most of the time, she is very well behaved. And by most of the time, I mean damn near 90% of the time or more. She struggles with the things most kids do her age: transitions (leaving something she is enjoying) and times when she is tired.
The hard part is that the "problem times" seem OVERLY difficult. When she has made up her mind to misbehave or not listen to us, she takes it to the N-th degree. At grocery stores it might be running away or throwing things out of the grocery cart. Or running away when leaving the YMCA. At home it's usually physical in nature (hitting/throwing). Being given a timeout just means more running away and hiding under tables. Telling her to stop doing something always just makes it worse. The word "Don't" might as well be "Do that some more." It's getting exhausting, for everyone. Andrea fears for her ability to take both girls out in public alone if she can't control Megan. I feel like I'm contributing to the problem because when faced with an out of control Megan, either in public or at home, I'll simply pick her up or physically remove her from the situation. That is not something Andrea can effectively do now as Megan is older and bigger.
The worst part about it all, is the constant wondering. Are we doing something wrong as parents? Is Megan just going through a "phase"? Should we be reacting differently to her outbursts? Does she need more discipline? Less discipline? Stricter timeouts? Should I not cave to her demands for a yogurt at 10pm because I know if she gets it, she will go to bed right after with a hug and a kiss good night? (and I can't even go into the alternative of if I were to say "No, it's bed time.") Is it possible maybe I just have a spoiled child? Am I too much of a people pleaser?
The constant self doubts are dragging on our family life to be certain. If there was any time in my life I needed serious advice, suggestions, or any thoughts from people who have been through the 4 year old stage, now would be that time. Post a comment, send me an email, or hell, god forbid, call me in person. I've even joined the 20th century, and have a cell phone now, I'll give you the number.
The hard part is that the "problem times" seem OVERLY difficult. When she has made up her mind to misbehave or not listen to us, she takes it to the N-th degree. At grocery stores it might be running away or throwing things out of the grocery cart. Or running away when leaving the YMCA. At home it's usually physical in nature (hitting/throwing). Being given a timeout just means more running away and hiding under tables. Telling her to stop doing something always just makes it worse. The word "Don't" might as well be "Do that some more." It's getting exhausting, for everyone. Andrea fears for her ability to take both girls out in public alone if she can't control Megan. I feel like I'm contributing to the problem because when faced with an out of control Megan, either in public or at home, I'll simply pick her up or physically remove her from the situation. That is not something Andrea can effectively do now as Megan is older and bigger.
The worst part about it all, is the constant wondering. Are we doing something wrong as parents? Is Megan just going through a "phase"? Should we be reacting differently to her outbursts? Does she need more discipline? Less discipline? Stricter timeouts? Should I not cave to her demands for a yogurt at 10pm because I know if she gets it, she will go to bed right after with a hug and a kiss good night? (and I can't even go into the alternative of if I were to say "No, it's bed time.") Is it possible maybe I just have a spoiled child? Am I too much of a people pleaser?
The constant self doubts are dragging on our family life to be certain. If there was any time in my life I needed serious advice, suggestions, or any thoughts from people who have been through the 4 year old stage, now would be that time. Post a comment, send me an email, or hell, god forbid, call me in person. I've even joined the 20th century, and have a cell phone now, I'll give you the number.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
Running Year In Review
Been awhile since I talked about my running, so I figured why not review the last year and do some standard bragging. My goal for 2009 was 1,500 miles. I sorta blew right by that, along with some crazy personal speed records. Let's take look at the last year by the numbers:
Week by week mileage graph:
The 3 days between runs only happened once all year. Reason? Casey was born. There was nothing particularly special about my peak week, just a couple of 9 milers and a 16/12. My lowest week was due to something specific - that was the week I suffered a nasty glut injury from lifting. The funny thing is my good friend suffered the same injury later in the year just from pure running.
I didn't do as many races this year, partly because my company stopped paying for them. I did a total of 5 races this year (I think). All of them were personal records, but only one that I was truely proud of. It was my 10k in late July where I ran an average pace of under 6:50 minute miles. That was probably the hardest run I had ever done. I'm not quite sure I want to try and beat that this year.
So what did all this running get me? A minor Plantar Fasciitis injury, that I think I suffered the last few months due to running hills on the treadmill. It's not causing me serious pain or anything, but I've decide to take a solid week of running, and evaluate again. If the pain is still there, I might go another week after that. Might not seem like a big deal, but when my longest time between runs over the last year was 3 days, it's actually a very huge deal.
Maybe I'll use this as my excuse to finally take up some other forms of exersize, including lifting.
| Total mileage: | 1,858.77 |
| Highest weekly mileage: | 54.66 (7/8/2009) |
| Lowest weekly mileage: | 25 (2/11/2009) |
| Average weekly mileage: | 35.6 |
| Average miles per run: | 8.6 |
| Longest single distance: | 20.43 |
| Longest time between runs: | 3 days |
Week by week mileage graph:
The 3 days between runs only happened once all year. Reason? Casey was born. There was nothing particularly special about my peak week, just a couple of 9 milers and a 16/12. My lowest week was due to something specific - that was the week I suffered a nasty glut injury from lifting. The funny thing is my good friend suffered the same injury later in the year just from pure running.I didn't do as many races this year, partly because my company stopped paying for them. I did a total of 5 races this year (I think). All of them were personal records, but only one that I was truely proud of. It was my 10k in late July where I ran an average pace of under 6:50 minute miles. That was probably the hardest run I had ever done. I'm not quite sure I want to try and beat that this year.
So what did all this running get me? A minor Plantar Fasciitis injury, that I think I suffered the last few months due to running hills on the treadmill. It's not causing me serious pain or anything, but I've decide to take a solid week of running, and evaluate again. If the pain is still there, I might go another week after that. Might not seem like a big deal, but when my longest time between runs over the last year was 3 days, it's actually a very huge deal.
Maybe I'll use this as my excuse to finally take up some other forms of exersize, including lifting.
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Belated Happy New Year
Ahhh, the dreaded week between posts. My Mom was waiting for my annual whining about New Years resolutioners packing up the gyms and taking up my treadmills. I think I'll skip that this year, try to focus on the positive? (HA, ya right!)
Busy weekend leading up to the New Years with no time to post. Thursday we had my brother and another couple over for some games. For our second game, we went with Outburst 2, which was from sometime around 1990. Damn was that funny. They left around 10pm and I rang in the new years finishing up my second (and last) play through of Dragon Age: Origins.
New Years day we didn't do much, hit the YMCA in the morning and a few shopping trips in the afternoon. Most of the evening was preparing for our overnight in New Ulm, which was Saturday to Sunday. We dropped Megan off with Grandma Gayle Sat morning and brought Casey to spend the day and night with Grandma and Papa B. We got to see Avatar which completely blew my mind. I will definitely need to see it again in the theater.
So what's next? No rambling post about goals, no reflections on this last year. 2009 was full of tough challenges that I never brought to the blog. It had it's share of positive things as well, but it sucks the way my brain always wants to dwell on the wrong things.
I do know that 2010 is going to be a big year in a lot of different ways, and I'm excited for the coming months. I'm hoping most of the challenges of this year will be mostly forgotten by the time spring rolls around, and we will all be focusing on the positive again.
Busy weekend leading up to the New Years with no time to post. Thursday we had my brother and another couple over for some games. For our second game, we went with Outburst 2, which was from sometime around 1990. Damn was that funny. They left around 10pm and I rang in the new years finishing up my second (and last) play through of Dragon Age: Origins.
New Years day we didn't do much, hit the YMCA in the morning and a few shopping trips in the afternoon. Most of the evening was preparing for our overnight in New Ulm, which was Saturday to Sunday. We dropped Megan off with Grandma Gayle Sat morning and brought Casey to spend the day and night with Grandma and Papa B. We got to see Avatar which completely blew my mind. I will definitely need to see it again in the theater.
So what's next? No rambling post about goals, no reflections on this last year. 2009 was full of tough challenges that I never brought to the blog. It had it's share of positive things as well, but it sucks the way my brain always wants to dwell on the wrong things.
I do know that 2010 is going to be a big year in a lot of different ways, and I'm excited for the coming months. I'm hoping most of the challenges of this year will be mostly forgotten by the time spring rolls around, and we will all be focusing on the positive again.
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