Just a few days left until Christmas and we got a crap load of snow and cold weather dropped on us. At least it waited until the weekend. Commute times have been horrible lately, taking as much as an hour or more. So far nothing has topped last years record of a 2 hour commute.
This last week has been full of ups and downs leading up to Christmas. From work, to family, to Megan, to me. I'm glad I ended up taking as much time off as I did, I can use the break. Just 4 working days for me left this year. (2 sets of Monday/Tuesday). This weekend we mostly just stayed inside, although we did get out today to do some shopping and over to my Mom's. I'm blogging from her computer now while everyone else is watching Shrek with Megan.
Christmas Eve we will be heading to the Anderson's in the evening. Seeing everyone will be great. There have been a number of bad things that have happened to pretty much everyone on that side of the family, so hopefully this will be a time to forget all that and just remember the good times. I think back on my life and how, no matter what else, Christmas Eve and Christmas day were always there. Always a time to see family, always a time to enjoy food, company, and for the kids, lots of gifts. I think about the future too and how much I want to hold on to that as long as I can, and perhaps, if needed, begin my own family traditions that Megan gets to grow up with year after year.
Speaking of that, Christmas morning will be just such a tradition. For the last few years we've decided to claim Christmas morning as the one "small" family thing we do. I love to make a big breakfast for everyone, something my Dad used to do from time to time. I can't recall if he did it every single Christmas morning, but it was something he is remembered for today. I like to think about him while I'm cooking for everyone. This year, Andrea's parents will also be making the drive up to spend the morning with us. Long story short, it means our Christmas time driving this year is going to be greatly reduced. Can't complain about that!
Probably won't get to post again until after Christmas, so I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful week. Stay safe and stay warm!!
Merry Christmas!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Seriously Slacking
Not enough posts make Shawn a dull blogger. Yes, I start out every post bitching about how I don't post enough. Tough, suck it up and deal with it. Somewhere right around Thanksgiving, I decided to start playing World of Warcraft again, which I had quit back in April. This time, I'm not going to get into any of the competitive aspects, it's purely going to be what it should have been all along: a night time hobby to pass some time. I'm going to miss the extra hours of sleep, but whatever. I've been sleeping too much as it is.
Anyway, that was a really long story to explain why I'm not blogging as much.
Last Monday, I came home to an awesome surprise. Out of no where, Megan sang her entire ABC's song to me! She had recently started singing the whole "Twinkle Twinkle" song as well, even to the point where she wouldn't want you to sing along with her sometimes. "No Daddy, I do it!" It was a joy to come home and hear her belt out the whole ABCs.
Not everything is going so well, I am still struggling with her physicality and dissobediance. Sure, it might just be normal 3 year old behavior, but it sure doesn't make it any easier. When I have no good comparisons to draw from, I just assume Megan is a little hellion. Punching and kicking me if I take away something, throwing toys at me if I don't do what she wants immediately when she wants it. Every night is excitement!
I've been thinking hard about my New Years resolutions, and finally came to some realizations. (don't I always?) For starters, I decided resolutions are usually by definition, somewhat selfish. I've decide this year that I'm going to make my resolutions in a slightly different way. One for myself, and all others for someone else. I'm sure this makes no sense, but again, whatever! I'll be the first to admit my brain hasn't been firing on all cylinders lately.
Anyway, that was a really long story to explain why I'm not blogging as much.
Last Monday, I came home to an awesome surprise. Out of no where, Megan sang her entire ABC's song to me! She had recently started singing the whole "Twinkle Twinkle" song as well, even to the point where she wouldn't want you to sing along with her sometimes. "No Daddy, I do it!" It was a joy to come home and hear her belt out the whole ABCs.
Not everything is going so well, I am still struggling with her physicality and dissobediance. Sure, it might just be normal 3 year old behavior, but it sure doesn't make it any easier. When I have no good comparisons to draw from, I just assume Megan is a little hellion. Punching and kicking me if I take away something, throwing toys at me if I don't do what she wants immediately when she wants it. Every night is excitement!
I've been thinking hard about my New Years resolutions, and finally came to some realizations. (don't I always?) For starters, I decided resolutions are usually by definition, somewhat selfish. I've decide this year that I'm going to make my resolutions in a slightly different way. One for myself, and all others for someone else. I'm sure this makes no sense, but again, whatever! I'll be the first to admit my brain hasn't been firing on all cylinders lately.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
I Do It
This week was easier than last week despite the fact that it was a full week instead of 3 days. December is always a slow time for software development. One interesting thing did occur this week. It's one of those things that once again, I better not post about. Let's just say, I've officially lost all faith that the business has any clue what it's doing. Long story, but you're going to have to ask me in person.
In other news, Megan's Independence is hitting all new levels. I've always had this feeling she had more "independent" traits than normal kids. Positive things like never going through a separation phase when we left her places. And negative things like not listening to her parents. Either way, I think it's all starting to make sense. Meaning, I'm starting to see her personality emerging as a whole. Doesn't make it any less challenging, but at least I might be able to start focusing on the way her personality influences her actions. And if I'm lucky, maybe start to focus on how to guide her actions based on her personality. Make sense? Good.
Basically the last 2-3 weeks has begun the "I do it!" phase. Megan has to do EVERYTHING her self. And she will let us know. And then she will smack us or run away if we try to help. From putting clothes on, to pouring juice, to putting the toothpaste on her toothbrush. You name it, "I DO IT!". She won't even let me help her with the computer these day!
Yesterday we had a very nice visit with Santa Clause. Megan said she was going to ask Santa for party hats and candy for Christmas. And sure enough when we got there, she asked for party hats (she had party hats for her birthday party back in October). This may sound weird, but we saw Santa Clause at our realators office, Edina Realty. We had also gone there for Halloween to do jumpers and get a free pumpkin. I have to say, our realtors are very nice. After arriving, they gave us a big popcorn tin, a nice fleece blanket, and a stuffed Santa for Megan.
Megan and Santa:
Megan picked out what face painting she wanted. She choose Rudolph.
Not quite sure what to think about her expression, but I'm glad I captured it.
Checking herself out in a mirror after it was all done.
In other news, Megan's Independence is hitting all new levels. I've always had this feeling she had more "independent" traits than normal kids. Positive things like never going through a separation phase when we left her places. And negative things like not listening to her parents. Either way, I think it's all starting to make sense. Meaning, I'm starting to see her personality emerging as a whole. Doesn't make it any less challenging, but at least I might be able to start focusing on the way her personality influences her actions. And if I'm lucky, maybe start to focus on how to guide her actions based on her personality. Make sense? Good.
Basically the last 2-3 weeks has begun the "I do it!" phase. Megan has to do EVERYTHING her self. And she will let us know. And then she will smack us or run away if we try to help. From putting clothes on, to pouring juice, to putting the toothpaste on her toothbrush. You name it, "I DO IT!". She won't even let me help her with the computer these day!
Yesterday we had a very nice visit with Santa Clause. Megan said she was going to ask Santa for party hats and candy for Christmas. And sure enough when we got there, she asked for party hats (she had party hats for her birthday party back in October). This may sound weird, but we saw Santa Clause at our realators office, Edina Realty. We had also gone there for Halloween to do jumpers and get a free pumpkin. I have to say, our realtors are very nice. After arriving, they gave us a big popcorn tin, a nice fleece blanket, and a stuffed Santa for Megan.
Megan and Santa:
Megan picked out what face painting she wanted. She choose Rudolph.
Not quite sure what to think about her expression, but I'm glad I captured it.
Checking herself out in a mirror after it was all done.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
To Climb a Mountain
Thank you everyone for the congrats and well wishes. Also a big congrats to Adam & Pilar! I hope you guys are both doing very well. Plenty of time for more baby news later, so back to "me" things.
I finally finished reading Why We Hate Us. It was a struggle to get through the middle section, as it got very boring and almost rant-like as the author went on and on about politics, news media, and our obsessions with fake crap (like celebrities). But in the end, he finally brought it together. Honestly though, from a pure philosophical point of view, I would have rather just read the first two chapters and the last chapter.
His final thoughts really got me thinking, which is exactly what I had hoped would happen all along. It was the reason I got the damn book, because I felt like I identified in some way with what he was trying to say. He basically said that introspection is not the path to happiness. He drew an analogy that attempting to find happiness through introspection is akin to "climbing a difficult mountain simply because you want the picture on the office wall; you either won't make it to the top or the experience will be hollow and unimportant."
That struck a nerve with me. I'm not saying it's got me doing a 180 on how I think about things, but it does have me reflecting on decisions in a different light. The other core idea he presents is authenticity, and making decisions for authentic reasons. I have often stated out loud how I hate "fake" people, but how authentic am I?
Here is the core passage that I enjoyed tonight, I just wanted to share it in it's entirety:
*Items are from Robert Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance which he quotes a lot.
I finally finished reading Why We Hate Us. It was a struggle to get through the middle section, as it got very boring and almost rant-like as the author went on and on about politics, news media, and our obsessions with fake crap (like celebrities). But in the end, he finally brought it together. Honestly though, from a pure philosophical point of view, I would have rather just read the first two chapters and the last chapter.
His final thoughts really got me thinking, which is exactly what I had hoped would happen all along. It was the reason I got the damn book, because I felt like I identified in some way with what he was trying to say. He basically said that introspection is not the path to happiness. He drew an analogy that attempting to find happiness through introspection is akin to "climbing a difficult mountain simply because you want the picture on the office wall; you either won't make it to the top or the experience will be hollow and unimportant."
That struck a nerve with me. I'm not saying it's got me doing a 180 on how I think about things, but it does have me reflecting on decisions in a different light. The other core idea he presents is authenticity, and making decisions for authentic reasons. I have often stated out loud how I hate "fake" people, but how authentic am I?
Here is the core passage that I enjoyed tonight, I just wanted to share it in it's entirety:
For our purposes, trying "to climb a mountain to prove how big you are" is similar to trying to find your true self or worldly status to solve your life's problems. This is a doomed venture not just because it is selfish but because it's looking for happiness in all the wrong places. This is frustrating because society seems to promise that you can get to the summit of Mount Self going solo. But you can't. You can only climb. So much of our well-intentioned, high-toned modern soul searching is like an internal version of striving for material success, believing that you can get to the top of Mount Happy and Healthy, displaying yourself to the world in a way that will bring instant stature, respect, and love; that acquiring something - even something "spiritual" - can be an enduring part of your happiness and worth, be it a flat-screen television, fancy job title, tattoo, gun, tenured professorship, great body, wealth, fame, blond hair, a bigger house than your neighbor's, or a well-received book. It's like the hedonistic treadmill. Someone will always have a bigger television, car, bass boat, job and house, or a better book. So "you almost never make it," as Pirsig* said. If those are the goals you seek, you will "have to prove yourself again and again in some other way, and again and again and again."* You'll worry about being exposed.
So if you want to climb Mount Authenticity, think about the climb, about making decisions for authentic reasons. Those will, in turn, be unselfish decisions. Think about climbing well and being a good climbing partner to others. Don't fixate on the summit.
*Items are from Robert Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance which he quotes a lot.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
M.I.A.
Nothing like the holidays to pull me away from any time to blog. Even now Megan is pulling at my arm and pissed that I want a few minutes to myself. I swear, last week was the longest short week I've ever had. It was like the 3 day work week that would never end. Thankfully it finally did, and I've been able to forget about work for a few days.
Thanksgiving was uneventful this year as we did our standard day of driving. First to New Ulm to Andrea's parents house for an early meal followed up with a drive back to my Mom's house for an evening meal. I decided this year to give up pie and for the most part succeeded, although I did sneak a few bites at my Mom's house because one of my aunts had made a bunch of home made pies. Normally we just have an army of Baker's Square pies.
Last night I took two of my friends out for a birthday dinner. They both have birthdays this week. It was a great visit, like it usually is. It's simply amazing how much can change in a single year (the last time we were all together). Combined, we all had some pretty major life events this year. Here's to hoping we can find more time to get together in 2009.
So speaking of change and 2009, I'm at that point where I'm thinking about the new year and things I want to change/do better/improve. Not sure where I'll end up, but I have a few ideas cooking. Some honestly too private to share, others that I'll probably post about. One way or another, I have this premonition that 2009 is going to be a very pivotal year (and not just for me).
The big news for me and 2009 is that Andrea and I are expecting our second child, due to arrive around May. I know it's kind of odd to just mention this for the first time at the end here, as opposed to an entire post devoted to the news. I'm sure those will come eventually! The important part: everyone is healthy and Andrea is doing great. She seems to be through the rougher morning sickness parts and she heard the baby's heartbeat earlier this month.
That's all for now, but expect more news in the coming weeks and of course, my yearly rambling about goals or, dare I say, my new years resolutions.
Thanksgiving was uneventful this year as we did our standard day of driving. First to New Ulm to Andrea's parents house for an early meal followed up with a drive back to my Mom's house for an evening meal. I decided this year to give up pie and for the most part succeeded, although I did sneak a few bites at my Mom's house because one of my aunts had made a bunch of home made pies. Normally we just have an army of Baker's Square pies.
Last night I took two of my friends out for a birthday dinner. They both have birthdays this week. It was a great visit, like it usually is. It's simply amazing how much can change in a single year (the last time we were all together). Combined, we all had some pretty major life events this year. Here's to hoping we can find more time to get together in 2009.
So speaking of change and 2009, I'm at that point where I'm thinking about the new year and things I want to change/do better/improve. Not sure where I'll end up, but I have a few ideas cooking. Some honestly too private to share, others that I'll probably post about. One way or another, I have this premonition that 2009 is going to be a very pivotal year (and not just for me).
The big news for me and 2009 is that Andrea and I are expecting our second child, due to arrive around May. I know it's kind of odd to just mention this for the first time at the end here, as opposed to an entire post devoted to the news. I'm sure those will come eventually! The important part: everyone is healthy and Andrea is doing great. She seems to be through the rougher morning sickness parts and she heard the baby's heartbeat earlier this month.
That's all for now, but expect more news in the coming weeks and of course, my yearly rambling about goals or, dare I say, my new years resolutions.
Friday, November 21, 2008
1am wake up call
You may recall at the beginning of the month I was mentioning having tough sleeping times at night. Well, it's 1am and I'm having another one. We went to bed around 9pm with Megan sleeping in our bed. She was having a rough night so we just decided to lay down. Fast forward to 12:30am and Andrea asked if I would move Megan down to her bed. It didn't go so well and by the end of it I was wide awake. After tossing and turning for 30 minutes, I decided to just get out of bed.
Oddly, work isn't the main thing keeping me up at this point. Oh, don't get me wrong. It's contributing no doubt. Today I stood up in front of a room full of CEOs, CIOs, CFOs, COOs, VPs, and directors (15-20 total?). Nerve wracking? Just a little bit. I survived, and now have one more life experience in my back pocket to draw from. Should I need to do it again, I'll probably do an even better job of it. Thankfully, my portion was a mere 10 minutes.
No, the thing keeping me up tonight is... drum roll... my hobby! Yes, sadly my one remaining form of entertainment, Dungeons and Dragons, is keeping me up. My mind is running through scenarios, ideas, plot lines, and all the rest. Added to that are my struggles with getting people together, and my constant thoughts of "Oh jeez, I should just give this all up." I've basically forced the guys I play with to give me more feedback that they actually enjoy playing enough to keep going. Because without that feedback, it just felt like I was forcing them to play for my own amusement.
We will be "playing" Saturday night. I put the quotes around playing, because honestly, I don't even know how much playing we will actually do. My brother won't be there, so that's one short already. Another guy is most likely working late, and hasn't got back to me with a specific time. So that leaves only 3 others... Not that we CAN'T run the session with 3 players and me, but it just makes it much more difficult. Not to mention, the whole continuity thing of "Oh and now that Neal is here, his guy magically comes walking in from around the corner."
I've also been putting together an "Adventure Website" for my own personal fun. I'd say in total, it was around 10 hours of work, so not too bad all things considered. The hardest part was finding a good starting template. I think I spent a whole hour searching google and finding something simple that I liked. The end result is sort of neat, and I thought it would be a fun way to track the adventure over time. And give the "storyline" more life, so the players could look back and review "Okay, what the heck happened 4 weeks ago at the last session?".
Shawn's crazy "I have too much time on my hands" AD&D Web site
Now I suppose, I'll try to go get some sleep. Gotta work in 4 hours!
Oddly, work isn't the main thing keeping me up at this point. Oh, don't get me wrong. It's contributing no doubt. Today I stood up in front of a room full of CEOs, CIOs, CFOs, COOs, VPs, and directors (15-20 total?). Nerve wracking? Just a little bit. I survived, and now have one more life experience in my back pocket to draw from. Should I need to do it again, I'll probably do an even better job of it. Thankfully, my portion was a mere 10 minutes.
No, the thing keeping me up tonight is... drum roll... my hobby! Yes, sadly my one remaining form of entertainment, Dungeons and Dragons, is keeping me up. My mind is running through scenarios, ideas, plot lines, and all the rest. Added to that are my struggles with getting people together, and my constant thoughts of "Oh jeez, I should just give this all up." I've basically forced the guys I play with to give me more feedback that they actually enjoy playing enough to keep going. Because without that feedback, it just felt like I was forcing them to play for my own amusement.
We will be "playing" Saturday night. I put the quotes around playing, because honestly, I don't even know how much playing we will actually do. My brother won't be there, so that's one short already. Another guy is most likely working late, and hasn't got back to me with a specific time. So that leaves only 3 others... Not that we CAN'T run the session with 3 players and me, but it just makes it much more difficult. Not to mention, the whole continuity thing of "Oh and now that Neal is here, his guy magically comes walking in from around the corner."
I've also been putting together an "Adventure Website" for my own personal fun. I'd say in total, it was around 10 hours of work, so not too bad all things considered. The hardest part was finding a good starting template. I think I spent a whole hour searching google and finding something simple that I liked. The end result is sort of neat, and I thought it would be a fun way to track the adventure over time. And give the "storyline" more life, so the players could look back and review "Okay, what the heck happened 4 weeks ago at the last session?".
Shawn's crazy "I have too much time on my hands" AD&D Web site
Now I suppose, I'll try to go get some sleep. Gotta work in 4 hours!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Why I Need a Life
Okay maybe "life" is a bit much. More like, "why I need other things in my life besides work". That was just too long for a blog title. Work has been dragging on me lately. 10 hour days, end of the year type of crap, new stuff going out soon, etc. Same story really, only this time, it's almost anti climactic. I'm just too jaded.
I had this long post made up, and at the last minute decided it was just too much about work. Call me paranoid I guess. You hear about the whole "Oh my gawd, don't blog about work or you will get fired" crap. I guess I buy into that. It's sad really, because it's a pretty funny story. If you ever talk to me in person sometime, have me tell you the "The 50,000th bug" story.
I ran into my old physics teacher at the gym last night. It was fun seeing him, I suppose he was surprised I remembered his full name. He said he remembered me, although I just assumed he was being nice. But then again, if there was any teacher I had that would actually be able to remember students from 14 years ago, it would be Mr. Michels. We chatted for a bit, and I told him how over the years I always love to tell people the model rocket story.
The model rocket experiment involved launching a rocket and determining the height it reached using a known distance on the ground and a measured angle. Simple trigonometry. I had my normal rocket for the experiment, and also one of the smallest rockets you could buy, typically called "The Mosquito". I painted it all black, because that was cool. This rocket could only fit the smallest possible engine, size A.
After the experiment, I launched my Mosquito. It basically disappeared the moment it launched. It was too small to follow... Well, that was fun. Later on, someone ended up finding it in the field and brought it back to me. Mr. Michels had an idea. Let's tape the largest possible engine (size D) around it and then launch it! Hell ya, that sounds like a great idea!
The result? Just a little too much engine. It launched so fast, it got stuck on the wire of the launch pad, which fell over, and then shot straight off along the ground into some nearby woods. Mr. Michels looked around, and goes: "Don't tell anyone about that!"
When I mentioned to him that I loved to tell that story, he said that he still tells it in his classroom too! I'm sure his version is a little toned down, but it was fun to hear him say that. He also said that they had a new group simply called "The Rockets". They have competitions where they have to launch a rocket with an egg and altimeter inside, and reach an exact height of 750 feet. Then the rocket has to land within 45 seconds. Apparently the AVHS team has made it to nationals 4 times.
Googled up some links:
AVHS Rocket Team
Rocket Team seeks rarified air of national title (Sept 2007)
I had this long post made up, and at the last minute decided it was just too much about work. Call me paranoid I guess. You hear about the whole "Oh my gawd, don't blog about work or you will get fired" crap. I guess I buy into that. It's sad really, because it's a pretty funny story. If you ever talk to me in person sometime, have me tell you the "The 50,000th bug" story.
I ran into my old physics teacher at the gym last night. It was fun seeing him, I suppose he was surprised I remembered his full name. He said he remembered me, although I just assumed he was being nice. But then again, if there was any teacher I had that would actually be able to remember students from 14 years ago, it would be Mr. Michels. We chatted for a bit, and I told him how over the years I always love to tell people the model rocket story.
The model rocket experiment involved launching a rocket and determining the height it reached using a known distance on the ground and a measured angle. Simple trigonometry. I had my normal rocket for the experiment, and also one of the smallest rockets you could buy, typically called "The Mosquito". I painted it all black, because that was cool. This rocket could only fit the smallest possible engine, size A.
After the experiment, I launched my Mosquito. It basically disappeared the moment it launched. It was too small to follow... Well, that was fun. Later on, someone ended up finding it in the field and brought it back to me. Mr. Michels had an idea. Let's tape the largest possible engine (size D) around it and then launch it! Hell ya, that sounds like a great idea!
The result? Just a little too much engine. It launched so fast, it got stuck on the wire of the launch pad, which fell over, and then shot straight off along the ground into some nearby woods. Mr. Michels looked around, and goes: "Don't tell anyone about that!"
When I mentioned to him that I loved to tell that story, he said that he still tells it in his classroom too! I'm sure his version is a little toned down, but it was fun to hear him say that. He also said that they had a new group simply called "The Rockets". They have competitions where they have to launch a rocket with an egg and altimeter inside, and reach an exact height of 750 feet. Then the rocket has to land within 45 seconds. Apparently the AVHS team has made it to nationals 4 times.
Googled up some links:
AVHS Rocket Team
Rocket Team seeks rarified air of national title (Sept 2007)
Monday, November 10, 2008
Hold on Tight
It's 11:11pm and I should be sleeping. But work is no fun, and I'd rather blog a response to Scooter, about this book I'm reading. A small part of me wonders if I'm just intellectually starved. Like when you eat that first bite of cottage cheese after a 10 mile run. Cottage cheese tastes "okay" by itself, but after a long run without breakfast? It tastes DIVINE!
I agree that we are better off than before. The point Meyers was trying to make is that our material well-being, health, and safety aren't proportionate to our psychic or emotional well-being. That's the part that I agreed with, and have tried to touch on in the past in my whiny sort of way. (then Keara comes in and tells me to count my blessings)
So now we are right back to the same question about happiness. How can one be unhappy given all the blessings mentioned above? (material well-being, health, and safety) And this author, in a long, drawn out, round about way tries to tackle that question. Not directly, but with small tid-bits here and there that I'm slowly trying to digest.
Sadly, the books focus is not a question on happiness, but of why Americans are discontent (his main beef it seems, is with media). Still, I find myself connecting to a lot of different things he has to say, especially a section on "Broadband Babies", referring to those born after the turn of the century, in the range of the 2020 college grads. It's hard not to think about that part in context of Megan, growing up in this age.
The problem with the book is that it is seriously ALL over the place. It's like a long stream of consciousness with not enough organization. It's an enjoyable read, but an odd mix of deep philosophical concepts with light anecdotal stories. But when he starts quoting my favorite philosopher (Søren Kierkegaard), I can't help but read on.
I agree that we are better off than before. The point Meyers was trying to make is that our material well-being, health, and safety aren't proportionate to our psychic or emotional well-being. That's the part that I agreed with, and have tried to touch on in the past in my whiny sort of way. (then Keara comes in and tells me to count my blessings)
So now we are right back to the same question about happiness. How can one be unhappy given all the blessings mentioned above? (material well-being, health, and safety) And this author, in a long, drawn out, round about way tries to tackle that question. Not directly, but with small tid-bits here and there that I'm slowly trying to digest.
Sadly, the books focus is not a question on happiness, but of why Americans are discontent (his main beef it seems, is with media). Still, I find myself connecting to a lot of different things he has to say, especially a section on "Broadband Babies", referring to those born after the turn of the century, in the range of the 2020 college grads. It's hard not to think about that part in context of Megan, growing up in this age.
The problem with the book is that it is seriously ALL over the place. It's like a long stream of consciousness with not enough organization. It's an enjoyable read, but an odd mix of deep philosophical concepts with light anecdotal stories. But when he starts quoting my favorite philosopher (Søren Kierkegaard), I can't help but read on.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Truthiness
The other day, I was reading one of Andrea's magazines. I couldn't tell you the name of it without going upstairs to check it. The Week maybe? The important part is that somewhere in the magazine, I read the following quote from Mark Twain, which I think I've read before:
I then read an interesting story at the end of the magazine, which ended up being an excerpt from a book. Combined with the quote above, I decided to get my hands on this book: Why We Hate Us. Luckily, it was readily available at the Library.
In the second page of the preface, the author states, "I make no claims to originality..." A man after my own heart! I was hooked. About every other page of this book has some thought or idea I'd love to take and make a blog post about. (and in some small ways, have tried to)
Needless to say, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what Dick Meyer has to say about American culture, values, and why we hate us. I even agree with how he clearly states look, there are tons of people so bad off in society they don't have the luxury of the kinds of things I think (worry?) about. As he puts it, "They can't afford to indulge in social self-loathing."
But I can. And for no other reason then why a dog licks himself.
At one point, he quotes the book The Progress Paradox which basically states how all measurements of typical "standard of living" have increased since the end of World War II. "... just about every objective indicator of social welfare has trended upward on a pretty much uninterrupted basis for two generations."
What's the opposite of that? Just this:
Am I looking to a very specific place to find validation of my own beliefs and thoughts about what happiness means? Maybe... But maybe that's exactly what *I* needed to be happier. Just confirmation that other people out there believe what I do. That see the fake, bullshit, and materialistic aspects of our culture for what they are. And that it's okay to hate the system you are part of.
On the last page of the preface, he also states, "I don't have answers." That sums it up right there. I never said I had answers either, or did I ever think there were any. But not having any answers shouldn't stop one from asking the questions or engaging in intellectual discourse about the things that, quite frankly, "make me hate us."
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
I then read an interesting story at the end of the magazine, which ended up being an excerpt from a book. Combined with the quote above, I decided to get my hands on this book: Why We Hate Us. Luckily, it was readily available at the Library.
In the second page of the preface, the author states, "I make no claims to originality..." A man after my own heart! I was hooked. About every other page of this book has some thought or idea I'd love to take and make a blog post about. (and in some small ways, have tried to)
Needless to say, I find myself agreeing with a lot of what Dick Meyer has to say about American culture, values, and why we hate us. I even agree with how he clearly states look, there are tons of people so bad off in society they don't have the luxury of the kinds of things I think (worry?) about. As he puts it, "They can't afford to indulge in social self-loathing."
But I can. And for no other reason then why a dog licks himself.
At one point, he quotes the book The Progress Paradox which basically states how all measurements of typical "standard of living" have increased since the end of World War II. "... just about every objective indicator of social welfare has trended upward on a pretty much uninterrupted basis for two generations."
What's the opposite of that? Just this:
But graphs would lose their skyward direction when the topics turn to the inner self. The trend line for happiness has been flat for fifty years. The trend line is negative for the number of people who consider themselves "very happy," that percentage gradually declining since the 1940s.
Am I looking to a very specific place to find validation of my own beliefs and thoughts about what happiness means? Maybe... But maybe that's exactly what *I* needed to be happier. Just confirmation that other people out there believe what I do. That see the fake, bullshit, and materialistic aspects of our culture for what they are. And that it's okay to hate the system you are part of.
On the last page of the preface, he also states, "I don't have answers." That sums it up right there. I never said I had answers either, or did I ever think there were any. But not having any answers shouldn't stop one from asking the questions or engaging in intellectual discourse about the things that, quite frankly, "make me hate us."
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Sure Happy It's Thursday
Note: Blog title last used Thursday, March 02, 2006
Just to prove my unoriginality, I even copy from myself. Neat huh? Apparently that is the first time I had ever posted about work... weird. One of the things about work is that you can typically drone on for long periods of time, discussing in vague terms problems, struggles, communication issues, things that aren't being done well by management, etc. But the truth is, all that stuff is just bull shit rambling about things that have no meaning. (something I excel at)
In the 10 plus years that I've worked at the bottom of the ladder in my cube farm, the reality I've come to see is this: the people at the bottom doing all the work don't have enough power to make any decent change and the people at the top making all the decisions don't understand enough about how things really are to make good decisions.
In the end, people seem to just float along, some causing positive waves, some causing negative waves, but for the most part, just going along for the ride. And in the end, hoping that the ship doesn't sink so they can keep getting a paycheck. It isn't that people don't want to do a "good job" or "work hard", it's just that when the ship is so large, doing anything to change the course is pretty much impossible.
The cool part about being at the bottom of the ladder is this: if an iceberg is coming, you are usually the first one to see it way before anyone else. Not that I see any on the horizon right now, but I have my predictions. And in my experience, my predictions tend to turn out correct more often than I would like.
Just to prove my unoriginality, I even copy from myself. Neat huh? Apparently that is the first time I had ever posted about work... weird. One of the things about work is that you can typically drone on for long periods of time, discussing in vague terms problems, struggles, communication issues, things that aren't being done well by management, etc. But the truth is, all that stuff is just bull shit rambling about things that have no meaning. (something I excel at)
In the 10 plus years that I've worked at the bottom of the ladder in my cube farm, the reality I've come to see is this: the people at the bottom doing all the work don't have enough power to make any decent change and the people at the top making all the decisions don't understand enough about how things really are to make good decisions.
In the end, people seem to just float along, some causing positive waves, some causing negative waves, but for the most part, just going along for the ride. And in the end, hoping that the ship doesn't sink so they can keep getting a paycheck. It isn't that people don't want to do a "good job" or "work hard", it's just that when the ship is so large, doing anything to change the course is pretty much impossible.
The cool part about being at the bottom of the ladder is this: if an iceberg is coming, you are usually the first one to see it way before anyone else. Not that I see any on the horizon right now, but I have my predictions. And in my experience, my predictions tend to turn out correct more often than I would like.
Monday, November 03, 2008
Case of the... oh who am I kidding
The weather today erased any Monday blahs. I couldn't BELIEVE how nice it was outside for another late season outdoor run. I also got out on Sunday at the last minute. I drove ALL the way to the gym before even realizing how nice out it was, and changing my indoor plans to outdoor. 3 days and 24 miles later...
It's amazing how my brain works. I had my standard "wake up at 2am for no reason" again last night, only this time it was different. For starters, it was Sunday, so by this time I had forgotten about any lingering problems/issues/lame crap at work. Added to that was the fact that we had made our decisions about our refinancing. End result? The 2am wake up was just a blip, as I drifted back to sleep almost immediately. Ahhhh was it nice.
I didn't post anything about Halloween yet, but we had a lot of fun Friday night. We made plans to go around with our neighbors, and their kids. Andrea was working with Megan part of the day, going over what we would do. Mainly we just wanted her to focus on saying the Trick or Treat and Thank you's. The first picture is actually from the previous weekend, when Megan was at my Mom's house on Saturday night. She wanted me to share that... The one after is the night of Halloween.
The night started out quite funny, because our neighbors arrived and lo and behold... Their daughter was also a Unicorn! We hadn't talked at all about what our kids were going to dress up as, so it was a surprise to everyone to see the girls dressed the same. Too funny!
The weather was great, the kids had a great time, Megan did well for the most part. She got tired eventually, which was understandable. That costume she had was very warm and heavy. I overdosed heavily on candy all weekend, but what else is new. There is a reason I don't buy candy, cause I can't stop eating it.
Well that's all for now. If I want to get more than 1 post up a week, I can't go on forever. Gotta save something to drone on about later this week.
It's amazing how my brain works. I had my standard "wake up at 2am for no reason" again last night, only this time it was different. For starters, it was Sunday, so by this time I had forgotten about any lingering problems/issues/lame crap at work. Added to that was the fact that we had made our decisions about our refinancing. End result? The 2am wake up was just a blip, as I drifted back to sleep almost immediately. Ahhhh was it nice.
I didn't post anything about Halloween yet, but we had a lot of fun Friday night. We made plans to go around with our neighbors, and their kids. Andrea was working with Megan part of the day, going over what we would do. Mainly we just wanted her to focus on saying the Trick or Treat and Thank you's. The first picture is actually from the previous weekend, when Megan was at my Mom's house on Saturday night. She wanted me to share that... The one after is the night of Halloween.
The night started out quite funny, because our neighbors arrived and lo and behold... Their daughter was also a Unicorn! We hadn't talked at all about what our kids were going to dress up as, so it was a surprise to everyone to see the girls dressed the same. Too funny!
The weather was great, the kids had a great time, Megan did well for the most part. She got tired eventually, which was understandable. That costume she had was very warm and heavy. I overdosed heavily on candy all weekend, but what else is new. There is a reason I don't buy candy, cause I can't stop eating it.
Well that's all for now. If I want to get more than 1 post up a week, I can't go on forever. Gotta save something to drone on about later this week.
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Can't Sleep, Clowns Will Eat Me
Did you know that phrase originated from the Simpsons? Me either... This whole only blogging on Saturday crap has to end soon. I'll see what I can do about that, and try my best to get more crazy thoughts up during the week as well.
Turns out Andrea and I both couldn't sleep from 2am-4am this morning. We've both had trouble sleeping lately, from the Megan coming into the bedroom incidents, to stress, to everything else in between. Usually for me during the week I wake up and start thinking about work and CANNOT SHUT OFF MY BRAIN. Eventually I just have to use, I guess what you might call, focusing exercises. I have to basically concentrate on thinking about nothing. Trust me, it's not fun.
Last night for my 2am tossing and turning, I got into my usual thinking (worrying?) about the future, finances, work, and all that. You see, Andrea and I are on the brink of refinancing. We locked in a very decent rate of 5.875% on a 30 year fixed, along with a secondary interest only loan at U.S. Prime+1. That means the secondary will start (and have a floor) of 5%, due to recent cuts that have the current U.S. Prime at 4%. Needless to say, it's a decent set of loans.
The bad news, and the part that makes the decision harder is that we had the official appraisal, and it wasn't pretty. Our home value came back at $1,000 more than we paid for it. That's it. 0.13% value increase over 4 years! I'm trying to look at it in a positive way, and think, we'll at least in this worst period of home value, my home was able to maintain?
Overall, any refinance has associated fees and taxes, so there will be some costs associated with it, which in effect, cause us to "take a step back" in terms of overall loan debt. And with the home value what it is, our second mortgage is not going to go away any time soon, which was the whole goal of the refinancing to a 30 year fixed. (only have 1 mortgage) So if we go through with this refinance... it's going to have obvious long term implications. But not refinancing now could lead to even worse situations in 3 years, when our 7/1 ARM expires.
Hands down, the biggest impact is this: If we go forward with this refinance, we are basically in effect saying, Yes, we are going to live in this house for the next 5 years at a minimum. I have no doubts that we can make that work, and that ultimately, it is probably the better decision right now in our life (to stay put). And the truth is, back when all the home market shit hit the fan, I knew right then I would be unable to move for a long time. So it's not like this is some big surprise.
Now, if only gas could stay at $2.06 for the next 5-10 years... Maybe the commute wouldn't hurt so bad.
Turns out Andrea and I both couldn't sleep from 2am-4am this morning. We've both had trouble sleeping lately, from the Megan coming into the bedroom incidents, to stress, to everything else in between. Usually for me during the week I wake up and start thinking about work and CANNOT SHUT OFF MY BRAIN. Eventually I just have to use, I guess what you might call, focusing exercises. I have to basically concentrate on thinking about nothing. Trust me, it's not fun.
Last night for my 2am tossing and turning, I got into my usual thinking (worrying?) about the future, finances, work, and all that. You see, Andrea and I are on the brink of refinancing. We locked in a very decent rate of 5.875% on a 30 year fixed, along with a secondary interest only loan at U.S. Prime+1. That means the secondary will start (and have a floor) of 5%, due to recent cuts that have the current U.S. Prime at 4%. Needless to say, it's a decent set of loans.
The bad news, and the part that makes the decision harder is that we had the official appraisal, and it wasn't pretty. Our home value came back at $1,000 more than we paid for it. That's it. 0.13% value increase over 4 years! I'm trying to look at it in a positive way, and think, we'll at least in this worst period of home value, my home was able to maintain?
Overall, any refinance has associated fees and taxes, so there will be some costs associated with it, which in effect, cause us to "take a step back" in terms of overall loan debt. And with the home value what it is, our second mortgage is not going to go away any time soon, which was the whole goal of the refinancing to a 30 year fixed. (only have 1 mortgage) So if we go through with this refinance... it's going to have obvious long term implications. But not refinancing now could lead to even worse situations in 3 years, when our 7/1 ARM expires.
Hands down, the biggest impact is this: If we go forward with this refinance, we are basically in effect saying, Yes, we are going to live in this house for the next 5 years at a minimum. I have no doubts that we can make that work, and that ultimately, it is probably the better decision right now in our life (to stay put). And the truth is, back when all the home market shit hit the fan, I knew right then I would be unable to move for a long time. So it's not like this is some big surprise.
Now, if only gas could stay at $2.06 for the next 5-10 years... Maybe the commute wouldn't hurt so bad.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Poor Me, No Blogs
I meant to get another post up this week, so I didn't end up posting about running twice in a row. Sadly, the week just got away from me and I couldn't find the time. Where did my time go?
Sunday I saw Max Payne with my bro, which was enjoyable. Not a super awesome movie, but fun, and it made me want to install the games again (which I did). I actually had to make a choice tonight between blogging and playing Max Payne, and I decided to go with blogging. It's midnight, so maybe I can still squeeze in some video games too.
The rest of the week was filled in with the usual. Running on Monday and Tuesday night. Wed night I exchanged some jeans I bought on Sunday for a different size. Thursday night I had roleplaying. And then Friday we did something fun as a family, and went to the Rainforest Cafe in the MOA.
That pretty much brings us up to date with today, where this morning I ran quite the half marathon. The odds were slightly stacked against me, considering I have a bad cold. But 1:36:38 later, I ran the race exactly as I wanted, at a whopping 7:14 average pace. I can honestly say it was my strongest run of the year, and I was ecstatic about my time. The best part? No pain, no injuries, nada! I could run again tomorrow if I wanted to (which I don't!).
So there it is. Personal record #6 for the year. Did I mention I finished 56th out of 1018 people? I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one.
To finish up the weekend, we had a wedding tonight. My long time high school friend & running buddy finally tied the knot. Grandma Gayle watched Megan overnight and we enjoyed a solo evening. The service was just wonderful, at a church in Burnsville, and the reception was at the MN Zoo! Talk about convenience... It made for a great night just bouncing around from place to place so quickly.
And now... off to play some Max Payne.
Sunday I saw Max Payne with my bro, which was enjoyable. Not a super awesome movie, but fun, and it made me want to install the games again (which I did). I actually had to make a choice tonight between blogging and playing Max Payne, and I decided to go with blogging. It's midnight, so maybe I can still squeeze in some video games too.
The rest of the week was filled in with the usual. Running on Monday and Tuesday night. Wed night I exchanged some jeans I bought on Sunday for a different size. Thursday night I had roleplaying. And then Friday we did something fun as a family, and went to the Rainforest Cafe in the MOA.
That pretty much brings us up to date with today, where this morning I ran quite the half marathon. The odds were slightly stacked against me, considering I have a bad cold. But 1:36:38 later, I ran the race exactly as I wanted, at a whopping 7:14 average pace. I can honestly say it was my strongest run of the year, and I was ecstatic about my time. The best part? No pain, no injuries, nada! I could run again tomorrow if I wanted to (which I don't!).
So there it is. Personal record #6 for the year. Did I mention I finished 56th out of 1018 people? I'm still trying to wrap my head around that one.
To finish up the weekend, we had a wedding tonight. My long time high school friend & running buddy finally tied the knot. Grandma Gayle watched Megan overnight and we enjoyed a solo evening. The service was just wonderful, at a church in Burnsville, and the reception was at the MN Zoo! Talk about convenience... It made for a great night just bouncing around from place to place so quickly.
And now... off to play some Max Payne.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Personal Records
10 hours of sleeping, that's a personal record! I haven't slept in for quite awhile since the last few weekends I've been getting up early for morning runs. But with the mornings now being 30 degrees, that's not happening. Odd thing is, Megan has been giving up her naps lately and she is STILL sleeping in.
The rest of this blog is going to be somewhat of a brag fest, so if you're not on board, might as well just stop reading now. This year of running has been good for me. If you had asked me at the start of the year if I could do some of the distances and paces I've accomplished this year, I would have laughed, but sure enough... I hit a lot personal records this year, including 5 "offical" race personal records and a personal distance record. Here are my records for the year:
The reason I mention these is because I have one last race coming up in a week, next Saturday. It's a half marathon and I'm thinking about trying to squeeze one more PR out of this year. I'm setting a goal of 96 minutes, which translates to a 7:20 pace. So basically, I'm going to attempt to run the half marathon at roughly a 10k pace.
That's rough... and there is big potential that I could hurt myself trying this but I want to give it a shot. I've been speed training a lot this last 2 months, which is in part why I got the recent injury. (I was coming off a speed run the previous day). Thursday of this week I did another speed test to see how my leg would hold out, and although there was no pain, around mile 5 I could feel the initial tightness so I slowed it down a bit. Ran last night with no lasting effects, so hopefully it will be ready for race day.
The thing I'm wondering is if perhaps this year has seen the peak of my running and it's all going to be down hill from here (pun intended).
Here are the details from Thursdays run. As you can see, I only hit my "goal" pace of 7:20 two times during the run. First at mile 5 where I felt GREAT at first, then slowed down, then again at the end of the run. The red line indicates the pace I'm going to try for... for 13.1 miles.
The rest of this blog is going to be somewhat of a brag fest, so if you're not on board, might as well just stop reading now. This year of running has been good for me. If you had asked me at the start of the year if I could do some of the distances and paces I've accomplished this year, I would have laughed, but sure enough... I hit a lot personal records this year, including 5 "offical" race personal records and a personal distance record. Here are my records for the year:
| Distance | Time | Pace | Date |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 m | 5:51 | 5:51 | New distance |
| 6.2 m (10k) | 45:32 | 7:21 | April 26th |
| 6.2 m (10k) | 45:11 | 7:17 | July 26th |
| 13.1 m (half) | 1:38:15 | 7:30 | June 7th |
| 15.5 m (25k) | 2:08:06 | 8:16 | New distance |
The reason I mention these is because I have one last race coming up in a week, next Saturday. It's a half marathon and I'm thinking about trying to squeeze one more PR out of this year. I'm setting a goal of 96 minutes, which translates to a 7:20 pace. So basically, I'm going to attempt to run the half marathon at roughly a 10k pace.
That's rough... and there is big potential that I could hurt myself trying this but I want to give it a shot. I've been speed training a lot this last 2 months, which is in part why I got the recent injury. (I was coming off a speed run the previous day). Thursday of this week I did another speed test to see how my leg would hold out, and although there was no pain, around mile 5 I could feel the initial tightness so I slowed it down a bit. Ran last night with no lasting effects, so hopefully it will be ready for race day.
The thing I'm wondering is if perhaps this year has seen the peak of my running and it's all going to be down hill from here (pun intended).
Here are the details from Thursdays run. As you can see, I only hit my "goal" pace of 7:20 two times during the run. First at mile 5 where I felt GREAT at first, then slowed down, then again at the end of the run. The red line indicates the pace I'm going to try for... for 13.1 miles.
Monday, October 13, 2008
3 Come and Gone
It's weird how little time I spend on the computer now. Okay, let me clarify and define "now" as the last week or so. Basically I can't be on the computer when Megan is up, because it just leads to a fight between her and I about the fact that I don't want her on the computer, or she can't watch Panda (of the Kung Fu variety), Turtles (TMNT), or Mermaid (Little Mermaid). Point being, it's tough to find time to blog. It happens in between naps or after she has gone to sleep but I somehow manage to not have fallen asleep with her (like now for example).
Megan turned 3 on Thursday of last week, and we had a small birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The highlight of the week was when she went from saying "Happy day" to "Happy birthday!" to "Happy Birthday Megan!" It was a very exciting time for us. Her birthday party was great, and she was excited to see everyone and get all the presents. Thank you everyone for all the wonderful gifts!!
Tonight we had pre-school "conferences". They were... interesting I guess. It's hard to put into words, but it felt like the teachers were way too nice and just trying too hard not to offend. I think the best way to describe it is that Andrea and I are not on the same page with the ECFE folks regarding where Megan is at and where we think Megan can, could, and will be at in the coming months. In other words, it just made it clear to me what Andrea has known for quite awhile - we are Megan's best bet, her best teachers, and her best chance at being fully caught up in the next year (which we both feel is a totally possible goal).
In other news, I'm back into my normal running routine with no pains or residual effects of my recent injury, so I've been happy about that. Now I have to decide how I'm going to get through this winter: Indoor or Outdoor? Weight training or no weight training? It's tough to give up the time running, so at this point if I can't decide anything soon I'll probably just default to standard indoor running all winter.
Megan turned 3 on Thursday of last week, and we had a small birthday party on Saturday afternoon. The highlight of the week was when she went from saying "Happy day" to "Happy birthday!" to "Happy Birthday Megan!" It was a very exciting time for us. Her birthday party was great, and she was excited to see everyone and get all the presents. Thank you everyone for all the wonderful gifts!!
Tonight we had pre-school "conferences". They were... interesting I guess. It's hard to put into words, but it felt like the teachers were way too nice and just trying too hard not to offend. I think the best way to describe it is that Andrea and I are not on the same page with the ECFE folks regarding where Megan is at and where we think Megan can, could, and will be at in the coming months. In other words, it just made it clear to me what Andrea has known for quite awhile - we are Megan's best bet, her best teachers, and her best chance at being fully caught up in the next year (which we both feel is a totally possible goal).
In other news, I'm back into my normal running routine with no pains or residual effects of my recent injury, so I've been happy about that. Now I have to decide how I'm going to get through this winter: Indoor or Outdoor? Weight training or no weight training? It's tough to give up the time running, so at this point if I can't decide anything soon I'll probably just default to standard indoor running all winter.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Dance-A-Palooza
I've already been on the computer too long, updating my running information. I haven't had time to post, but last Saturday I suffered a pretty bad injury. While doing a longer weekend run, I got what I assume is a typical overuse muscle strain in my inner upper thigh. If I had to guess, it's a sartorius strain. After 2 days rest, I've done 2 more light runs with no pain, but I can tell pushing much past 5-6 miles would aggravate it. For now, I'll keep up light runs and see how it goes. Maybe this winter will finally bring me to weight lifting as an alternative.
Okay so enough about my lameness, let's get on to the real purpose of this post. The other night, Megan did the most adorable series of dances for us, that I was able to capture all on tape. For your viewing pleasure, I present, Megan's Dance-A-Palooza!!
First, we start of dancing with the pudding...
And we move on to some solo dancing...
More moves, wait, we need a dancing partner?
Get down with those panda moves!
And now to thank the wonderful dancing partner.
Okay so enough about my lameness, let's get on to the real purpose of this post. The other night, Megan did the most adorable series of dances for us, that I was able to capture all on tape. For your viewing pleasure, I present, Megan's Dance-A-Palooza!!
First, we start of dancing with the pudding...
And we move on to some solo dancing...
More moves, wait, we need a dancing partner?
Get down with those panda moves!
And now to thank the wonderful dancing partner.
Sunday, October 05, 2008
Blog in 20
Can I get a blog post up in under 20 minutes? Ready... GO!
So this week flew by, as did the weekend despite the fact that we didn't have anything planned at all. The biggest news for me was a semi painful running injury I got on Saturday. I finally pushed myself too hard, and have just put in too many miles over the past month and it caught up to me. It's only a muscle injury so nothing serious, and I should be back out there after a few days rest.
Rented Iron Man over the weekend and watched it in two parts over on my TV at Mom's house (I've seen it, Andrea hadn't). Saturday night was a spaghetti dinner to help prep John for his marathon run this morning. Felt bad for all the rain, but I bet the marathoners didn't mind. Grats to all that ran this year.
In other news, Megan's sleeping habits are going from not so good, to bad, to worse. Not quite sure what the deal is or how to steer her back on course. I suppose I haven't mentioned much about this area at all... To get people back up to speed, here is a quick run down.
Megan is back to having a hard time falling asleep on her own. She has also taken to coming up to sleep in our bed most nights, somewhere between midnight and 4am. Some nights it's no big deal, she climbs in and goes to sleep. I understand it's a phase most kids go through, I did, Andrea did, all other parents I talk to mention similar stories. So no big deal right?
The problem is it's starting to get worse at bed time, Megan demanding things or crying if she doesn't get her way. My guess is I just need to put my foot down and be more firm and consistent (isn't that always the case?). I'm too much of a push over / cave in-er. Well damnit, not anymore!!
And... blog done. 11 minutes. Not bad!
So this week flew by, as did the weekend despite the fact that we didn't have anything planned at all. The biggest news for me was a semi painful running injury I got on Saturday. I finally pushed myself too hard, and have just put in too many miles over the past month and it caught up to me. It's only a muscle injury so nothing serious, and I should be back out there after a few days rest.
Rented Iron Man over the weekend and watched it in two parts over on my TV at Mom's house (I've seen it, Andrea hadn't). Saturday night was a spaghetti dinner to help prep John for his marathon run this morning. Felt bad for all the rain, but I bet the marathoners didn't mind. Grats to all that ran this year.
In other news, Megan's sleeping habits are going from not so good, to bad, to worse. Not quite sure what the deal is or how to steer her back on course. I suppose I haven't mentioned much about this area at all... To get people back up to speed, here is a quick run down.
Megan is back to having a hard time falling asleep on her own. She has also taken to coming up to sleep in our bed most nights, somewhere between midnight and 4am. Some nights it's no big deal, she climbs in and goes to sleep. I understand it's a phase most kids go through, I did, Andrea did, all other parents I talk to mention similar stories. So no big deal right?
The problem is it's starting to get worse at bed time, Megan demanding things or crying if she doesn't get her way. My guess is I just need to put my foot down and be more firm and consistent (isn't that always the case?). I'm too much of a push over / cave in-er. Well damnit, not anymore!!
And... blog done. 11 minutes. Not bad!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Good with Bad
Megan is currently sleeping on the couch next to me, recovering from a rough night and an even rougher visit with the doctor this morning. Somehow, she developed a bad ear infection over night, just like that! No cold symptoms, no coughing, or other signs. Just straight up, BAM ear infection. She fell asleep early last night, around 6:30 and we thought it was just because of a skipped nap. Little did we know...
That's the bad. The good news is that prior to the onset of this ear infection, yesterday Megan and I went on a crazy adventure to the Renaissance Festival! It was a last minute split decision, and I figured if it didn't go well, who cared. End result? Megan had a great time, and it went about as good as I could hope for. (i.e. she didn't break any $100 hand made glass statues).
As we first entered the "castle", we were greated by a fairy. She gave Megan a magical stone which I promptly put away for later.
From there we walked around for a bit, visited a petting zoo, and then Megan got to not only see a live elephant for the first time, but ride it as well! View from an elephant:
And:
Then we stopped for lunch, Megan LOVED the corn dog. We also had a rice crispy dessert and a blue slushy on the way out.
Then we did some more shopping. Megan got a pet dragon (not shown) which she named "Shrek". And this pretty crown:
Finally we visited the "Children's Realm" which was... not all that, but Megan did get to make her own magic wand.
We walked around for just a little bit more, and even though Megan was in a good mood (mostly riding on my shoulders), I could tell she was about ready to go.
So we grabbed the aformentioned blue slushy and headed out to the car. The morning fun must have been enough for my sleeping beauty. (or the ear infection was kicking in, one or the other).
That's the bad. The good news is that prior to the onset of this ear infection, yesterday Megan and I went on a crazy adventure to the Renaissance Festival! It was a last minute split decision, and I figured if it didn't go well, who cared. End result? Megan had a great time, and it went about as good as I could hope for. (i.e. she didn't break any $100 hand made glass statues).
As we first entered the "castle", we were greated by a fairy. She gave Megan a magical stone which I promptly put away for later.
From there we walked around for a bit, visited a petting zoo, and then Megan got to not only see a live elephant for the first time, but ride it as well! View from an elephant:
And:
Then we stopped for lunch, Megan LOVED the corn dog. We also had a rice crispy dessert and a blue slushy on the way out.
Then we did some more shopping. Megan got a pet dragon (not shown) which she named "Shrek". And this pretty crown:
Finally we visited the "Children's Realm" which was... not all that, but Megan did get to make her own magic wand.
We walked around for just a little bit more, and even though Megan was in a good mood (mostly riding on my shoulders), I could tell she was about ready to go.
So we grabbed the aformentioned blue slushy and headed out to the car. The morning fun must have been enough for my sleeping beauty. (or the ear infection was kicking in, one or the other).
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Get over it, go out with someone else
I'm starting to understand the problem with my blog. It presents a single side of me. The side that doesn't get much play in the "real world". It's interpreted as negativity, but in reality, they are just my thoughts on life. I'm a brooder. I'm a questioner. It's just who I am, and in a lot of ways, it's something I enjoy. Telling me to "get over it" is akin to asking me to "stop asking questions with no answers." What fun is there in that?
Keara is of course right. Most people define thier standard of living (Y) as just whatever they make (Z) minus how much it costs to live (X). For some people, that result is often negative, whether by choice or by circumstance. The CEO making $250,000 a year but living way out of his means and up to his eye balls in debt or the single Mom working two jobs just to support her family. Point being, I realize the reality of my situation. My brother once said to me, "You have everything I want!" It was one of the hardest things to hear, wishing nothing but the same for him.
But my arguement isn't flawed. It was attempting to describe an ideal. That's why I said, "Ideally, X+Y=Z". But we all know in reality, that isn't the case. So the question is, how can each person work towards the ideal? Or in my case, feeling like I am already close to the ideal, how can I squeeze even more out of the marrow of life? I'd say that there is nothing wrong with constantly challenging yourself no matter what your situation might be. And ya, of course I realize how nice my situation is, that it even affords me the time to ponder shit that doesn't matter.
Maybe I could state my argument a different way, based on a different set of assumptions, that would make it seem much less flawed.
First assumption: We all have a finite amount of time in life (X).
Second assumption: Most people end up having to spend some amount of time doing things they'd rather not be doing (Y).
Finally, all the time left over (Z), is how we can spend time enjoying life.
In this equation, Z=X-Y. I'd ask myself the following question: How can I maximize Z? And I think that is a perfectly valid question, and although it might not have an answer, thinking about it might lead to changes that can be made in life to increase Z. Just take a look at me, how did I increase my Z? By becoming as absolutely healthy as I could. By running, exersizing, eating right, I have effectively maximized my X. Or as I like to think of it, I'm gonna live forever!
So why not continue thinking about other ways I might maximize Z by lowering Y?
Keara is of course right. Most people define thier standard of living (Y) as just whatever they make (Z) minus how much it costs to live (X). For some people, that result is often negative, whether by choice or by circumstance. The CEO making $250,000 a year but living way out of his means and up to his eye balls in debt or the single Mom working two jobs just to support her family. Point being, I realize the reality of my situation. My brother once said to me, "You have everything I want!" It was one of the hardest things to hear, wishing nothing but the same for him.
But my arguement isn't flawed. It was attempting to describe an ideal. That's why I said, "Ideally, X+Y=Z". But we all know in reality, that isn't the case. So the question is, how can each person work towards the ideal? Or in my case, feeling like I am already close to the ideal, how can I squeeze even more out of the marrow of life? I'd say that there is nothing wrong with constantly challenging yourself no matter what your situation might be. And ya, of course I realize how nice my situation is, that it even affords me the time to ponder shit that doesn't matter.
Maybe I could state my argument a different way, based on a different set of assumptions, that would make it seem much less flawed.
First assumption: We all have a finite amount of time in life (X).
Second assumption: Most people end up having to spend some amount of time doing things they'd rather not be doing (Y).
Finally, all the time left over (Z), is how we can spend time enjoying life.
In this equation, Z=X-Y. I'd ask myself the following question: How can I maximize Z? And I think that is a perfectly valid question, and although it might not have an answer, thinking about it might lead to changes that can be made in life to increase Z. Just take a look at me, how did I increase my Z? By becoming as absolutely healthy as I could. By running, exersizing, eating right, I have effectively maximized my X. Or as I like to think of it, I'm gonna live forever!
So why not continue thinking about other ways I might maximize Z by lowering Y?
Monday, September 22, 2008
The American Dream, or X + Y = Z
Okay so I opened this can o' worms, so I might as well keep it rolling. In part, because I honestly don't know how people interpret my posts and it's nice to get a glimpse of that, but also because sometimes it feels like I have all these thoughts about things no one ever wants to talk about. In our society, we are taught not to talk about how much we make (or don't make), or how much we save (or don't save), or how we make financial decisions for the future. Those conversations are only allowed with a financial advisor... who you are paying...
Back on topic. I don't think Steve is confused, and in fact he calls out two very important facts. First, for most people, Time = Money. And second, everyone has a definition of their standard of living. That right there is a worthwhile question. What is my definition of standard of living? (a question I'm currently pondering, aka, I don't have a full answer).
But for the sake of the following argument, let's make some assumptions. First, let's assume there is a minimum amount of money a family might need to survive day to day, X. Next, assume that most people define their standard of living as some value above X, namely Y (In other words, defining standard of living purely as a dollar amount greater than surviving pay check to pay check). Finally, there is the actual money earned by a family, Z.
Ideally, X + Y = Z. And in my life, right now I feel like that is the case. As Steve says, if I lower Z in order to "buy time", something else has to give. X or Y has to go down to compensate, which I seem unwilling to do. So what makes up X and Y? The easiest way to define them is to say that X makes up the basic necessities (shelter, food, clothing, transportation) and Y makes up "everything else".
Is it possible to lower both X and Y? Sure... X can be lowered in small amounts by smarter shopping, barging hunting, garage sailing, or good will. Or in large amounts by choice of shelter, both location and size. Am I willing to move to an unsafe neighborhood, in a run down house/apartment just to lower X? No, not really... But can I really afford to live in an affluent neighborhood like Apple Valley? Maybe not... As a side note, since I don't make car payments, my transportation portion of X is already minimized.
What about Z? Are there options for keeping Z constant? Sure... Two options that I can think of. First, I could make more money, and than work less keeping Z constant. Or Andrea could work as well, to compensate for the amount Z would go down by my working less. The reality is that Andrea would not be able to enter the work force making what I make now, thus would have to work somewhere around 2 to 3 times the hours that I give up to keep Z constant. (not to mention cost of day care, which would increase X) So I gain 10 hours and Andrea loses 20-30... that doesn't seem like a good trade off either.
Finally we come to Y. The hardest to define, because it encompasses everything from retirement saving, college funds (or any education expense), vacation planning, and yes, to even buying shit you don't need (shameless Fight Club quote). In most cases, when the value of Z goes down, Y is typically the first to go down with it. Now we have the crux of the problem. If I were in theory, able to lower Z by 25%, by lowering my hours to 30 (25% of 40), what would that cost me in terms of Y?
And now we've come full circle to the very first post that I made. Solving the problem of "what would that cost me in terms of Y"... is in fact, SOLVING THE WRONG PROBLEM! (aka, Dilbert) The REAL problem worth solving, is how do I keep Z constant but lower the amount of time required? (Or an even better, how do I increase Z while at the same time, decreasing to the amount of time required?) And to the source of my angst...
The fact that I don't think I'll ever have a million dollar idea, or find some way to work outside the system, or make the system work for me, or that my fear of the unknown keeps me working as hard as I can, because who knows when Z suddenly becomes 0?
Lastly, to one last point that Steve mentioned. Moving closer to work (or working closer to home) is in fact, a way to keep Z constant but lower the amount of time required, thus partially solving the better problem. And the truth is, it's something we've totally talked about and I believe will happen in time. (1-5 years maybe?) But obviously the timing right now is horrible, given the current state of the housing market.
(addition) Okay so since this might be the longest post I've ever made, I might as well extend it. I also wanted to point out something that is painfully obvious to Andrea when reading these posts, and that is the fact that my desire for more time is also somewhat motivated by selfish desires, as eluded to in my previous comment about "wanting it all". I want enough time to where I don't constantly feel like I have to choose who gets my freetime between myself, Andrea, and Megan. But that's a whole different equation. :-)
Back on topic. I don't think Steve is confused, and in fact he calls out two very important facts. First, for most people, Time = Money. And second, everyone has a definition of their standard of living. That right there is a worthwhile question. What is my definition of standard of living? (a question I'm currently pondering, aka, I don't have a full answer).
But for the sake of the following argument, let's make some assumptions. First, let's assume there is a minimum amount of money a family might need to survive day to day, X. Next, assume that most people define their standard of living as some value above X, namely Y (In other words, defining standard of living purely as a dollar amount greater than surviving pay check to pay check). Finally, there is the actual money earned by a family, Z.
Ideally, X + Y = Z. And in my life, right now I feel like that is the case. As Steve says, if I lower Z in order to "buy time", something else has to give. X or Y has to go down to compensate, which I seem unwilling to do. So what makes up X and Y? The easiest way to define them is to say that X makes up the basic necessities (shelter, food, clothing, transportation) and Y makes up "everything else".
Is it possible to lower both X and Y? Sure... X can be lowered in small amounts by smarter shopping, barging hunting, garage sailing, or good will. Or in large amounts by choice of shelter, both location and size. Am I willing to move to an unsafe neighborhood, in a run down house/apartment just to lower X? No, not really... But can I really afford to live in an affluent neighborhood like Apple Valley? Maybe not... As a side note, since I don't make car payments, my transportation portion of X is already minimized.
What about Z? Are there options for keeping Z constant? Sure... Two options that I can think of. First, I could make more money, and than work less keeping Z constant. Or Andrea could work as well, to compensate for the amount Z would go down by my working less. The reality is that Andrea would not be able to enter the work force making what I make now, thus would have to work somewhere around 2 to 3 times the hours that I give up to keep Z constant. (not to mention cost of day care, which would increase X) So I gain 10 hours and Andrea loses 20-30... that doesn't seem like a good trade off either.
Finally we come to Y. The hardest to define, because it encompasses everything from retirement saving, college funds (or any education expense), vacation planning, and yes, to even buying shit you don't need (shameless Fight Club quote). In most cases, when the value of Z goes down, Y is typically the first to go down with it. Now we have the crux of the problem. If I were in theory, able to lower Z by 25%, by lowering my hours to 30 (25% of 40), what would that cost me in terms of Y?
And now we've come full circle to the very first post that I made. Solving the problem of "what would that cost me in terms of Y"... is in fact, SOLVING THE WRONG PROBLEM! (aka, Dilbert) The REAL problem worth solving, is how do I keep Z constant but lower the amount of time required? (Or an even better, how do I increase Z while at the same time, decreasing to the amount of time required?) And to the source of my angst...
The fact that I don't think I'll ever have a million dollar idea, or find some way to work outside the system, or make the system work for me, or that my fear of the unknown keeps me working as hard as I can, because who knows when Z suddenly becomes 0?
Lastly, to one last point that Steve mentioned. Moving closer to work (or working closer to home) is in fact, a way to keep Z constant but lower the amount of time required, thus partially solving the better problem. And the truth is, it's something we've totally talked about and I believe will happen in time. (1-5 years maybe?) But obviously the timing right now is horrible, given the current state of the housing market.
(addition) Okay so since this might be the longest post I've ever made, I might as well extend it. I also wanted to point out something that is painfully obvious to Andrea when reading these posts, and that is the fact that my desire for more time is also somewhat motivated by selfish desires, as eluded to in my previous comment about "wanting it all". I want enough time to where I don't constantly feel like I have to choose who gets my freetime between myself, Andrea, and Megan. But that's a whole different equation. :-)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday Sunday Sunday!
You pay for the whole seat, but you only need the EDGE! Of course by the time Sunday rolls around, the weekend effect has kicked in. The nice weather of course is helping, but damnit why does it have to be Monday tomorrow?
Did a long run on Saturday, 16 miles. Second time ever that I've run that distance. The cool thing was that I did it with my new heart rate monitor. I haven't actually had a working heart rate monitor since... I don't even remember. At least a year. It's pretty amazing how things have changed, check it out:
The red line is my average heart rate. I couldn't quite believe the results, but basically I did the entire run in the 140-150 range. That's much improved over the last time I was keeping an eye on my heart rate, when I was running in the 165+ range consistently. Basically, my heart is healthier then ever before, so that's some good news.
Anyway, I specifically wanted to answer Keara's question/comment on my previous post. She's always been a loyal reader so it's the least I could do. What is preventing me from changing jobs? The fact that I like what I do and that I'm good at it. There is no point to changing jobs... The grass is not greener somewhere else and there is no other job that would allow me to support and provide for my family in the way I do now. I don't want less (or the same!) hours for less money, and I don't want more hours for more money.
Basically, I'm not conveying the true source of my angst good enough. It's not my job that pisses me off, it's the fact that there is a system we all have to exist in which forces us to do things we might not otherwise enjoy in order to live/survive/get by. And that for most of us normal folk, that means "working" until we are able to retire.
There is no job I could get, no amount of pay I could receive, that would be more rewarding to me than spending more time with my family. I don't want a different job, I don't want more pay. I want more time. I want enough time to be able to spend lots of time with my daughter, and maybe even have a little left over for myself. Basically I want it all. I want to be able to be a great Dad but also enjoy the things I like.
What pisses me off, is knowing that 40-50 hours a week of my life until I retire, will be spent AWAY from my family, AWAY from the things I enjoy, because I'm not smart enough, creative enough, or lucky enough to be able to provide the basic needs of life (food, shelter, clothing, education) for my family in any way that would take less time per week.
I don't want to be happier at my job. I want to be happier at home, which implies actually being at home. You're not sounding naive at all. I'm just not explaining how much it bothers me that I only get to see Megan 3 hours a day. THAT is what pisses me off.
Did a long run on Saturday, 16 miles. Second time ever that I've run that distance. The cool thing was that I did it with my new heart rate monitor. I haven't actually had a working heart rate monitor since... I don't even remember. At least a year. It's pretty amazing how things have changed, check it out:
The red line is my average heart rate. I couldn't quite believe the results, but basically I did the entire run in the 140-150 range. That's much improved over the last time I was keeping an eye on my heart rate, when I was running in the 165+ range consistently. Basically, my heart is healthier then ever before, so that's some good news.
Anyway, I specifically wanted to answer Keara's question/comment on my previous post. She's always been a loyal reader so it's the least I could do. What is preventing me from changing jobs? The fact that I like what I do and that I'm good at it. There is no point to changing jobs... The grass is not greener somewhere else and there is no other job that would allow me to support and provide for my family in the way I do now. I don't want less (or the same!) hours for less money, and I don't want more hours for more money.
Basically, I'm not conveying the true source of my angst good enough. It's not my job that pisses me off, it's the fact that there is a system we all have to exist in which forces us to do things we might not otherwise enjoy in order to live/survive/get by. And that for most of us normal folk, that means "working" until we are able to retire.
There is no job I could get, no amount of pay I could receive, that would be more rewarding to me than spending more time with my family. I don't want a different job, I don't want more pay. I want more time. I want enough time to be able to spend lots of time with my daughter, and maybe even have a little left over for myself. Basically I want it all. I want to be able to be a great Dad but also enjoy the things I like.
What pisses me off, is knowing that 40-50 hours a week of my life until I retire, will be spent AWAY from my family, AWAY from the things I enjoy, because I'm not smart enough, creative enough, or lucky enough to be able to provide the basic needs of life (food, shelter, clothing, education) for my family in any way that would take less time per week.
I don't want to be happier at my job. I want to be happier at home, which implies actually being at home. You're not sounding naive at all. I'm just not explaining how much it bothers me that I only get to see Megan 3 hours a day. THAT is what pisses me off.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Existential Angst
Or... big words Shawn likes to use for no apparent reason. So the ladies of the house have all been asleep for the last hour, and I've just been killing time reading various blogs and articles on different philosophical concepts. I've come to two conclusions.
1) I'm an idiot.
2) People waste a lot of time blabbing on about the most idiotic things. (see conclusion #1)
Follow my logic on that one? Good. I'm basically mad at the world today, for no particular reason. Okay, maybe a few particular reasons here and there, but overall it all just adds up to a gigantic waste of emotion. Anger, the emotion I love to hate. That sounds like a great book title.
One thing I found very amusing, is reading a long, well thought out commentary on life, happiness, meaning and all the rest, where someone tries to use logic to counter depression. Only to have some one come along and say, "Brain chemistry can cause people to be depressed, and has nothing do to do with (insert any philosophical discussion on happiness here)"
Or as I like to call it, "Your argument is as pointless as (insert any philosophical discussion on the meaning of life)".
For a long time now, I've been pissed off at the things in life I can't control. Or more to the point, I've been silently pissed off about them. Why? Because, what's the point of getting mad about things you can't control? Leave it to Dilbert to get me thinking...
Somehow... in some strange way, the above Dilbert comic combined with reading bits and pieces of inane psychobabble from some stupid rich dude that wrote a book called "The 4-Hour Workweek", led me to one last conclusion:
Is the thing that is REALLY pissing me off the most, is that I'm just not smart enough to come up with an alternative to sitting in a cubical until I'm 62?
Pwned.
1) I'm an idiot.
2) People waste a lot of time blabbing on about the most idiotic things. (see conclusion #1)
Follow my logic on that one? Good. I'm basically mad at the world today, for no particular reason. Okay, maybe a few particular reasons here and there, but overall it all just adds up to a gigantic waste of emotion. Anger, the emotion I love to hate. That sounds like a great book title.
One thing I found very amusing, is reading a long, well thought out commentary on life, happiness, meaning and all the rest, where someone tries to use logic to counter depression. Only to have some one come along and say, "Brain chemistry can cause people to be depressed, and has nothing do to do with (insert any philosophical discussion on happiness here)"
Or as I like to call it, "Your argument is as pointless as (insert any philosophical discussion on the meaning of life)".
For a long time now, I've been pissed off at the things in life I can't control. Or more to the point, I've been silently pissed off about them. Why? Because, what's the point of getting mad about things you can't control? Leave it to Dilbert to get me thinking...
Somehow... in some strange way, the above Dilbert comic combined with reading bits and pieces of inane psychobabble from some stupid rich dude that wrote a book called "The 4-Hour Workweek", led me to one last conclusion:
Is the thing that is REALLY pissing me off the most, is that I'm just not smart enough to come up with an alternative to sitting in a cubical until I'm 62?
Pwned.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Wet Weekend
I never delivered on my aforementioned Cookie Adventure story. Let me sum up: Ran 15.5 miles with promise of "big cookie" at the end. Cookie at the end sucked. Proceeded to 3 stores to find the perfect "big cookie". (Found out Mrs. Fields no longer exists in the Mall). Whewww.
So this weekend proceeded to rain on pretty much everyone I'm sure, but we tried not to let it distract too much. Saturday morning I was able to get out at 7am before it was raining and do a nice run. After that we had planned on going to the Target Children's Book Festival at Three Rivers Park. We did this last year as well... This year, it had slightly more meaning to us, but the outcome was much the same. (except no rain last year) Megan was unfocused, just wanted to run around, and in the end the rain forced us into an early retreat. But we made the most of it.
Last night was a great D&D session, but it looks like we might not have another one like that for quite awhile. I had high hopes that the fall and winter would be the time when people would have less going on and would be able to get more time for gaming in, but it just doesn't seem that way. Work, football, vacations, you name it. Maybe I need to start looking for another back up hobby... Hey, what's that World of Warcraft icon doing on my desktop?
But seriously, I do start to miss my TV for the simple fact that I wouldn't mind buying a new gaming system. (XBOX 360 would probably be the console of choice). Just to have something to do those odd hours I have to spare on the week nights. Some nice solid single player gaming action. I think for the first time since we got rid of the TV (March 1st) I'm actually missing it from a movie/video game stand point. Only 6 months? Sad! Going to need a few more years without it most likely... But don't tell my Mom I said that.
So this weekend proceeded to rain on pretty much everyone I'm sure, but we tried not to let it distract too much. Saturday morning I was able to get out at 7am before it was raining and do a nice run. After that we had planned on going to the Target Children's Book Festival at Three Rivers Park. We did this last year as well... This year, it had slightly more meaning to us, but the outcome was much the same. (except no rain last year) Megan was unfocused, just wanted to run around, and in the end the rain forced us into an early retreat. But we made the most of it.
Last night was a great D&D session, but it looks like we might not have another one like that for quite awhile. I had high hopes that the fall and winter would be the time when people would have less going on and would be able to get more time for gaming in, but it just doesn't seem that way. Work, football, vacations, you name it. Maybe I need to start looking for another back up hobby... Hey, what's that World of Warcraft icon doing on my desktop?
But seriously, I do start to miss my TV for the simple fact that I wouldn't mind buying a new gaming system. (XBOX 360 would probably be the console of choice). Just to have something to do those odd hours I have to spare on the week nights. Some nice solid single player gaming action. I think for the first time since we got rid of the TV (March 1st) I'm actually missing it from a movie/video game stand point. Only 6 months? Sad! Going to need a few more years without it most likely... But don't tell my Mom I said that.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Uhhh GPS... cool
Just did my first run with my fancy new GPS running watch. I don't know why I didn't get one before. 1800+ miles on my old watch, that gave me inconsistant results and only a small amount of information (distance)... to this:
Needless to say... that's only the tip of the iceberg in terms of information provided by the new watch. I'm totally hooked, wish I had got it in time for the 25k this past weekend.
I'll post more about that and maybe my insane Cookie Adventure later. I don't have a lot of time tonight so I'll just end with some new pictures.
Megan ready for her first day of school last week. Sounds like today went okay as well, however she didn't nap today after school so she was kind of grumpy tonight. (understatement?)
Just a cute picture of Megan with pigtails.
Needless to say... that's only the tip of the iceberg in terms of information provided by the new watch. I'm totally hooked, wish I had got it in time for the 25k this past weekend.
I'll post more about that and maybe my insane Cookie Adventure later. I don't have a lot of time tonight so I'll just end with some new pictures.
Megan ready for her first day of school last week. Sounds like today went okay as well, however she didn't nap today after school so she was kind of grumpy tonight. (understatement?)
Just a cute picture of Megan with pigtails.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
All right, all right...
Yes, I realize it's Saturday and I haven't posted in over a week. Sue me! No big reasons I haven't found the time to post, mainly just a lazy thing.
Labor day weekend... What did I do again? That's a lifetime ago. Let's see, Friday was the bachelor party, which went exactly as I expected. Fun and I got to talk D&D with my buddy most of the night. I also went ultra cheap and ended the night only spending $7 bucks for parking. Go me!
The rest of labor day weekend was spent running, biking, sitting around doing nothing, or hanging out in various places with Megan. Pretty typical stuff!
The big news for this week is that Megan started preschool. Tuesday night we had an open house where we met her teacher. For some unknown reason, she got a different teacher at the last minute, than the one we originally met. The open house was fine, if a bit unorganized. There were two classes worth of kids congregating in one room.
Thursday morning was the big day. I stayed home from work that morning to help see Megan off. The bus comes to the house around 8:20am to pick up Megan. She got on the bus with no problems. In fact, we woke her in the morning saying "The school bus is coming today!" and all she would say all morning was "school bus!" When the bus arrived, she got right on and gave both Andrea and I a kiss goodbye. She'll go to school now Tuesday/Thursdays from 8:30 to 11:30.
Not much else going on this weekend, except for a 25k run I am doing tomorrow. Although the weather today is just awesome, perfect running weather... I'm sitting here "resting" for the race. And what will I get instead? Probably cold and rain in the morning. Juuuust great.
Labor day weekend... What did I do again? That's a lifetime ago. Let's see, Friday was the bachelor party, which went exactly as I expected. Fun and I got to talk D&D with my buddy most of the night. I also went ultra cheap and ended the night only spending $7 bucks for parking. Go me!
The rest of labor day weekend was spent running, biking, sitting around doing nothing, or hanging out in various places with Megan. Pretty typical stuff!
The big news for this week is that Megan started preschool. Tuesday night we had an open house where we met her teacher. For some unknown reason, she got a different teacher at the last minute, than the one we originally met. The open house was fine, if a bit unorganized. There were two classes worth of kids congregating in one room.
Thursday morning was the big day. I stayed home from work that morning to help see Megan off. The bus comes to the house around 8:20am to pick up Megan. She got on the bus with no problems. In fact, we woke her in the morning saying "The school bus is coming today!" and all she would say all morning was "school bus!" When the bus arrived, she got right on and gave both Andrea and I a kiss goodbye. She'll go to school now Tuesday/Thursdays from 8:30 to 11:30.
Not much else going on this weekend, except for a 25k run I am doing tomorrow. Although the weather today is just awesome, perfect running weather... I'm sitting here "resting" for the race. And what will I get instead? Probably cold and rain in the morning. Juuuust great.
Friday, August 29, 2008
9 years come and gone
Yesterday was our 9 year anniversary. Just like the last few years, it's standard procedure for me to mention that. At least this year the blog title is a little more creative than "9 years".
We enjoyed a nice long (and huge) dinner last night, at a place called Rudy's Redeye Grill in Lakeville. Andrea had been there one other time, but I had never been there. I came up with a short list of a few places and Andrea picked this one.
The food was awesome (I had left overs tonight!), but boy did we eat too much. This was coming off last weekends all you can eat buffet night at Mystic Lake. Needless to say, I was 192 on the scale this morning, which is about 10 lbs more than I'd like to be.
I'd really like to stop the whole bouncing up and down and feeling like I have constantly be "working off that last meal". In light of that, and our anniversary, and the new month, I came up with a list of 10 "No" items. For the most part, I'm against "negative" approach to changing eating habits, but I think for now this is what I need. I've become to complacent about my eating habits, and it's time to get back on track. And sometimes just saying it out loud helps. So in no particular order, 10 things to JUST SAY NO!
Tomorrow night I head up to downtown Minneapolis for dinner and a Gopher football game at the Metrodome for my friends bachelor party. It should be a good time, if nothing else my good friend who joined my D&D group is going to be there, so we can talk about D&D the entire time if the bachelor is too busy talking with all the other family that will be there.
We enjoyed a nice long (and huge) dinner last night, at a place called Rudy's Redeye Grill in Lakeville. Andrea had been there one other time, but I had never been there. I came up with a short list of a few places and Andrea picked this one.
The food was awesome (I had left overs tonight!), but boy did we eat too much. This was coming off last weekends all you can eat buffet night at Mystic Lake. Needless to say, I was 192 on the scale this morning, which is about 10 lbs more than I'd like to be.
I'd really like to stop the whole bouncing up and down and feeling like I have constantly be "working off that last meal". In light of that, and our anniversary, and the new month, I came up with a list of 10 "No" items. For the most part, I'm against "negative" approach to changing eating habits, but I think for now this is what I need. I've become to complacent about my eating habits, and it's time to get back on track. And sometimes just saying it out loud helps. So in no particular order, 10 things to JUST SAY NO!
- No snacks at work. That includes Salsa Thursday, snacks on the Snack Master, or free anniversary treats.
- No ice cream. This one's gonna be tough, but needed.
- No candy from my Mom's house.
- No random snacking at my Mom's house. (if you're reading this Mom, help me out here!)
- No fried foods when eating out. That includes french fries, breaded chicken, mozzarella sticks, etc.
- No "all you can eat free" items when eating out. You know what I'm talking about... chips & salsa at Mexican places, bread sticks at Olive Garden, cheddar bay biscuits at Red Lobster...
- No eating Megan's left overs when we go out to eat.
- No after dinner/late night snacking.
- No pizza at D&D sessions. Just best to say no, since I can never stop myself from having 5+ pieces.
- No over eating after really long runs. (No over eating, period!)
Tomorrow night I head up to downtown Minneapolis for dinner and a Gopher football game at the Metrodome for my friends bachelor party. It should be a good time, if nothing else my good friend who joined my D&D group is going to be there, so we can talk about D&D the entire time if the bachelor is too busy talking with all the other family that will be there.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I got nothing
I so wish I could do a brain dump right now. Too much crap on my mind and I can't seem to organize a single coherent train of thought. I told someone at work this week how running was the one chance where I could "think about nothing" and he didn't think it was possible. Now all I can think about is how nice that time can be... It's a big part of why I've become addicted to it.
So intead of fight it, I suppose I'll just post about running. Around mid June, shortly after I did my first half marathon race of the summer, I started getting some pain in my left hip. It was a deep pain that would feel worse after running, but better while running. Afterwards, sometimes even walking would cause sharp shooting pains to run from my hip area down my leg to my knee.
I was a tad worried to say the least. I goggled various possible issues and came up with a few possibilities, the worst of which would have been a problem with my sciatic nerve. (symptoms sounded very similar) Eventually I just went with a solid 3 days of resting with light runs and it sort of went away but was always nagging me and got significantly worse with fast pace runs.
Fast forward to last week and my 16 mile run. I took the opportunity on that run to pay close attention to my body. I had already made a deal with myself that if my hip started to act up I would call off the run, because the last thing I wanted was to do serious damage. But I ran that 16 miles and not only did it end up feeling great but it was at a very good pace and with very little after pain.
What changed? Well, what I came to realize was my stride was uneven. I found that I was pushing off with my left foot for the majority of my forward motion. The end result was that over time, I've been putting a lot more wear on that area. It also was the cause of more blisters on my left foot. I couldn't figure it out why my right foot never had blisters!
With a conscious effort, I tried to even out my stride and push off with both feet equally. The result was no more pain, the blisters on my feet are going down, and I'm feeling much better. Last week I decided to experiement and see if it made that much of a difference. I ended up running 5 days in a row, all decent distances and paces. By the end of the week, I had no significant pains. Problem solved!
Here are the splits for my 16 miler:
2:14:16 Total
1- 8:34
2- 8:45
3- 8:36
4- 8:40
5- 8:27
6- 8:15
7- 8:17
8- 8:19
9- 8:13
10- 8:05
11- 8:13
12- 8:09
13- 8:09
14- 8:24
15- 8:41
16- 8:17
So intead of fight it, I suppose I'll just post about running. Around mid June, shortly after I did my first half marathon race of the summer, I started getting some pain in my left hip. It was a deep pain that would feel worse after running, but better while running. Afterwards, sometimes even walking would cause sharp shooting pains to run from my hip area down my leg to my knee.
I was a tad worried to say the least. I goggled various possible issues and came up with a few possibilities, the worst of which would have been a problem with my sciatic nerve. (symptoms sounded very similar) Eventually I just went with a solid 3 days of resting with light runs and it sort of went away but was always nagging me and got significantly worse with fast pace runs.
Fast forward to last week and my 16 mile run. I took the opportunity on that run to pay close attention to my body. I had already made a deal with myself that if my hip started to act up I would call off the run, because the last thing I wanted was to do serious damage. But I ran that 16 miles and not only did it end up feeling great but it was at a very good pace and with very little after pain.
What changed? Well, what I came to realize was my stride was uneven. I found that I was pushing off with my left foot for the majority of my forward motion. The end result was that over time, I've been putting a lot more wear on that area. It also was the cause of more blisters on my left foot. I couldn't figure it out why my right foot never had blisters!
With a conscious effort, I tried to even out my stride and push off with both feet equally. The result was no more pain, the blisters on my feet are going down, and I'm feeling much better. Last week I decided to experiement and see if it made that much of a difference. I ended up running 5 days in a row, all decent distances and paces. By the end of the week, I had no significant pains. Problem solved!
Here are the splits for my 16 miler:
2:14:16 Total
1- 8:34
2- 8:45
3- 8:36
4- 8:40
5- 8:27
6- 8:15
7- 8:17
8- 8:19
9- 8:13
10- 8:05
11- 8:13
12- 8:09
13- 8:09
14- 8:24
15- 8:41
16- 8:17
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Friday Post
I did want to get more then one post up this week, but it just didn't happen. Main reason was that I had a D&D session on a week night this week (Thursday) so I was busy preparing for that most of the week. It went pretty well, I have a old friend joining the group which is great, and I still think the new 4th edition is going to be some long term fun.
I'm home alone tonight because Andrea and Megan are down visiting Grandma and Papa B tonight. I thought about checking out Tropic Thunder, but in the end just wanted a quite night to myself. Granted I ended up doing about an hour of work but oh well. I also wrapped up some D&D and got my runs uploaded, which I had been slacking on for awhile.
Some big things coming up in the next few weeks, from our 9 year anniversary to Megan's first day of pre-school. I haven't decided yet how I'm going to do that, but I think I will just come in late to work that day so I can be home when they come to pick her up. I have NO clue how she might react... she will either be totally excited and not even care about jumping on to a bus and going away, or she will be totally freaked out. I think Megan has some parts of my personality, and extremes is one of them.
Anyway, here is one of the videos I captured from last weekend I just wanted to share. This is right after our long bike ride and Megan was ready to go home. While I was packing up the bike and such, she wandered over to a bench to relax for a bit. I joined her and she told me she was ready to head back.
I'm home alone tonight because Andrea and Megan are down visiting Grandma and Papa B tonight. I thought about checking out Tropic Thunder, but in the end just wanted a quite night to myself. Granted I ended up doing about an hour of work but oh well. I also wrapped up some D&D and got my runs uploaded, which I had been slacking on for awhile.
Some big things coming up in the next few weeks, from our 9 year anniversary to Megan's first day of pre-school. I haven't decided yet how I'm going to do that, but I think I will just come in late to work that day so I can be home when they come to pick her up. I have NO clue how she might react... she will either be totally excited and not even care about jumping on to a bus and going away, or she will be totally freaked out. I think Megan has some parts of my personality, and extremes is one of them.
Anyway, here is one of the videos I captured from last weekend I just wanted to share. This is right after our long bike ride and Megan was ready to go home. While I was packing up the bike and such, she wandered over to a bench to relax for a bit. I joined her and she told me she was ready to head back.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Great Escape
Sometimes challenging, sometimes fun, sometimes rough. Overall, great weekend away from home and work. For now, I'll just give some highlights and pictures. I'll try to post a few videos later in the week.
The drives up and down weren't bad at all, with Megan sleeping most of the way both times. Thursday was just relaxing and dinner, nothing too exciting. I was given some T-shirts and a small welcome goodie bag. Megan dug into that right away.
Mom and Megan exploring the rest of the "special room".
Friday morning I woke up and prepped for a new personal distance best. I ran a solid 16 miles, the farthest distance I've run. 2/3rd marathon distance... but still no marathon plans so don't ask! While I was running, Andrea was entertaining Megan at the various "kids" stuff the resort had to offer. We also did a LOT of swimming over the weekend. Megan couldn't get enough.
Saturday morning, Megan and I went on a bike ride together. We were out for about an hour and a half and did 18 miles. I think she enjoyed it, but it's so hard to tell. She is still asking for "more bike" or "bike ride" every now and then, so it must be a positive thing.
Saturday afternoon Megan took a nap, which was a nice break and gave us a little time to just relax and read. Saturday night we got local high school girl to come babysit Megan in the hotel room, so we could do the "formal" dinner without her. The resort makes all the arrangements and you just meet up at the front desk. It went okay, but Megan was crying when we got back to the room. The sitter said she just started crying before we got there, and... knowing Megan I was inclined to believe her.
Biggest highlight of the weekend? Megan has started using 3-word phrases a lot. Things like, "Mommy here now" and "Green car there". Not to mention a slew of new words over the weekend. My favorite was what we decided to call the hotel room. Instead of just calling it "room" or "hotel room", we started calling it the "special room". It stuck, and Megan was so cute when she says it. So next time you see her, make sure to ask her about the "special room".
The drives up and down weren't bad at all, with Megan sleeping most of the way both times. Thursday was just relaxing and dinner, nothing too exciting. I was given some T-shirts and a small welcome goodie bag. Megan dug into that right away.
Mom and Megan exploring the rest of the "special room".
Friday morning I woke up and prepped for a new personal distance best. I ran a solid 16 miles, the farthest distance I've run. 2/3rd marathon distance... but still no marathon plans so don't ask! While I was running, Andrea was entertaining Megan at the various "kids" stuff the resort had to offer. We also did a LOT of swimming over the weekend. Megan couldn't get enough.
Saturday morning, Megan and I went on a bike ride together. We were out for about an hour and a half and did 18 miles. I think she enjoyed it, but it's so hard to tell. She is still asking for "more bike" or "bike ride" every now and then, so it must be a positive thing.
Saturday afternoon Megan took a nap, which was a nice break and gave us a little time to just relax and read. Saturday night we got local high school girl to come babysit Megan in the hotel room, so we could do the "formal" dinner without her. The resort makes all the arrangements and you just meet up at the front desk. It went okay, but Megan was crying when we got back to the room. The sitter said she just started crying before we got there, and... knowing Megan I was inclined to believe her.
Biggest highlight of the weekend? Megan has started using 3-word phrases a lot. Things like, "Mommy here now" and "Green car there". Not to mention a slew of new words over the weekend. My favorite was what we decided to call the hotel room. Instead of just calling it "room" or "hotel room", we started calling it the "special room". It stuck, and Megan was so cute when she says it. So next time you see her, make sure to ask her about the "special room".
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Where to begin
How about let's begin this vacation shall we!? 5 days off... Seems like a lifetime since I've had a long break. The worst part is I'm sitting on 120 hours of time off (3 weeks!) and even more in personal days and sick time. Why can't I just get sick more? Sucks being so damn healthy all the time...
So tomorrow we head up north, to the company sponsored vacation at Maddens resort. This will be my third year at Maddens, although the first year with this company. Funny how things work out like that. This will also be our first long vacation with Megan. I have high hopes that it turns out to be a fun weekend for everyone, but I do worry about Megan not having enough to do. Andrea is out looking for odds and ends to help out with that.
At work this week, they officially put out a request for volunteers to do 24x7 on-call support, specifically for the area of software I work on. Kind of funny, considering how I JUST mentioned that two posts ago. At this point, it's at the volunteer stage, and at least at this company there is extra compensation involved. But I had ZERO interest in it... I put in my 6+ years of 24x7 support, I'm not about to go down that path again. The question now is, how long until "volunteer" becomes "mandatory"? My guess? 4 months or less. My prediction is that I will be forced to on-call by the end of this year.
With the threat of 24x7 support looming, I'm trying to think of the positives. 5 days without work, with more fun things coming up next week. Got D&D lined up, and another free night out at Mystic hotel the following weekend (Once again courtesy of Grandma Gayle). After that, at the end of the month, I will be attending what in all likely hood, will be the last ever bachelor party I ever go to. (as in, I don't know anyone else that isn't married, that would invite me to a bachelor party).
I could have sworn there was even more going on this month... what was it again? Oh ya... 9 years of marriage! Almost forgot that one. :-)
So tomorrow we head up north, to the company sponsored vacation at Maddens resort. This will be my third year at Maddens, although the first year with this company. Funny how things work out like that. This will also be our first long vacation with Megan. I have high hopes that it turns out to be a fun weekend for everyone, but I do worry about Megan not having enough to do. Andrea is out looking for odds and ends to help out with that.
At work this week, they officially put out a request for volunteers to do 24x7 on-call support, specifically for the area of software I work on. Kind of funny, considering how I JUST mentioned that two posts ago. At this point, it's at the volunteer stage, and at least at this company there is extra compensation involved. But I had ZERO interest in it... I put in my 6+ years of 24x7 support, I'm not about to go down that path again. The question now is, how long until "volunteer" becomes "mandatory"? My guess? 4 months or less. My prediction is that I will be forced to on-call by the end of this year.
With the threat of 24x7 support looming, I'm trying to think of the positives. 5 days without work, with more fun things coming up next week. Got D&D lined up, and another free night out at Mystic hotel the following weekend (Once again courtesy of Grandma Gayle). After that, at the end of the month, I will be attending what in all likely hood, will be the last ever bachelor party I ever go to. (as in, I don't know anyone else that isn't married, that would invite me to a bachelor party).
I could have sworn there was even more going on this month... what was it again? Oh ya... 9 years of marriage! Almost forgot that one. :-)
Side note, after posting this blog I realized I used this same blog title back in 2005: Where to begin, 2005
Saturday, August 09, 2008
Just when you thought you were safe
So work is not getting any better, and I'm trying to figure out what I can do about it if anything. Yeah, I did an hour or so of work today, so what of it? Am I lame for doing work on the weekend? Yes. But what else am I going to do? When I can log into my PC at work from home, it's really not that big of a deal. It's not like I have to actually be on-site to do work. Hell, the guy that taught me everything I know worked out of his house in Seattle. Just proof that if you are good enough at writing code, you can pretty much work from anywhere.
AD&D has only met once in the last month, our last session being July 3rd. When I say it out loud, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I can't expect much more then once a month to be honest. Not to mention this is the worst time ever for almost every single one of my players. So I'll just be patient and who knows. Maybe come winter time, people will be begging me for something to do.
So anyway, between work stress, family stress, and self induced stress, I'm finding it hard to relax. I can't stop thinking about... (fill in the blank). One night this week I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall asleep until 4am because I started thinking about work. It drove me absolutely nuts. I just wish I had answers for everyone, and the decisions or problems they are facing. What can I say, I like to fix things for other people I guess.
In the meantime, I need to find healthy way to relax I think. Running helps, as does reading (I read a 500 page book in 5 days recently). But soon I will be out of books to read and with nothing new to focus on, might end up having to resort to something. In fact, I think right now I might fire up an old video game...
AD&D has only met once in the last month, our last session being July 3rd. When I say it out loud, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I can't expect much more then once a month to be honest. Not to mention this is the worst time ever for almost every single one of my players. So I'll just be patient and who knows. Maybe come winter time, people will be begging me for something to do.
So anyway, between work stress, family stress, and self induced stress, I'm finding it hard to relax. I can't stop thinking about... (fill in the blank). One night this week I woke up at 3am and couldn't fall asleep until 4am because I started thinking about work. It drove me absolutely nuts. I just wish I had answers for everyone, and the decisions or problems they are facing. What can I say, I like to fix things for other people I guess.
In the meantime, I need to find healthy way to relax I think. Running helps, as does reading (I read a 500 page book in 5 days recently). But soon I will be out of books to read and with nothing new to focus on, might end up having to resort to something. In fact, I think right now I might fire up an old video game...
Sunday, August 03, 2008
And Then Some
Long weekend, and I can't think of a good place to start. It started with a hell of a Friday. One of the managers comes over to my cubical and basically says, "We need someone to do this thing, and you're the only one that knows how. And it's probably going to require weekend work. Good? Great."
On the one hand, it's good to know I'm useful. But on the other hand, I had serious flashbacks to working at Micron and it's 24x7 attitude towards it's work force. It took everything in me to remain calm and just get it done. In the end, I was able to complete it by 7pm Friday night, and had to do very little on Saturday. Still, the feeling of powerlessness left a very sour taste in my mouth.
I tried not to think about it too much the rest of the weekend. Saturday morning I headed out for a nice 11+ mile run. Went on a completely random new trek just for something different. Andrea's parents came over and spent the afternoon with us and Megan, which was very enjoyable. Saturday night Megan and I spent some time together and went to McDee's.
Sunday I went for another shorter run, followed up with a bike ride with Megan. She had been asking for awhile, and the weather was finally nice enough. We rode over to my Mom's house, met up with Andrea, hopped in the car and hit the zoo for a few hours. Then rode back home as she fell asleep. Tonight we just putzed around the house, the only excitement was when Megan tried to eat a cup of sand.
Anyway, just one last thing to share. I did end up getting another PR (personal record) on the 10k last weekend. My official time was 45:11. Unbeknownest to me, some friends caught a video clip of me crossing the finish line.
With 45:11 under my belt, my next goal will have to be the 45 minute mark. Will I see it this year?
On the one hand, it's good to know I'm useful. But on the other hand, I had serious flashbacks to working at Micron and it's 24x7 attitude towards it's work force. It took everything in me to remain calm and just get it done. In the end, I was able to complete it by 7pm Friday night, and had to do very little on Saturday. Still, the feeling of powerlessness left a very sour taste in my mouth.
I tried not to think about it too much the rest of the weekend. Saturday morning I headed out for a nice 11+ mile run. Went on a completely random new trek just for something different. Andrea's parents came over and spent the afternoon with us and Megan, which was very enjoyable. Saturday night Megan and I spent some time together and went to McDee's.
Sunday I went for another shorter run, followed up with a bike ride with Megan. She had been asking for awhile, and the weather was finally nice enough. We rode over to my Mom's house, met up with Andrea, hopped in the car and hit the zoo for a few hours. Then rode back home as she fell asleep. Tonight we just putzed around the house, the only excitement was when Megan tried to eat a cup of sand.
Anyway, just one last thing to share. I did end up getting another PR (personal record) on the 10k last weekend. My official time was 45:11. Unbeknownest to me, some friends caught a video clip of me crossing the finish line.
With 45:11 under my belt, my next goal will have to be the 45 minute mark. Will I see it this year?
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Your Plan Sucks
Apathy. That word I love to hate. Or do I hate to love? It's come up before on my blog, and I couldn't help but spend some time reading this post from two years ago. Are things different now? Has my outlook changed at all? In a lot of ways, it hasn't. There are a lot of truths to be found.
I also found it interesting to be reminded what it was like to post my honest thoughts. No sugar coating, no censoring. Just raw brain dump, take it or leave it. I should go back to that, because it's what I always wanted my blog to be. Why not share the realities of me? If people disagree with me or think I'm full of ..it, then why would they want to waste time knowing me anyway?
So... back to apathy. Is apathy itself, inherently good or bad? That is what I've been thinking about lately. I think that by today's definition, apathy gets a bad rap. It's defined more as a negative emotion, bordering on depression and a general lack of concern for ones well being.
I have none of that, yet I consider myself very apathetic. Oddly enough, one of the more common definitions of apathy is "absence of emotion". So how can apathy be both an emotion and the absence of emotion? I think the apathy I feel, is the general lack of concern for things that... don't concern me. Or even more broadly, a lack of concern for the things that... are the way they are.
What it seems to come down to is this: Everything in my life I feel like I can control, I've taken control of. I've poured every ounce of energy I can into bringing about the most positive changes I could come up with in all aspects of my life that I seemed to have control over. So what does that leave me with? All the shit that just is what it is, and will always be. And THAT'S what I'm apathetic about.
Am I making all the right choices? Am I living life the best way possible? Who knows... it's not like there is any one answer to those questions, and the fact is, no one ever talks about those questions anyway. So I'll I have is my own thoughts, my own questions, and my own answers.
I also found it interesting to be reminded what it was like to post my honest thoughts. No sugar coating, no censoring. Just raw brain dump, take it or leave it. I should go back to that, because it's what I always wanted my blog to be. Why not share the realities of me? If people disagree with me or think I'm full of ..it, then why would they want to waste time knowing me anyway?
So... back to apathy. Is apathy itself, inherently good or bad? That is what I've been thinking about lately. I think that by today's definition, apathy gets a bad rap. It's defined more as a negative emotion, bordering on depression and a general lack of concern for ones well being.
I have none of that, yet I consider myself very apathetic. Oddly enough, one of the more common definitions of apathy is "absence of emotion". So how can apathy be both an emotion and the absence of emotion? I think the apathy I feel, is the general lack of concern for things that... don't concern me. Or even more broadly, a lack of concern for the things that... are the way they are.
What it seems to come down to is this: Everything in my life I feel like I can control, I've taken control of. I've poured every ounce of energy I can into bringing about the most positive changes I could come up with in all aspects of my life that I seemed to have control over. So what does that leave me with? All the shit that just is what it is, and will always be. And THAT'S what I'm apathetic about.
Am I making all the right choices? Am I living life the best way possible? Who knows... it's not like there is any one answer to those questions, and the fact is, no one ever talks about those questions anyway. So I'll I have is my own thoughts, my own questions, and my own answers.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Weekend Warrior
Honestly, I do wish I could blog more then once a week, but time just escapes me. Between my nightly runs, other activities, and my own need to just relax a bit each night, I can't seem to find the time.
Work is definitely not helping matters either. I'm not stressed out about it, which is an odd feeling for a change. I've come to the realization that I have absolutely no interest in dealing with the shit that rolls down hill anymore. Let it come, I can brush it off, dodge it, ignore it. Doesn't matter to me.
So this morning I did a 10k run, Heart of the Summer 10k. It's an easy run around Lake Nokomis a few times, but being this time of year, it's usually hot and humid. Today was no exception, but the day did start out on a cool note (63 degrees). I decided to go ahead and try to run a fast pace, and I think I was able to get another PR. (waiting for official results). Somewhere around 15 seconds faster then my last 10k. Not too shabby!
I then ran a little more after the 10k, for about another 30 minutes. Then I headed over to pay my Grandparents a visit, since I was only about a mile away from them. (Hi Grandma and Grandpa!!!!!). They have a lap top now, and although my Grandma hasn't touched it yet, my Grandpa has my blog book marked.
So on that note, a few more pictures for them and everyone else. These were taken today.
Just eating lunch:
Mom and Megan:
Work is definitely not helping matters either. I'm not stressed out about it, which is an odd feeling for a change. I've come to the realization that I have absolutely no interest in dealing with the shit that rolls down hill anymore. Let it come, I can brush it off, dodge it, ignore it. Doesn't matter to me.
So this morning I did a 10k run, Heart of the Summer 10k. It's an easy run around Lake Nokomis a few times, but being this time of year, it's usually hot and humid. Today was no exception, but the day did start out on a cool note (63 degrees). I decided to go ahead and try to run a fast pace, and I think I was able to get another PR. (waiting for official results). Somewhere around 15 seconds faster then my last 10k. Not too shabby!
I then ran a little more after the 10k, for about another 30 minutes. Then I headed over to pay my Grandparents a visit, since I was only about a mile away from them. (Hi Grandma and Grandpa!!!!!). They have a lap top now, and although my Grandma hasn't touched it yet, my Grandpa has my blog book marked.
So on that note, a few more pictures for them and everyone else. These were taken today.
Just eating lunch:
Mom and Megan:
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)