I should be in bed. I have a bad cold and haven't been sleeping very well. Actually, last night I got a decent nights sleep because I went to bed with Megan in her bed at like 8pm. Andrea woke me up a little after 9pm and I just went back to bed right away.
I spoke too soon about the weather apparently. Tuesday night it was so sunny and semi-nice out, that despite the fact that I didn't pack for an outside run, I went for it anyway. It was a TAD cold in standard shorts and t-shirt, but after the first few miles it was great running weather. With some sunny days in the upper 40s yet to come... Who knows. After doing a full 2 hours on the treadmill last Sunday, I'm dying for more outside running.
Work is getting interesting. Interesting meaning, I can't hardly talk about it anymore, because it's gotten that bad. Thankfully, at this point, it's mostly just bitching and moaning, and not anything real. As far as the bottom line is concerned, the company as a whole seems to still be making money despite some serious attempts to fail at that. Not like what my Mom is going through, who just found out her entire COMPANY is being "sold off". And what is even worse, is my sister-in-law got a job there too, so that's two people in the "who knows if we will have a job tomorrow" camp. I'm gonna take a wild guess that is more stressful than what I'm dealing with.
It's times like these, where I start to think again about how nice it would be not to have to be a part of a system that puts no value in the individual. In other words, finding a way to work for myself and not for some abstract "company" that puts zero value in me. Sure, my manager might shower me in praise, and my co-workers might depend on me day to day. But when push comes to shove, none of that matters. Anyone I work with would stab me in the back to keep their jobs. Restructuring, lay-offs, down-sizing, whatever form it might come in. It's all just a stupid game, with everyone jocking for position to appear the most important so when that day comes, they aren't the one that's out of a job.
Maybe... just maybe, I need to start giving some serious long term thought to what it might take to become self-employed. After all, studies show that business owners have the highest overall Well-Being Index.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Quiet Evening
Due to a series of events, I find myself with more free time this weekend than I have had in quite some time. My Mom earlier in the week volunteered to have Megan over night tonight, which worked for us. Tomorrow morning, Andrea is taking the girls down to New Ulm and I'll have the day to myself.
What will I do with all this new found free time! Not much really... relax in what little ways I can. Exercise, clean, and if there is a little time left over, play some video games.
Speaking of video games, I'm sorta not happy about my Dell purchase. The damn thing keeps locking up on me, 5 minutes into any game. And it's a hard lock, meaning I have to force reboot my computer. After the reboot, I can then play for whatever length of time and it seems to be fine. I've done some research and found that this particular product line of Dell (XPS 630i) is particularly plagued with hardware problems. Question is: do I feel like figuring it out myself, or do I deal with the Dell red tape and send it back under warranty, with the generic "It locks up on me occasionally, fix it and send it back."
As the continuing rain threatens to turn to snow any day now, I'm wondering if I might not get any more outdoor runs this year. Can you believe November is right around the corner? And Casey is already 5 months old tomorrow! Zang.
What will I do with all this new found free time! Not much really... relax in what little ways I can. Exercise, clean, and if there is a little time left over, play some video games.
Speaking of video games, I'm sorta not happy about my Dell purchase. The damn thing keeps locking up on me, 5 minutes into any game. And it's a hard lock, meaning I have to force reboot my computer. After the reboot, I can then play for whatever length of time and it seems to be fine. I've done some research and found that this particular product line of Dell (XPS 630i) is particularly plagued with hardware problems. Question is: do I feel like figuring it out myself, or do I deal with the Dell red tape and send it back under warranty, with the generic "It locks up on me occasionally, fix it and send it back."
As the continuing rain threatens to turn to snow any day now, I'm wondering if I might not get any more outdoor runs this year. Can you believe November is right around the corner? And Casey is already 5 months old tomorrow! Zang.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Right On Time
We had marked down Valerie's due date as October 21st on our calendar. It was the day I originally remembered being told. And lo and behold, what do we find? Baby Elizabeth born on October 21st, in the early morning hours right before 4am. We stopped by the hospital tonight to get a peek at the newest Anderson on the block.
I'm so excited for my brother, and so nervous right along with him. I know what he is going through in some ways, and not at all in others. Our lives are on such different tracks, that it isn't always easy to relate. I do know he is going to be a great Dad even if he doesn't know it yet. It took me time to figure that out as well. And Scott, if you are reading this, I recommend going back to the start of our Adventure and reading up. Maybe you can find some words of wisdom in my ramblings from those first few weeks Megan entered our lives.
Congrats, I love you bro!
I'm so excited for my brother, and so nervous right along with him. I know what he is going through in some ways, and not at all in others. Our lives are on such different tracks, that it isn't always easy to relate. I do know he is going to be a great Dad even if he doesn't know it yet. It took me time to figure that out as well. And Scott, if you are reading this, I recommend going back to the start of our Adventure and reading up. Maybe you can find some words of wisdom in my ramblings from those first few weeks Megan entered our lives.
Congrats, I love you bro!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
When things go as planned
As I pulled into my standard break stop to down my first gu-gel and some water, the sign on the bank said 58 degrees. Perfect running weather! I'm still hoping for one more outdoor run, even if it ends up being in colder weather. But today was perfect and exactly what the doctor ordered. 17 miles where the last mile felt good instead of wishing I was done. There is absolutely no way I could run 17 miles on a treadmill. In fact, I don't even think it would be good for my legs / feet if I could.
The rest of this weekend was pretty low key. With my Mom out of town, and just coming off Megan's birthday last weekend, we didn't have much to do or in the way of visitors. Andrea and I took the opportunity to have a little "YMCA" date, where we dropped the kids off at Kid's Stuff and just spent some time in the pool/whirlpool/sauna. After that, we grabbed 2 Disney movies from Redbox and watched them over at my Mom's place.
This morning, before my run, I took Megan to the Zoo. It's our default activity when nothing else is going on and we just need to get out of the house. It turned out to be a great time and the weather was nice enough that Megan was able to enjoy the outside stuff (new playground and the bears). We also got to see something we had never seen before, they were training the new dolphins! It was pretty cool to see a dolphin know the difference between a blue triangle and a red star shape. And then we had a nice Zoo employee sitting next to us as we watched (there was only a handfull of people there). She was very engaging with Megan, telling her about what they were doing with the dolphins. And Megan kept asking various "Why?" questions and she just kept on answering them.
Megan got up close and personal before I realized we weren't supposed to.
Dolphin learning to pick out a specific shape/color.
Megan and the bears.
The leopard was out - very rare for early morning. This is only the second time Megan and I have seen this elusive guy. The last time we saw him was at 5pm right before zoo closing time.
The rest of this weekend was pretty low key. With my Mom out of town, and just coming off Megan's birthday last weekend, we didn't have much to do or in the way of visitors. Andrea and I took the opportunity to have a little "YMCA" date, where we dropped the kids off at Kid's Stuff and just spent some time in the pool/whirlpool/sauna. After that, we grabbed 2 Disney movies from Redbox and watched them over at my Mom's place.
This morning, before my run, I took Megan to the Zoo. It's our default activity when nothing else is going on and we just need to get out of the house. It turned out to be a great time and the weather was nice enough that Megan was able to enjoy the outside stuff (new playground and the bears). We also got to see something we had never seen before, they were training the new dolphins! It was pretty cool to see a dolphin know the difference between a blue triangle and a red star shape. And then we had a nice Zoo employee sitting next to us as we watched (there was only a handfull of people there). She was very engaging with Megan, telling her about what they were doing with the dolphins. And Megan kept asking various "Why?" questions and she just kept on answering them.
Megan got up close and personal before I realized we weren't supposed to.
Dolphin learning to pick out a specific shape/color.
Megan and the bears.
The leopard was out - very rare for early morning. This is only the second time Megan and I have seen this elusive guy. The last time we saw him was at 5pm right before zoo closing time.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Crazy Tongue Action
Figured I might as well do a few days in a row with some pictures. Having lots of fun with the new camera. With an 8gig memory stick, I can take all sorts of pictures and video for a long time. I think at maximum quality, I can take over a full hour of video footage. That's awesome!
I'm hoping that I can get outside this weekend for a decent long run on Sunday. They are promising 60 and sunny. I would kill for that, hell I'd be happy with 50 and sunny. The whole treadmill thing is getting old fast and I've only done it for 2 weeks now. I've even tried hill programs and random settings to try and keep it interesting. That helps, but it is still just not the same. Honestly, I'm also starting to think that subtle differences in muscle usage occurs when on the mill. Enough such that I am sore in weird places that I've never felt when running outdoors.
I honestly can't believe October is already half over. Where does the time go? Within a week or two, my brother is gonna be a Dad for the first time. I can't believe that is happening already! Next thing you know, our kids will be crawling around and playing together. Expect lots of footage of that coming up here by the end of the month.
For Sarah, the picture that Megan took:
Megan's first snowman of this winter:
Casey doing funny faces:
This one is priceless:
Megan holding Casey:
And finally, more fun video footage:
I'm hoping that I can get outside this weekend for a decent long run on Sunday. They are promising 60 and sunny. I would kill for that, hell I'd be happy with 50 and sunny. The whole treadmill thing is getting old fast and I've only done it for 2 weeks now. I've even tried hill programs and random settings to try and keep it interesting. That helps, but it is still just not the same. Honestly, I'm also starting to think that subtle differences in muscle usage occurs when on the mill. Enough such that I am sore in weird places that I've never felt when running outdoors.
I honestly can't believe October is already half over. Where does the time go? Within a week or two, my brother is gonna be a Dad for the first time. I can't believe that is happening already! Next thing you know, our kids will be crawling around and playing together. Expect lots of footage of that coming up here by the end of the month.
For Sarah, the picture that Megan took:
Megan's first snowman of this winter:
Casey doing funny faces:
This one is priceless:
Megan holding Casey:
And finally, more fun video footage:
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Return of the Pic
If you haven't noticed by now, it's been a huge dry spell in the picture / movie department on the ol' blog. Last time I posted a picture was back on August 9th, and those images were just horrible in quality. A combination of age and letting Megan play with my camera whenever she wanted lead to it finally breaking enough to warrant a new one.
So after much prodding, I had my brother give me a recommendation for a new one. Something reasonably priced, but still good quality. Since my brother has spent more on camera based products than I probably ever will in my life time, and has done way more research than me, I figured he would have good advice. It was basically an upgrade to my current Canon, the A1100 IS. Definitely more compact, just as easy to use, and very decent button press to picture taken response time. It's also kind of weird upgrading a camera from 512meg capacity to 8gb capacity. About the only thing I regret is that I wanted the new camera so bad, I just went and bought it from a physical store. Damn immediate gratification just cost me $20 bucks. Grrrrr...
So after much prodding, I had my brother give me a recommendation for a new one. Something reasonably priced, but still good quality. Since my brother has spent more on camera based products than I probably ever will in my life time, and has done way more research than me, I figured he would have good advice. It was basically an upgrade to my current Canon, the A1100 IS. Definitely more compact, just as easy to use, and very decent button press to picture taken response time. It's also kind of weird upgrading a camera from 512meg capacity to 8gb capacity. About the only thing I regret is that I wanted the new camera so bad, I just went and bought it from a physical store. Damn immediate gratification just cost me $20 bucks. Grrrrr...
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
The Sun Rules
After all this rain, and 4 treadmill runs, today was an awesome change of pace. A breezy but comfortable temp for an outdoor run. Probably won't be too many left this year, sometime in October always spells the end for me. I just won't run in the snow, period. I can handle 40 degrees, but not snow.
I decided I will NOT be doing a $65 dollar half marathon race at the end of this month. The price tag is just too high for the quality of that run. Too much potential for it to be way too cold or wet or both. Last year, the only reason I did the run was because it was free (paid for by work). So technically speaking, I did not run any half marathon races this year. Only two 10k's, the 25k, and that silly 1 miler. The highlight for this year was my second 10k, which was a HUGE PR of 6:50 pace. I never dreamed I could run 6.2 miles straight at under 7 minute miles. Even saying it now sounds crazy.
So the end of the year running will just wind down with whatever outdoor runs I can manage and then it's the long harsh treadmill winter. I'll survive, but I think it's going to be the hardest winter yet, based on the level and types of running I got to this year. I have really come to look forward to my long weekend runs (13-16 miles, with a few 18-20). It's a solid 2+ hour block where it's just me and the road. A lot of tough things have sorted themselves out in those chunks of time, and trust me, you just can't run on a treadmill for 13+ miles. It's damn near impossible.
Translation? It would be great if I had no big stressors over the winter. Given a few of the big things that went on this year, that I have not, and cannot share on the blog, let's hope there aren't many more
I decided I will NOT be doing a $65 dollar half marathon race at the end of this month. The price tag is just too high for the quality of that run. Too much potential for it to be way too cold or wet or both. Last year, the only reason I did the run was because it was free (paid for by work). So technically speaking, I did not run any half marathon races this year. Only two 10k's, the 25k, and that silly 1 miler. The highlight for this year was my second 10k, which was a HUGE PR of 6:50 pace. I never dreamed I could run 6.2 miles straight at under 7 minute miles. Even saying it now sounds crazy.
So the end of the year running will just wind down with whatever outdoor runs I can manage and then it's the long harsh treadmill winter. I'll survive, but I think it's going to be the hardest winter yet, based on the level and types of running I got to this year. I have really come to look forward to my long weekend runs (13-16 miles, with a few 18-20). It's a solid 2+ hour block where it's just me and the road. A lot of tough things have sorted themselves out in those chunks of time, and trust me, you just can't run on a treadmill for 13+ miles. It's damn near impossible.
Translation? It would be great if I had no big stressors over the winter. Given a few of the big things that went on this year, that I have not, and cannot share on the blog, let's hope there aren't many more
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Ground Zero
Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.Confession time. Work effects my mood. No matter how hard I try not to let it, or how many times I try to tell myself it doesn't matter, it does. Why? That's the more important question. I had to think long and hard about that, and I finally figured it out: My ego.
- Tyler Durden
I remember well getting ready to leave my first job. I was convinced they'd be screwed without me. And when I told my close co-workers of my impending exit, they were down right frightenened because they depended on me so much. I had created an artifical sense of importance in order to feed my own ego. After I left, no earth shattering things occured. The machine kept on chugging as long as it could, with or without my help. Eventually all those people I worked with and that entire division was moved off-shore and they all lost there jobs.
So here we are today, and I've come to recognize the same thing. I have a self inflated sense of my own worth at "work". That things would just fall apart if I wasn't there. But they wouldn't. The machine will roll on, with or without my help. I might make minor contributions here and there, but by and large, the success of a company is way beyond what I do. If the current company I works for starts losing money, my contributions count for exactly dick. I'm just another line item in a budget. I've lived through lay-offs before, and to hell if I'm going to lose sleep over it.
The real lesson I should take away from my first job is this: I'm smart enough to see the end of the tracks. I knew Micron wasn't doing so well, and I could see the division I worked in was not doing so well. And although I survived a first round of lay-offs there, I was smart enough to see that sticking around longer was a gigantic waste of time, since no amount of contribution from ANYTHING would have changed the fact that the entire division was cut and everyone was out of a job.
So instead of letting work effect my mood, I'm simply going to do my best, ignore the rest, and remain unstressed. Nice little rhyme, eh? I'm so clever.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Just Another Monday
I was able to enjoy what was most likely the last good weather this past weekend. I did a quick 6 miler on Saturday evening and a 14 miler on Sunday late morning. The Sunday run was windy as hell and drizzled a little bit, but nothing too bad.
It's crazy to think there are only 3 months left in this year, with Casey already hitting the 4 month mark. Maybe it felt different with Megan because she was born in October and we had the long winter together. Or maybe I've just been too busy with work, running, or Megan. Whatever it might be, it feels like Casey is growing up dang fast. In Megan related news, she is totally excited to turn 4. For various reasons, she has it in her head that once she turns 4, she can go outside all by herself. She is always talking about things she will be able to do when she is bigger. It's fun to hear her get so excited for the future.
I've been thinking a lot lately about that very topic. The future. About goals and aspirations. About home life, personal life, family life, work life. The pieces of the puzzle are constantly in flux, and just when I start to solidify a picture, something will come along to jumble it all up again. But one question has been rising to the top of "Shawn's bag of questions" more often recently. What kind of Father do I want to be?
So far, I've been surviving on the default approach. Love, caring, and support. They are pretty safe bets, and if you do nothing else, you're probably doing okay if you stick to those basic needs. And when you're almost 4 year old looks up and you and tells you for the first time, "You are the best Daddy ever." you have to assume you are doing SOMETHING right.
But love, caring, and support only go so far. Kids need teachers. They also need limits and boundaries. Things I absolutely suck at. Megan's asleep on the couch next to me, because it's easier than dealing with forcing her back in her room. Is it not that big of a deal, or will it come back to haunt me when she is 13 and trying to walk all over me?
It's crazy to think there are only 3 months left in this year, with Casey already hitting the 4 month mark. Maybe it felt different with Megan because she was born in October and we had the long winter together. Or maybe I've just been too busy with work, running, or Megan. Whatever it might be, it feels like Casey is growing up dang fast. In Megan related news, she is totally excited to turn 4. For various reasons, she has it in her head that once she turns 4, she can go outside all by herself. She is always talking about things she will be able to do when she is bigger. It's fun to hear her get so excited for the future.
I've been thinking a lot lately about that very topic. The future. About goals and aspirations. About home life, personal life, family life, work life. The pieces of the puzzle are constantly in flux, and just when I start to solidify a picture, something will come along to jumble it all up again. But one question has been rising to the top of "Shawn's bag of questions" more often recently. What kind of Father do I want to be?
So far, I've been surviving on the default approach. Love, caring, and support. They are pretty safe bets, and if you do nothing else, you're probably doing okay if you stick to those basic needs. And when you're almost 4 year old looks up and you and tells you for the first time, "You are the best Daddy ever." you have to assume you are doing SOMETHING right.
But love, caring, and support only go so far. Kids need teachers. They also need limits and boundaries. Things I absolutely suck at. Megan's asleep on the couch next to me, because it's easier than dealing with forcing her back in her room. Is it not that big of a deal, or will it come back to haunt me when she is 13 and trying to walk all over me?
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Regularly Scheduled
Been a pretty good week. Nothing spectacular, but nothing overly stressful either. Probably the most stressful thing right now is that Casey has a bad cold which Megan also just got. This has made for some rough sleeping nights and grumpy day time. I'm just waiting for it to turn into ear infections...
Although I haven't been worried about work much this week, I have been thinking about it. Thinking about my place in the machine and all that. I have grandiose ideas, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never do anything with them. For various reasons, not the least of which is, I'm more or less convinced I wouldn't get the recognition (and compensation) I would deserve. But earlier this week, I had a crazy work dream. I dreamt I was in a meeting that was so pointless, I just had to say "This is stupid" and walk out of the meeting. That exact meeting, with all the players from the dream, took place today. Weird huh? Only difference is I didn't walk out, I suffered through it.
I'm still not looking forward to being forced indoors, so I'm going to try and enjoy as many runs these last few weeks as I can handle. Last night I wussed out due to being tired (I went to bed at 8:30pm I was so tired!!). But I've been pushing out some hard miles. I'd say there's a greater than 50% chance I'm going to do the half marathon race on Halloween.
Although I haven't been worried about work much this week, I have been thinking about it. Thinking about my place in the machine and all that. I have grandiose ideas, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never do anything with them. For various reasons, not the least of which is, I'm more or less convinced I wouldn't get the recognition (and compensation) I would deserve. But earlier this week, I had a crazy work dream. I dreamt I was in a meeting that was so pointless, I just had to say "This is stupid" and walk out of the meeting. That exact meeting, with all the players from the dream, took place today. Weird huh? Only difference is I didn't walk out, I suffered through it.
I'm still not looking forward to being forced indoors, so I'm going to try and enjoy as many runs these last few weeks as I can handle. Last night I wussed out due to being tired (I went to bed at 8:30pm I was so tired!!). But I've been pushing out some hard miles. I'd say there's a greater than 50% chance I'm going to do the half marathon race on Halloween.
Monday, September 21, 2009
End of Summer
With the crappy race and my general mood of last week, I didn't have much hopes for the weekend. In fact, Friday night I went for a "run" that could hardly qualify as such. I was just so mentally beat that I even stopped to walk a few times, and only managed few miles. Ugh, bleh, and general blah.
Saturday rolls around and we do some basic stuff. Megan at dance class followed up by a quick (and hot) afternoon birthday party with visit to grandmas as well. We were sorta all over. But Saturday evening I was able to sneak away and spend some time with a good friend and catch a movie.
That evening with my friend basically flipped my entire weekend around, for a few reasons. You see, my friend is going through some incredibly tough shit. Stuff that, in my humble opinion, would just destroy someone. And in a way, that's exactly what happened. I had been getting glimpses of what was going on over the last year, but it wasn't until this weekend that I got the whole picture.
Part of me was just so completely saddened to hear all the ways that life was essentially kicking his ass. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, life found ways to kick him while he was down. Another part of me was disappointed in myself as a friend. Shouldn't I have seen this? Wouldn't a better friend have made time to realize what was going on? Is this another side effect of being too wrapped up in my own life?
One last part of me also started to realize how good life HAS been to me, and how quickly it can all change. Maybe I'm just insanely lucky. Maybe my "plan for the worst" approach has some merit. I might be overly pessimistic, but in this day, can you afford not to be?
Sunday morning I took all that jumble of stuff and ran it out. No more complaining, no more whining, no more blahs. If life is going to continue to beat up on my family, my friends, and everyone I love and care about, then the last thing I'm going to do is let it beat up on me too. If you dig deep, and push hard enough, sometimes you can surprise yourself and find just a little more.
Saturday rolls around and we do some basic stuff. Megan at dance class followed up by a quick (and hot) afternoon birthday party with visit to grandmas as well. We were sorta all over. But Saturday evening I was able to sneak away and spend some time with a good friend and catch a movie.
That evening with my friend basically flipped my entire weekend around, for a few reasons. You see, my friend is going through some incredibly tough shit. Stuff that, in my humble opinion, would just destroy someone. And in a way, that's exactly what happened. I had been getting glimpses of what was going on over the last year, but it wasn't until this weekend that I got the whole picture.
Part of me was just so completely saddened to hear all the ways that life was essentially kicking his ass. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, life found ways to kick him while he was down. Another part of me was disappointed in myself as a friend. Shouldn't I have seen this? Wouldn't a better friend have made time to realize what was going on? Is this another side effect of being too wrapped up in my own life?
One last part of me also started to realize how good life HAS been to me, and how quickly it can all change. Maybe I'm just insanely lucky. Maybe my "plan for the worst" approach has some merit. I might be overly pessimistic, but in this day, can you afford not to be?
Sunday morning I took all that jumble of stuff and ran it out. No more complaining, no more whining, no more blahs. If life is going to continue to beat up on my family, my friends, and everyone I love and care about, then the last thing I'm going to do is let it beat up on me too. If you dig deep, and push hard enough, sometimes you can surprise yourself and find just a little more.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Dark Moods
With October right around the corner, my self diagnosed minor case of Seasonal Affective Disorder seems to be kicking in. Funny thing is, it hit me in April too, I just had too much stuff going on to realize it at the time. I like to think that it has a lot to do with being trapped inside for a few months with no running, but who knows. Maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep.
I was watching Megan and our neighbors kids jumping on the trampoline tonight, and my neighbor comes over and asks, "Is everything okay?". I assumed he was referring to the kids, and of course, everything was fine. But perhaps he just happened to notice me in one of my brooding states (and if he reads this, maybe he'll let me know which it was ☺).
We also had another conversation, which for various reasons, included him asking me what I thought the purpose of life was. At first I was taken a little off guard. It's not too often someone goes there. In fact, I honestly can't recall the last time someone just straight up asked me that. I tried to articulate an answer, but that's tough to do in 60 seconds, and his youngest was crying for Daddy to come inside. Fast food philosophy, deep thoughts in a minute or less or you're next question is free! Oh the challenges of parenting.
It did get me thinking though, about how much I missed discussing/thinking about deeper things, and how nice it would be to just have long talks about those things in life that you don't talk about much. Am I alone in my peers, not having a defined purpose? Am I weird for thinking the "search for purpose" is something that should never stop until the day you die? Do all 30 somethings around me have it all figured out, with a clearly defined since of purpose, that somehow I passed up because of my life choices and life views?
I was also reminded that at one point, I had high hopes that my blog would be an outlet for deep thought. I've attempted to from time to time, but it always either comes out wrong, negative, or as rants. There has got to be a middle ground where I can still "vent" about things that piss me off, but also share other things I think about from time to time. Maybe I'll work on that for October...
I was watching Megan and our neighbors kids jumping on the trampoline tonight, and my neighbor comes over and asks, "Is everything okay?". I assumed he was referring to the kids, and of course, everything was fine. But perhaps he just happened to notice me in one of my brooding states (and if he reads this, maybe he'll let me know which it was ☺).
We also had another conversation, which for various reasons, included him asking me what I thought the purpose of life was. At first I was taken a little off guard. It's not too often someone goes there. In fact, I honestly can't recall the last time someone just straight up asked me that. I tried to articulate an answer, but that's tough to do in 60 seconds, and his youngest was crying for Daddy to come inside. Fast food philosophy, deep thoughts in a minute or less or you're next question is free! Oh the challenges of parenting.
It did get me thinking though, about how much I missed discussing/thinking about deeper things, and how nice it would be to just have long talks about those things in life that you don't talk about much. Am I alone in my peers, not having a defined purpose? Am I weird for thinking the "search for purpose" is something that should never stop until the day you die? Do all 30 somethings around me have it all figured out, with a clearly defined since of purpose, that somehow I passed up because of my life choices and life views?
I was also reminded that at one point, I had high hopes that my blog would be an outlet for deep thought. I've attempted to from time to time, but it always either comes out wrong, negative, or as rants. There has got to be a middle ground where I can still "vent" about things that piss me off, but also share other things I think about from time to time. Maybe I'll work on that for October...
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Monday Already?
After a few 3 day weekends, the whole 2 day weekend just doesn't seem like enough. I wanna say there was something blog worthy last week, but time just snuck away from me. Of course, the new computer doesn't help matters. Squeezing in the time for video games has got to take time from something. I bought a new game on Friday - I've installed it, but not even started it once yet.
On the work front, I'm predicting that the next 4-5 months will be "interesting". And when I say "interesting" I mean, even if a bunch of things that are currently in motion go "well", there is still a large chance of fail. The thing that will be interesting, is to see how that fail plays itself out. Who will point fingers? Where will the blame fall? Will there be a shake-up or will we just move on?
As for running, I just had my last race of the year today. The long cold winter and loss of motivation is going to set in soon enough, but I should be able to get in at least a few more weeks of outdoor running. Last year, my last race ended on a high note. This year ended on a flop.
I set out with a goal pace of under 7:30, and I achieved that. Offical time has me at 7:27 pace, my watch was 7:22 pace. But overall, it was just a bad race. There were a few possbile contributing factors. I maybe didn't eat/fuel correctly yesterday. Maybe the humidity/heat got to me in the later half of the race. Perhaps I started too fast for a 25k race. Whatever it was, although I achieved my goal, mentally I did not. My per-mile pace tells the story:
I essentially ran two races. The first half of the race where I was feeling good, going strong with a 7 minute pace. I wasn't worried about keeping up the 7 minute pace the entire time, I figured maybe midway I'd slow it down to 7:15s (which I did). However, shortly after mile 9, things just fell apart. I just had no energy, I had nothing to dig into, and I wanted to quit more than any race I've ever done. Mentally I had basically given up. Every time someone passed me, instead of trying to keep pace, I just fell farther behind. It took every ounce of will power just to maintain sub 8s.
I'm honestly not sure I can end this year with this race. I might have to cough up some dough and end on the same race I ended with last year: the Monster Dash Half Marathon . $65 dollars is a lot to pay just for my bruised ego.
On the work front, I'm predicting that the next 4-5 months will be "interesting". And when I say "interesting" I mean, even if a bunch of things that are currently in motion go "well", there is still a large chance of fail. The thing that will be interesting, is to see how that fail plays itself out. Who will point fingers? Where will the blame fall? Will there be a shake-up or will we just move on?
As for running, I just had my last race of the year today. The long cold winter and loss of motivation is going to set in soon enough, but I should be able to get in at least a few more weeks of outdoor running. Last year, my last race ended on a high note. This year ended on a flop.
I set out with a goal pace of under 7:30, and I achieved that. Offical time has me at 7:27 pace, my watch was 7:22 pace. But overall, it was just a bad race. There were a few possbile contributing factors. I maybe didn't eat/fuel correctly yesterday. Maybe the humidity/heat got to me in the later half of the race. Perhaps I started too fast for a 25k race. Whatever it was, although I achieved my goal, mentally I did not. My per-mile pace tells the story:
I essentially ran two races. The first half of the race where I was feeling good, going strong with a 7 minute pace. I wasn't worried about keeping up the 7 minute pace the entire time, I figured maybe midway I'd slow it down to 7:15s (which I did). However, shortly after mile 9, things just fell apart. I just had no energy, I had nothing to dig into, and I wanted to quit more than any race I've ever done. Mentally I had basically given up. Every time someone passed me, instead of trying to keep pace, I just fell farther behind. It took every ounce of will power just to maintain sub 8s.
I'm honestly not sure I can end this year with this race. I might have to cough up some dough and end on the same race I ended with last year: the Monster Dash Half Marathon . $65 dollars is a lot to pay just for my bruised ego.
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Labor... dang
Over already... that was fast. The weekend was weird, but good. Saturday Andrea and the girls went to visit her parents. I stayed home simply because my new computer was slated to arrive on Saturday and someone had to be here to sign for it. I spent all day doing house work (laundry, dishes, grocery shopping) and getting the computer desks ready. This mainly consisted of finding a place for a 19" inch CRT monitor and buying some new screws to reattach a busted keyboard tray that Megan broke off a few months ago.
The computer finally arrived at 4:45pm, and I immediately got a 7.5 mile run in. Got back home at 6pm, showered and started setting things up. I got about 30-45 minutes of "What is this Windows Vista crap?" before everyone got home. Didn't have much time to get anything set up.
Sunday I squeezed in a little more time and got the one game I bought setup - Mass Effect. It's a kick ass game and I'm going to have fun playing through it multiple times (at least twice for sure) in preperation for Mass Effect 2, due out Q1 2010.
Monday I shifted gears and made sure I kept running a priority with a solid 18 mile run. The funny part was that I was passed while running by my friend Steve on his bike. Although we follow each other on our blogs, it was nice to catch up in person. He stayed with me for a few miles, prompting me to run a little harder so he didn't have to go so slow on his bike. Can you tell what part of the run he was with me? :-)
Grandma Gayle took Megan swimming Monday morning and was gracious enough to extend her time with Megan into the afternoon. This gave me a little more time to play on the new computer and I got a few misc applications setup, more system tweaks and learning how crazy Windows Vista is. I'm not gonna bother learning much more about Vista, since I'll be getting the free Windows 7 upgrade when it is released, which I think is as early as late October?
Sorry for the rambling, somewhat tech related post. Just not much else to update on!
The computer finally arrived at 4:45pm, and I immediately got a 7.5 mile run in. Got back home at 6pm, showered and started setting things up. I got about 30-45 minutes of "What is this Windows Vista crap?" before everyone got home. Didn't have much time to get anything set up.
Sunday I squeezed in a little more time and got the one game I bought setup - Mass Effect. It's a kick ass game and I'm going to have fun playing through it multiple times (at least twice for sure) in preperation for Mass Effect 2, due out Q1 2010.
Monday I shifted gears and made sure I kept running a priority with a solid 18 mile run. The funny part was that I was passed while running by my friend Steve on his bike. Although we follow each other on our blogs, it was nice to catch up in person. He stayed with me for a few miles, prompting me to run a little harder so he didn't have to go so slow on his bike. Can you tell what part of the run he was with me? :-)
Grandma Gayle took Megan swimming Monday morning and was gracious enough to extend her time with Megan into the afternoon. This gave me a little more time to play on the new computer and I got a few misc applications setup, more system tweaks and learning how crazy Windows Vista is. I'm not gonna bother learning much more about Vista, since I'll be getting the free Windows 7 upgrade when it is released, which I think is as early as late October?
Sorry for the rambling, somewhat tech related post. Just not much else to update on!
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Order has shipped!
I got an email yesterday that my new Dell PC was going to be delayed by a week, putting the delivery 2 weeks out. I was a little dissapointed... But that is nothing compared to when I bought my Alienware. I put the purchase in for my Alienware in on June 6th, 2004 and it didn't ship until July 23rd, almost 2 full months later.
Then I got another email today saying the computer has shipped and will be here Saturday! Isn't it funny how much BETTER news is when it contradicts previously bad news?
Yes, that is the big news - I bought a new PC. My current PC is now offically past it's prime, being over 5 years old. Not a bad run, and honestly, it can still run some of the mildly older games decently (2007ish). It just falls short on all the new games due to Shader Model 3.0. I paid more for my Alienware then I had ever paid for any computer previous. However, it did include a DOPE purple paint job, matching purple keyboard and mouse, a HUGE 21" inch CRT monitor, and a 5.1 speaker set.
When I told Andrea earlier this year I had my sights set on the possibility of upgrading this year, she wasn't all that supportive. With too many unknown factors, costs associated with Casey and our other financial goals, I understood. So we agreed that I could put it off until next year.
Well, part of that whole decision was an assumption Andrea had that a new PC meant another Alienware type investment. Out of the blue the other day, she asked me how much a new PC would cost me, and when I told her what it would be (a third of the cost of my Alienware), it didn't seem all that big of a deal. So she gave the green light, and I went for it!
I think I got a decent deal, my brother tells me it's a hell of a lot of computer for the price. It even comes with an SLI video card setup, 2gig total video memory. And they were also running a 40% off all monitors sale, so I picked up a 24" inch flat panel for $200 bucks. Not too shabby.
I've already made list of 19 different games I want to purchase, only 3 of which are available now. The rest are all future releases. The sad part is, the total cost of all the games I want is almost equivalent to the entire PC purchase.
The only question now is, can I handle this new machine and keep a good balance between family, running, work, and gaming?
Then I got another email today saying the computer has shipped and will be here Saturday! Isn't it funny how much BETTER news is when it contradicts previously bad news?
Yes, that is the big news - I bought a new PC. My current PC is now offically past it's prime, being over 5 years old. Not a bad run, and honestly, it can still run some of the mildly older games decently (2007ish). It just falls short on all the new games due to Shader Model 3.0. I paid more for my Alienware then I had ever paid for any computer previous. However, it did include a DOPE purple paint job, matching purple keyboard and mouse, a HUGE 21" inch CRT monitor, and a 5.1 speaker set.
When I told Andrea earlier this year I had my sights set on the possibility of upgrading this year, she wasn't all that supportive. With too many unknown factors, costs associated with Casey and our other financial goals, I understood. So we agreed that I could put it off until next year.
Well, part of that whole decision was an assumption Andrea had that a new PC meant another Alienware type investment. Out of the blue the other day, she asked me how much a new PC would cost me, and when I told her what it would be (a third of the cost of my Alienware), it didn't seem all that big of a deal. So she gave the green light, and I went for it!
I think I got a decent deal, my brother tells me it's a hell of a lot of computer for the price. It even comes with an SLI video card setup, 2gig total video memory. And they were also running a 40% off all monitors sale, so I picked up a 24" inch flat panel for $200 bucks. Not too shabby.
I've already made list of 19 different games I want to purchase, only 3 of which are available now. The rest are all future releases. The sad part is, the total cost of all the games I want is almost equivalent to the entire PC purchase.
The only question now is, can I handle this new machine and keep a good balance between family, running, work, and gaming?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
10 years and 2 days
Andrea and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last Friday. After coming home from a horrible grocery shopping trip today, and now listening to Casey wail up a storm... you have to remind yourself, it's all worth it right?
Of course it is, but things aren't always peaches and cream. No day is without it's challenges. Andrea and I are under a lot of stress, perhaps more than we've ever dealt with and there are only minor signs of improvement as we survive the first 3 months with Casey. I say survive in the most literal of terms. If you asked me right now if I was up, down, happy, depressed, or anything in between, I'd respond with a blank stare. Those questions have no meaning when you are in survival mode. Interesting (or ironic?) how that works, isn't it?
Friday we dropped the girls off at Grandma Gayle's, who with some assistance, was nice enough to watch them for the majority of the day. Andrea and I enjoyed lunch at Houlihan's, and then a movie, District 9, which we both enjoyed a lot. After that, we hung out at Grandma's house to veg out for the rest of the evening and a Chinese food dinner. I've been trying to recover from all that overeating the rest of the weekend (approx. 25 miles running in 2 days).
As I previously mentioned, Saturday was the baby shower over at our place. Everything went great, and Andrea is happy it was so successful. The funny thing that happened was at the end. As guests were leaving, someone found a baby kitten hiding in our drive way. I didn't want the first thing to do with it, and my cousin walked it around the houses near us but couldn't find an owner. It had a collar with a bell on it, so it definitely belonged to someone.
Long story short, Megan found the cat again after we went outside. It looked so helpless, I decided to take it in with the hopes of finding the owners. If I couldn't, the cat was going to the humane society by 11am today. Plus, it gave Megan and I something to do yesterday afternoon, as we walked house to house asking if anyone had lost a cat (I brought a picture of the cat along). Turned out to belong to a nearby neighbor, they just weren't home yesterday. They stopped by this morning and took the cat home. Whewww, one less problem to deal with.
In other news, I was given a green light to buy a new computer, in part, as something to help me deal with my stress. The computer won't even arrive here for another week, and I've already bought a new game, with another one in my sights. More on that as it unfolds...
Of course it is, but things aren't always peaches and cream. No day is without it's challenges. Andrea and I are under a lot of stress, perhaps more than we've ever dealt with and there are only minor signs of improvement as we survive the first 3 months with Casey. I say survive in the most literal of terms. If you asked me right now if I was up, down, happy, depressed, or anything in between, I'd respond with a blank stare. Those questions have no meaning when you are in survival mode. Interesting (or ironic?) how that works, isn't it?
Friday we dropped the girls off at Grandma Gayle's, who with some assistance, was nice enough to watch them for the majority of the day. Andrea and I enjoyed lunch at Houlihan's, and then a movie, District 9, which we both enjoyed a lot. After that, we hung out at Grandma's house to veg out for the rest of the evening and a Chinese food dinner. I've been trying to recover from all that overeating the rest of the weekend (approx. 25 miles running in 2 days).
As I previously mentioned, Saturday was the baby shower over at our place. Everything went great, and Andrea is happy it was so successful. The funny thing that happened was at the end. As guests were leaving, someone found a baby kitten hiding in our drive way. I didn't want the first thing to do with it, and my cousin walked it around the houses near us but couldn't find an owner. It had a collar with a bell on it, so it definitely belonged to someone.
Long story short, Megan found the cat again after we went outside. It looked so helpless, I decided to take it in with the hopes of finding the owners. If I couldn't, the cat was going to the humane society by 11am today. Plus, it gave Megan and I something to do yesterday afternoon, as we walked house to house asking if anyone had lost a cat (I brought a picture of the cat along). Turned out to belong to a nearby neighbor, they just weren't home yesterday. They stopped by this morning and took the cat home. Whewww, one less problem to deal with.
In other news, I was given a green light to buy a new computer, in part, as something to help me deal with my stress. The computer won't even arrive here for another week, and I've already bought a new game, with another one in my sights. More on that as it unfolds...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Minor Mistakes
Survived the short week. It wasn't so bad, although I did end up working from home a few hours each night, for a total of something like 38 hours in 4 days. I still stick by what I said before. I've decided I'm going to put my ideas out there, and make an honest effort to push something, anything, that might be considered an innovating idea. It's one of those situations where, what's the worse that could happen? Everyone laughs and says no, go back to your cube and fall in line like the good drone you are. And then I'll still have the last laugh, when it all comes to an end and I get to yell, "Told you so!". Oops!
In other news, I had been mentally prepping all week for a 25k (15.5 mile) race this Saturday, only to come to the realization that... It isn't this Saturday. It's 3 weekends from now, and isn't even ON a Saturday. Boy do I feel stupid. The funny part is that Saturday is my sister-in-laws baby shower, and I was sort of in the dog house all this month due to having scheduled a race on the same day. Everyone is happy now to find out I was wrong, but now I'm out a free excuse to get a long run in. Oops!
Tonight I picked up Megan from daycare, and mentioned to the teacher how I thought today was her last day. I thought our plan was to do it only for August. I even said as much, in a previous post, where I said "We will probably only do it for this month...". Turns out we are going through the month of Sept. So Megan was giving hugs out to her teacher and classmates like she'd never see them again. Yeah, I'll feel sorta silly when I pick her up next Tuesday. Oops!
Still, nothing made my day like what happened tonight. Megan, Andrea and I were reading/talking about the prayer that they say at school before meals and snacks. It's a simple 4 line prayer that Megan has mostly memorized, and it ends with "Thank you, God, for everything!". Interesting I thought, but no big deal. Then Andrea asks , "Megan, do you know God is?"
In other news, I had been mentally prepping all week for a 25k (15.5 mile) race this Saturday, only to come to the realization that... It isn't this Saturday. It's 3 weekends from now, and isn't even ON a Saturday. Boy do I feel stupid. The funny part is that Saturday is my sister-in-laws baby shower, and I was sort of in the dog house all this month due to having scheduled a race on the same day. Everyone is happy now to find out I was wrong, but now I'm out a free excuse to get a long run in. Oops!
Tonight I picked up Megan from daycare, and mentioned to the teacher how I thought today was her last day. I thought our plan was to do it only for August. I even said as much, in a previous post, where I said "We will probably only do it for this month...". Turns out we are going through the month of Sept. So Megan was giving hugs out to her teacher and classmates like she'd never see them again. Yeah, I'll feel sorta silly when I pick her up next Tuesday. Oops!
Still, nothing made my day like what happened tonight. Megan, Andrea and I were reading/talking about the prayer that they say at school before meals and snacks. It's a simple 4 line prayer that Megan has mostly memorized, and it ends with "Thank you, God, for everything!". Interesting I thought, but no big deal. Then Andrea asks , "Megan, do you know God is?"
Megan: "I'm God!"Priceless, I just about spit the pudding I was eating all over the place I laughed so hard. Funniest thing that happened all week!
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Is it over yet?
Horribly long week. Right now, all the girls in the house, even Andrea are all taking an afternoon nap. I just got finished with a 5 mile bike ride / 5 mile run combo. Have a few minutes to myself, so figured it was about that time.
Why was this week so long you ask? Work mostly. This may sound arrogant, but I'm no dummy. I don't go through my day blissfully unaware of my surroundings. I pride myself on my attention to detail. This means that when push comes to shove, I know what needs to be done and I know what has to change in order for things to work. And I do that, ignoring consequences, ignoring what others might think, I get things done.
There is a flip side to being so in tune with what is going on around you. It means I'm also typically aware of impending shit storms. It seems so painfully obvious to me why things are going south at work, and also what it would really take to fix them. Sadly, it's also clear that nothing is ever going to change. The machine must roll on. Innovation is a dirty word. The idea of rewriting 10 year old software from the ground up in order to stay competitive, just isn't viewed as a sound investment. I'm gonna go ahead and say "bad idea" and in a few years, I'll look back and say "Told you so." The hard part will be convincing myself to stick with my long term plan, when I know things are just going to get worse before they get better.
On a totally different subject, my brother of all people, finally motivated me to do something I've been thinking I should do for quite some time. Ever since I removed the TV from my house, I've been wondering what the hell I'm going to do with my massive 230+ DVD collection. Well, I've decided. I'm selling the whole lot, minus a select few. Interested in buying a few movies? Here's the full list:
200+ DVD movies, most $2-$4
The funny part about putting this list of movies together, was the discovery that I actually had two completely unopened movies. I never even realized that. A friend of mine at work already has an order going, he said he was going to buy 20-30. I told him he could have first dibs, and the same would go for anyone else. (i.e. first come, first serve). And the special deal for family/friends is $1 dollar off every 2 movies you buy. Interested? Drop me an email or phone call.
Why was this week so long you ask? Work mostly. This may sound arrogant, but I'm no dummy. I don't go through my day blissfully unaware of my surroundings. I pride myself on my attention to detail. This means that when push comes to shove, I know what needs to be done and I know what has to change in order for things to work. And I do that, ignoring consequences, ignoring what others might think, I get things done.
There is a flip side to being so in tune with what is going on around you. It means I'm also typically aware of impending shit storms. It seems so painfully obvious to me why things are going south at work, and also what it would really take to fix them. Sadly, it's also clear that nothing is ever going to change. The machine must roll on. Innovation is a dirty word. The idea of rewriting 10 year old software from the ground up in order to stay competitive, just isn't viewed as a sound investment. I'm gonna go ahead and say "bad idea" and in a few years, I'll look back and say "Told you so." The hard part will be convincing myself to stick with my long term plan, when I know things are just going to get worse before they get better.
On a totally different subject, my brother of all people, finally motivated me to do something I've been thinking I should do for quite some time. Ever since I removed the TV from my house, I've been wondering what the hell I'm going to do with my massive 230+ DVD collection. Well, I've decided. I'm selling the whole lot, minus a select few. Interested in buying a few movies? Here's the full list:
200+ DVD movies, most $2-$4
The funny part about putting this list of movies together, was the discovery that I actually had two completely unopened movies. I never even realized that. A friend of mine at work already has an order going, he said he was going to buy 20-30. I told him he could have first dibs, and the same would go for anyone else. (i.e. first come, first serve). And the special deal for family/friends is $1 dollar off every 2 movies you buy. Interested? Drop me an email or phone call.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Even my Dreams have Dreams
Last night I offered to do the overnight feedings. It was in part, my attempt to make up for a mix up earlier in the weekend where I got a little angry around 5am when I shouldn't have. And also to try and let Andrea get a good nights sleep, as she would have Megan home with her for the first time in two weeks.
The funny thing is, when my brain wakes up every 2 hours, I have the most insane dreams, because I am basically being woke up during REM periods. From what I remember, REM dreams are often much more intense, emotionally charged, and vivid then NREM (Non-REM).
In short, REM dreams come from a totally different part of the brain then NREM dreams: the limbic system. The limbic system is also referred to as the "center of emotions". As a result, REM dreams have certain characteristics that set them apart. In the past, I've had dreams of such emotional intensity that I will actually wake myself up crying.
Last night was no exception. The dreams I had were intensely emotional and to be honest, nothing that I could share with anyone except maybe a shrink. And since I'll never have one of those... Anyway, the crazy part was at one point in my dream, I "woke up" and thought, oh man, I have to write this stuff down, I could make a movie out of this (I used to keep a dream journal to assist in dream recall). So I'm going through the "dream" I just had in my head, trying to write down the strongest emotional details, which were quickly fading as dreams often do upon waking. Only then I realized, I was still dreaming. At that point things went from intense, to insane, as I slipped right back into the dream I was previously having, only now, I was fully lucid. (I know, try stay with me... but visit the Wiki links to understand the depths of my dreaming rabbit hole)
By morning, I had gone through such a roller coaster that I was in a weird place. The rational part of my brain tried to remind me that dreams are just super charged emotions played out in picture form. Your brain picks an emotion, juices it up, then picks a memory of something that you associate with that emotion. The two together combine in a way that cause people look for "meaning" in their dreams, where there is none to be found.
But on the other hand... for the first time in a long time, I started to wonder. How many emotions have I suppressed, repressed, or otherwise bottled up? Is it going to bite me in the end, or will be in control over the long haul? Strong emotions do strange things.
Did I mention that dreams fascinate me? Also, in case you didn't already know, Stephen Laberge is one of my hereos.
The funny thing is, when my brain wakes up every 2 hours, I have the most insane dreams, because I am basically being woke up during REM periods. From what I remember, REM dreams are often much more intense, emotionally charged, and vivid then NREM (Non-REM).
In short, REM dreams come from a totally different part of the brain then NREM dreams: the limbic system. The limbic system is also referred to as the "center of emotions". As a result, REM dreams have certain characteristics that set them apart. In the past, I've had dreams of such emotional intensity that I will actually wake myself up crying.
Last night was no exception. The dreams I had were intensely emotional and to be honest, nothing that I could share with anyone except maybe a shrink. And since I'll never have one of those... Anyway, the crazy part was at one point in my dream, I "woke up" and thought, oh man, I have to write this stuff down, I could make a movie out of this (I used to keep a dream journal to assist in dream recall). So I'm going through the "dream" I just had in my head, trying to write down the strongest emotional details, which were quickly fading as dreams often do upon waking. Only then I realized, I was still dreaming. At that point things went from intense, to insane, as I slipped right back into the dream I was previously having, only now, I was fully lucid. (I know, try stay with me... but visit the Wiki links to understand the depths of my dreaming rabbit hole)
By morning, I had gone through such a roller coaster that I was in a weird place. The rational part of my brain tried to remind me that dreams are just super charged emotions played out in picture form. Your brain picks an emotion, juices it up, then picks a memory of something that you associate with that emotion. The two together combine in a way that cause people look for "meaning" in their dreams, where there is none to be found.
But on the other hand... for the first time in a long time, I started to wonder. How many emotions have I suppressed, repressed, or otherwise bottled up? Is it going to bite me in the end, or will be in control over the long haul? Strong emotions do strange things.
Did I mention that dreams fascinate me? Also, in case you didn't already know, Stephen Laberge is one of my hereos.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
20 mile run that never was
This morning was interesting. Between Casey keeping me awake from midnight to 2am, and Megan coming up to our bedroom at 4:30am, when my alarm started going off at 5:20am, I actually stopped for a second to ask, "Why am I doing this again?"
Wait, let me go back. I haven't posted all this week because we had a semi emergency with Casey. On Wed night, she developed a really bad fever, 100.3 and above. Andi scheduled an appt. for the next afternoon, but ended up taking her to urgent care the next morning instead. Fever was up above 102, and it wasn't the standard ear infection. So they had to do a battery of tests to rule out all the serious things. They found nothing, so they gave her a standard shot of catch all antibiotics. She is doing better today, but her mood and night times are definitely not back to normal yet.
The second half of this week has been a bit rough, but we've survived. Meanwhile, I made plans to go out this morning and do new distance record: 20 miles. We got started by 6am and it was clear the humidity was going to be a factor, but overall, it was an enjoyable run. We did mostly 9:00s for the entire morning, which for me is a comfortable pace. The last 5 weeks, my long weekend runs in the 11-16 mile range have all been around 8:00-8:15 pace. The difference between 8s and 9s is significant. But even so, with the humidity this morning, 9s were plenty hard.
The funny part of the run, is that I paused my run at one water stop, only to forget to start it up again. The end result? My watch didn't even get to record my 20 mile run!! Check out this map:
Unless I suddenly sprouted wings or gained the ability to walk on water, I'm pretty sure I couldn't do that little straight line directly over the lake. That is where I paused and then restarted later. Oops... Oh well, just means I have to do it again sometime I guess!
Total distance: 20.43 miles (I think), total time: 3:07:44
Wait, let me go back. I haven't posted all this week because we had a semi emergency with Casey. On Wed night, she developed a really bad fever, 100.3 and above. Andi scheduled an appt. for the next afternoon, but ended up taking her to urgent care the next morning instead. Fever was up above 102, and it wasn't the standard ear infection. So they had to do a battery of tests to rule out all the serious things. They found nothing, so they gave her a standard shot of catch all antibiotics. She is doing better today, but her mood and night times are definitely not back to normal yet.
The second half of this week has been a bit rough, but we've survived. Meanwhile, I made plans to go out this morning and do new distance record: 20 miles. We got started by 6am and it was clear the humidity was going to be a factor, but overall, it was an enjoyable run. We did mostly 9:00s for the entire morning, which for me is a comfortable pace. The last 5 weeks, my long weekend runs in the 11-16 mile range have all been around 8:00-8:15 pace. The difference between 8s and 9s is significant. But even so, with the humidity this morning, 9s were plenty hard.
The funny part of the run, is that I paused my run at one water stop, only to forget to start it up again. The end result? My watch didn't even get to record my 20 mile run!! Check out this map:
Unless I suddenly sprouted wings or gained the ability to walk on water, I'm pretty sure I couldn't do that little straight line directly over the lake. That is where I paused and then restarted later. Oops... Oh well, just means I have to do it again sometime I guess!
Total distance: 20.43 miles (I think), total time: 3:07:44
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